Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Most Desirable Woman In Brazil Right Now Has Imaginary Virginity Up for Auction!

Saturday, March 9th, 2013

Last time we checked Brazil seemed like a place where men really wouldn’t be hard up to find a female companion.

We were wrong. Very, very wrong.

How wrong? Just…just keep reading.

There’s a bidding war going on in Brazil right now over a woman. For some she’s the perfect woman. For most of us she’s just plain weird and the ridiculous bidding war over her is even weirder.

Her name is Valentina.

Valentina is, disturbingly enough, the most desirable woman in Brazil right now and the man with the most padded wallet will get the chance to deflower her.

The current going price for Valentina’s virginity right now? $105,000 and climbing.

Wondering what her parents and family might be thinking of all of this craziness? Doesn’t matter.

Valentina isn’t real. She’s a life-like sex doll created by the acme of all sex-doll companies, Real Doll. The company has recently opened a manufacturing plant in Brazil and Valentina is the first doll created there. Now her ‘virginity’ is on the auction block.

The winner of the auction will also receive all-expenses-paid travel to and from São Paulo, a free night’s stay in the Presidential Suite of a fancy hotel, and a complimentary candlelight dinner with French Champagne to share with Valentina.
They’ll even throw in some sexy lingerie as Valentina’s gift to you, and a digital camera “to shoot and then show your friends.”

Not only is this a bidding war for an inanimate woman’s viginity…it also seems like an opportunity to see who the richest, most desperate Brazillian man is who’s got such bad game that he’s willing to shell out a small fortune for a woman who won’t say no to even his worst pitch.

[Gawker]

Lonely? These Creepy Robotic Lips Won’t Help That – Ever!

Friday, July 20th, 2012

Prepare for a new level of weird, people.

A while back we reported on a kind of pillow ‘roboty’ thing that would cuddle with you and that your siginificant other could be channeled through. Creepy and a little awkward, right?

That’s like a mild ’2′ on a scale of 1-10.

THIS? This just pegged that scale into oblivion.

Unveiled in the UK at the annual Designing Interactive Systems conference, the egg-like device has been dubbed Kissenger. Hidden inside Kissenger’s eyeless, Humpty-Dumpty-like body is a pair of pressure-sensitive soft plastic lips that peek through a smooth plastic casing about the size of an Easter egg.

The lips contain pressure sensors and actuators. When you kiss them, the shape changes you create are transmitted in real time over the net to a receiving Kissenger. There, the actuators reproduce the mirror image of the pressure patterns you created– magically transmitting your smacker to your partner.

“People have found it a very positive way to improve intimacy in communications with their partners when they are apart,” claims Hooman Samani of Singapore-based Lovotics, which developed the device.

The device is a prototype and Samani says it will not be commercialised until “all the ethical and technical considerations are covered”. He adds: “I am not interested in sexual uses for it.”

Remember that part where he stated, “I am not interested in sexual uses for it”? He’s obviously been locked away in his lab for far too long and has forgotten what people are like.

While this isn’t the first weird thing used to kiss across a distance (that award goes to a device that’s more like tonguing a slurpee straw attached to a speaker box with someone equally lonely as yourself on the other end), it IS the first to accurately record your partners kiss onto a pair of lips so it can be played back like a sad reminder of what your relationship’s come to.

Best part of the story from the New Scientist article? THIS little excerpt:

“I think that approach is too much and I find it kind of creepy,” says Samani. “You don’t need to transmit all the parameters of a kiss. The main aim is to improve long-distance relationships. We’ve taken several steps to minimise the creepiness.”

Two things: We’d hate to see this dude’s idea of what he considers creepy and what did this thing look like BEFORE he minimized the creepiness?

We all just collectively shuddered together.

Here’s Lovotic’s actual company video for an earlier version of the device (in case you were wondering about that ‘before’ design mentioned above)…which makes us wonder how going from a cute rabbit-like design to the disembodied mouth of a Cenobite is ‘minimizing the creepiness’. Again…can someone get a search warrant for this dude’s basement? Or are we just not ready for that?


[New Scientist]

Sex Bots Are Coming

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Professor of Management Ian Yeoman and sexologist Michelle Mars have laid out their vision of the future in their paper “Robots, Men And Sex Tourism” published in the journal Futures. They predict that in the year 2050 $12,672 and a ticket to Amsterdam will net you some alone time with an android. They use a fictional club named Yub-yum to paint the picture:

Sexual tourists will pay about 10,000 Euro ($12,672) for an all-inclusive service from massages and lap dances to intercourse from the scantily-clad sexbots parading around.

In an increasingly youth and beauty-fixated society, Yub-yum would provide a range “of sexual gods and goddesses of different ethnicities, body shapes, ages, languages and sexual features”.

Clients could feel guilt free as they actually have not had sex with a real person and would not have to lie to their partner.

The androids would be made of bacteria resistant fibre and would be flushed for human fluids, therefore guaranteeing no STIs are transferred between consumers.

The rise of sex bots doesn’t just benefit their johns:

“Amsterdam’s tourist industry is built on an image of sex and drugs. The council was worried that if the red light district were to close, it would have a detrimental effect on the city’s brand and tourism industry.”

[Sydney Morning Herald]

Behold! The Universal Guide to Sex Faces

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

A Spanish researcher has released the results of a study seeking to codify the faces made during sex. 100 volunteers recording their mugs during some kind of sexual event which ended in completion. The faces were reviewed for similarities amongst each other in an effort match them to the Facial Action Coding System, a database for human facial movements. The video above, although unrelated to this study, shows some of the Action Units from FACS.

But according to the study, here are the faces you see whilst on the job…

• AU42 (slit eyes)
• AU43 (closed eyes)

• AU4 (frown/brow lower)
• AU6 (cheek raise)

• AU10 (upper lip raise)
• AU12 (lip corner pull)
• AU25 (lips part)
• AU26 (jaw drop)
• AU27 (mouth stretch)

• AU 29 or 30 (jaw thrust, or jaw sideways)

Or as we’ve nicknamed them…

• AU42 (The Newborn Puppy)
• AU43 (The See No Evil)

• AU4 (The I’ve Made A Horrible Mistake)
• AU6 (The Alvin also known as The Simon or Theodore)

• AU10 (The 1%)
• AU12 (The Fish Hook)
• AU25 (The Shy Librarian)
• AU26 (The Hangman’s Daughter)
• AU27 (The Fly Catcher)

• AU 29 or 30 (The Mr. Hyde)

Read about the rest of the study as well as some important questions at the link below.

[Improbable Research]

Study: Sexually Transmitted Disease Makes Your Armpits Stink Worse

Friday, December 9th, 2011

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Follow your nose! To a sexual partner not beset by disease!

A Russian study found that men dealing with gonorrhea has less attractive smelling armpit sweat than those without, therefore deterring potential mates.

In the study, armpit sweat was collected from 34 Russian men, ages 17 to 25. Thirteen of the men had gonorrhea, 16 were healthy, and five had had gonorrhea in the past, but recovered. The men wore T-shirts with cotton pads in the armpits for one hour, then the pads were placed in glass vials…

The women rated the infected men’s sweat as less than half as pleasant as the healthy men’s sweat. And the women said about 50 percent of men who had gonorrhea had sweat that smelled “putrid,” whereas only 32 percent of the healthy men were described as putrid. And while 26 percent of the healthy men smelled “floral,” just 10 percent of those with gonorrhea were described that way.

Researchers suggest that changes in the immune system could cause the alteration in sweat stink. I like to think of it as Mother Nature’s way of telling women, “Get away from him girl, he nasty.”

[Live Science]

Female Chimps Have Sex With Males That Bring The Meat

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

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New evidence suggests that female chimps in the wild copulate more often with males who share their meat with them on a regular basis. This validates a long held belief that the “meat-for-sex” trade is a key building block in both chimpanzee and early human hunter-gatherer societies.

We are sure there is a Christmas parable in here somewhere. Thanks to WT reader Dan Wheeler for sending this along.

[Science Daily]

And Now: A Squid Orgy

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

Squid Run at La Jolla Shores – Nov. 22, 2010 from Walter Chung on Vimeo.

via Pharyngula

Yup, Humans Totally Banged Neanderthals

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

skitched-20100421-130705.jpg

Talk about a morning after… You roll over and realize that exhilarating night of grunting, running and grunting had led to you totally doing it with a Neanderthal. What scandal! What ever will the neighbors think?

Archaic humans such as Neanderthals may be gone but they’re not forgotten — at least not in the human genome. A genetic analysis of nearly 2,000 people from around the world indicates that such extinct species interbred with the ancestors of modern humans twice, leaving their genes within the DNA of people today.

What’s next? Proof that we french kissed those weird Hobbit people?

[Nature]

What We Know As Snuff Simply Doesn't Exist, So Why Do We Still Talk About It?

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Each week, Weird Things’ own Matt Finley breaks down one of the oddest elements of our culture in a feature we call Monster Of The Week. Look read about <a target="_blank" href="http://w

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eirdthings.com/2010/04/the-infeasible-stubborn-urban-legend-of-snuff-films/”>the origins of the legend from Monday and how Charlie Sheen inevitably got involved from Wednesday…

skitched-20100416-132305.jpgAs we’ve already established that murder footage shot by a serial killer would not, in all but the most specific hypothetical conditions, be considered snuff, and because the Internet is already rife with clip art-skull-ridden serial killer annals, I promise not to belabor this bit. I’m only bringing it up because, going into writing this series of posts, I didn’t have any clear idea of how many killers, serial or otherwise, were known to have taken video footage of their crimes. If you had told me there was a government warehouse of the stuff right next to that ark storage depot, I couldn’t have argued with you. The reality, though, is that depraved maniacs who murder just for pickle tickles don’t tend to D.A. Pennebaker their heinous acts (or, at least, do a great job of hiding or destroying the tapes/discs/files).

In the 1980s, Northern California crazies Leonard Lake and Charles Ng tortured and killed at least 20 women, videotaping some of the torture, but none of the hands-on viagra pills killing. Likewise, Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, a couple of murderous Canadian sex nuts, videotaped the sexual torture of two of their three teenage victims, but none of the deaths. In 1997, two German citizens (Ernst Dieter Korzen and Stefan Michael Mahn) who recorded the murder of a prostitute became the first people ever to be convicted for making snuff, but, prior to their arrest, they made no attempt to distribute the film and documentation of the case (most of which I found in UK tabloids) is unclear (or in German). Also in Germany, that dude (Armin Miewes) who slaughtered and ate his willing Internet lunch buddy taped his Killin’ and Cookin’ pilot episode. Most recently, in 2007, two sadistic Russian thugs (dubbed the “Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs”) used a cell phone to record themselves murdering a defenseless old man.

(Rumors continue to circulate about “snuff” footage filmed by the Zodiac killer. Most recently, as reported by Blue Line Radio’s blog on January 14th of this year, a man named Dennis Kaufman, who claims his father, Jack Tarrance, was Zodiac, supplied the FBI with segments of a heavily damaged film reel alleged to contain video evidence of a murder.)

Where, oh where, kind readers, does this leave us?

Find out AFTER THE JUMP!

(more…)

The Business Of Snuff: Second-Rate Pornographers, Hype Machines &amp;amp;amp;amp; Charlie Sheen

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Each week, Weird Things’ own Matt Finley breaks down one of the oddest elements of our culture in a feature we call Monster Of The Week. Look read about <a target="_blank" href="http://w

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eirdthings.com/2010/04/the-infeasible-stubborn-urban-legend-of-snuff-films/”>the origins of the legend from Monday and come back Friday for the finale…

The grisly half-truths associated with the Manson Family did more than just inspire one

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author to off-handedly coin the term “snuff film” (see Monday’s post) – they inspired a nation to collectively wet its pants and shriek at the thought of a cult pandemic. Manned by the media and powered by irrational fear, the rumor mill began grinding out stories of cult activity, both in the US and abroad. The assumptions offered about Manson snuff films had some basis in fact – In 1969, several of Manson’s BFFs hijacked and robbed an NBC-TV truck packed full of film equipment, some of which was eventually recovered, snuff-free, by police. The ancillary whisperings of an International outbreak of brainwashed cabals with wicked leaders and sinister agendas, though? Grossly (and I mean really extra disgustingly) exaggerated in almost every way possible.

But no less artistically inspiring.

The story of the first nationwide snuff freakout supposedly began with one man, one newspaper and one appallingly awful exploitation film. When Allan Shackleton, President of Monarch Releasing Company, a small film distribution venture known for releasing low-budget nudie flicks, read a newspaper article about a rumored South American snuff ring, he saw dollar signs. And motorcycles. And boobs. Shackleton was remembering a little-known exploitation film called “Slaughter” that had been just barely released in the early ‘70s. It had what he needed: South America and a cult-themed premise. All it was missing was the snuff climax. But it took a lot more than that to discourage the executive producer of 1972’s “When the Cat’s Away” (tagline: “She’s X-rated and IN COLOR!”)

In 1976, Shackleton re-released “Slaughter” as “Snuff,” complete with the tagline “The film that could only be made in South America… where life is CHEAP,” and a newly filmed ending, in which an abrupt cut gives way to a vérité-style scene of an actual murder. To help sell the implication that the film contained real-life snuff footage, Shackleton even pulled a William Castle-esque stunt in which actors playing anti-“Snuff” picketers were planted outside theaters. He needn’t have made the effort. Women Against Pornography (WAP), a radical feminist group that, three years later, held a notorious protest march through Times Square, immediately bunched up their panties, declaring the film a revolting paean to sexual violence. Their very-real boycott of the movie was covered by CBS news. By the time “Snuff” was outed as a fake, and “Slaughter”’s original filmmakers were suing Shackleton for altering their film without permission, the idea of snuff had become a mass cultural folktale, spawning a bevy of low budget horror films (including Weird Things favorite, “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer”) and plenty o’ friend-of-a-friend accounts of actual snuff film screenings.

adobe animation software

Learn how Faces of Death and Charlie Sheen play pivotal roles in our international fascination with the snuff film urban legend AFTER THE JUMP…

(more…)

The Infeasible, Stubborn Urban Legend Of Snuff Films

Monday, April 12th, 2010

Each week, Weird Things’ own Matt Finley breaks down one of the oddest elements of our culture in a feature we call Monster Of The Week. Look for new installments Wednesday and Friday…

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skitched-20100412-195033.jpgThis week, I want to talk about the rumors and assumptions surrounding snuff films, and the supposedly booming black market that creates and distributes them. First things first, though, we need to look at how most folks define snuff in order to understand one of the core truths about it – Snuff doesn’t not exist because of the limits of human greed or depravity; snuff doesn’t exist because of the limits of its definition.

The verbal dances we undertake in attempting to nail down specific definitions for broadly understood, but taxonomically elusive, phenomena like pornography have nothing on the addendum-flinging rumba that people perform in pinning down snuff films. In this sense, snuff is the opposite of the former example – the struggle to dogmatically codify pornography is an exercise in encapsulating an ever-expanding set of subjectivities as they relate to the perceptions and intentions of both producer and consumer. Porn can encapsulate anything from video recordings of fully exposed penetrative intercourse to a photograph of a person’s bare feet. The working definition of a “snuff film” is so ludicrously specific as to systematically eliminate every known snuff-like recording from the mass hypothetical understanding of what constitutes true snuff.

Snuff started out as a fairly open-ended term. First used by author Ed Sanders in his 1971 true crime book “The Family: The Story of Charles Manson’s Dune Buggy Attack Battalion,” the term “Snuff films” was used to describe an alleged series of violent (possibly murderous) home movies shot by Manson and his acolytes. Though no footage ever surfaced, the term caught on and became a catch-all label for any video recording depicting the actual murder of a human being (I’ll get into the specific history and examples in Wednesday’s column).

Today, the definition has been vastly constrained by a huge honkin’ caveat:

Said murder must have been committed for the express purpose of distributing (and, according to the strictest definition, profiting from) the recorded footage.

Click AFTER THE JUMP for the rest!

(more…)

Sex! Spoons! Sex! The Tale Of The Oneida Utopian Community

Monday, January 25th, 2010

skitched-20100125-140115.jpgSeeing as how you’re on the Internet, I can only imagine that much of your time is spent pissing and moaning about all manner of meaningless cultural apocrypha. Eventually, all the minor complaints gather and accresce into a swollen negativity cloud that represents everything that’s buy viagra generica wrong with society. You’re not alone. Throughout history, numerous cantankerous idealists have blown gaskets over family values this and sexual politics that. And their friends all rolled their eyes and said, “I’d like to see you make a better society!” That shut most of them down, leaving their tired eyes to peer gloomily through half-empty bottles, quietly thinking, “so that’s what a stripper would look like if she were in my beer.” But those aren’t the folks I wanna talk about… I wanna discuss the ones that went straight out to an ideological field, stretched their legs and ran, shoulder first, into the nearest paradigm, tipping its entire ungainly mass into the philosophical mud. In other words, attempted utopias – the houses that crazy built.

I can’t think of a better place to start than Oneida, New York, where, in 1848, a man named John Humphrey Noyes founded a communalistic sex cult that would shape the very history of flatware. Noyes and his constituents were certain that, way back in the year 70, Jesus Christ had already returned, which somehow meant they could form a sin-free, heavenly clubhouse right here on Earth. Over the next 30 years, the Oneida community’s population would grow to 300 people, all of them subsisting off the money they earned selling homemade canned fruit, silk thread, animal traps and silverware – the raw material from which dreams are made.

I know, I know… get to the sex stuff.

So, Noyes was worried that relationships between men and women had been tainted by a modern society that pushed selfishness, unspoken social castes, bigotry and insularity. A functioning community, he reasoned, ought to function communally (“…and why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?”). For starters, men and women were valued as equals, and encouraged (read: forced) to dress in simple shirts and trousers. Everyone was married to everyone else, and they were enthusiastically encouraged to discard any notions of monogamy and romance in exchange for community-foste

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ring spiritual oneness (i.e. slutting around). It was not, however, the sweaty, unfettered Kubrickian orgy that you’re currently picturing… but here’s a little more sentence so you can enjoy one more fleeting moment of boundlessly vivid perversity.

skitched-20100125-140229.jpgThe Oneidans developed a sexual hierarchy – referred to as “ascending fellowship” – based around the arbitrarily assessed spiritual and moral purity of the individual (the group even held regular meetings during which members were encouraged to individually harp on other members’ moral transgressions, spiritual shortcomings and, uh, annoying tendencies toward verbal pauses). Older folk were deemed purer than younger folk and men were deemed purer than women. So, how does one level up, so to speak? By sleeping with someone purer than themselves (the purer, the better). If you’re playing at home, that means the most impure folks were young women and the purest were older men. I know… nutty, but by cult standards, predictable. But wait… in 1869, Noyse introduced Stripiculture, a good old fashioned eugenics scheme

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that found baby-crazy Oneidans going before an evaluation panel that assessed their spiritual and moral Blue Book value and then assigned them an optimal mate. The resulting offspring were taken away from their assigned biological parents and whisked off to the newly constructed Children’s Wing, where kids were communally raised by chosen Oneidan nurse maids.

Man… can you believe that this perfect society unraveled?

In the end, no one could agree on the minimum age at which the Oneidan children should be sexually inducted into the order (Do I hear 14? Going once…). Eventually, Noyse fled to Canada in the wake of statutory rape charges, and his atheist son – the heir apparent – abandoned the commune, exchanging rape victimhood for worm foodom. Stripiculture was halted, the pubescent sexual rituals stopped and women said “kill whitey” to their mandatory dungarees. The only thing that never ended? The production of Oneida flatware, which can still be purchased today. So next time you’re out a restaurant, and someone dares you to start your own ideal society, look down at your sex fork or your sex spoon and just keep on with the idle, actionless bitching.

Wednesday: Ferrer – colonized anarchy

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