Archive for the ‘goblin’ Category

Zimbabwe Tormented by ‘Countless’ Panty-Stealing Goblins

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

We don’t know who Chief Njelele is, or who elected him, but by the accounts were hearing, he’s got a real problem in his region of Zimbabwe. We’re talking a Nelson Mandela, Bill Gates and Bono level solve-this-crisis. On of his villagers is being plagued by too many goblins to count according to the Zimia Dispora:

“I asked her how many goblins she had been given and she told me she could not quantify them because they were too many. She hysterically told me that these goblins were haunting her and making her life a living hell,” said Chief Njelele.

Next time you fret about your first world problems, be glad you don’t have to worry about a bunch of thieving goblins stealing women’s underwear and hiding it in your house.

So notorious is Chief Njelele’s area that last year another villager’s goblin allegedly stole panties belonging to 26 women. Another villager later apologised after a tsikamutanda reportedly fingered him as the owner of the thieving goblin. Reporters has it in good authority that the goblin was also found wearing an underwear belonging to a village headman’s wife.

Panties go missing and they find them in some dude’s house who says those damn goblins are to blame.

Family Flees Home After Goblin Roommate Demands Human Flesh

Tuesday, November 29th, 2011


In 2003, a South African family met curious creature. His name was Rah. He was a goblin.

The little guy became a part of the family. For seven years he fit in like Harry did with the Hendersons. He even spoke two languages! What a charming little fellow.

Until one fateful day in 2009 when he made a very strange request to the matriarch of the family.

“…he woke up and said he was tired of goat meat and as such wanted human flesh.”

When asked whose flesh specifically, he mentioned daughter Sithokozile.

Drawing a line in the sand between hospitality and murdering their children, the family politely declined. This did not please Rah.

“I was not going to sacrifice myself for the goblin and my mother could not do the same. Rah got angry and started beating everyone in the family. We have never head peace since he demanded that I become part of his meal,” she said.

It is said that at times Rah would tie children onto a tree using jerseys and spend the whole day thrashing them with switch.

And so it came to pass, the family fled their home. Rah remains missing, quite possibly looking for a new family to befriend.

The moral of the story? If a bilingual goblin requests residence in your house, kick him out after six years.

[Byo Daily]

Goblin-Built Castle For Sale

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

In Scotland, 321 acres and the ruins of Yester Castle have hit the market for offers over £450,000. The ruins date back to before 1267 and the only remaining structure is the subterranean Goblin Ha’ or Hobgoblin Ha’ (Goblin Hall). According to legend, the castle was built by Sir Hugo de Giffard, a wizard and necromancer. Old Hugo decided to build a castle and made a pact with the devil in exchange for an army of hobgoblins who helped build it.

[East Lothian Courier via Ghost Theory]