Archive for the ‘Bear’ Category

The Cure For Male Pattern Baldness: Bears

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Are you suffering from male pattern baldness? Would you like to feel younger, more confident and regain your youthful swagger?

Why not take a note from the majestic bear! Yes, instead of turning to stem cell treatments one Dr. Cheng-Ming Chuong, a professor at the University of Southern California suggests we take a page from how our forrest friends regrow their winter coats.

…a treatment could aim at altering the environment around hair follicles, rather than implanting stem cells within them.

These outside signals that are present in animals are missing in people.

“This extra follicle-affecting factor has disappeared during human evolution,” so human hair follicles are activated only by signals internal to the hair follicle, Chuong told MyHealthNewsDaily.

Unconfirmed are reports that such a treatment would involve snagging a fish out of a moving stream with your mouth. But… you know… it couldn’t hurt.

[Live Science]

Russian Bears Snacking on Corpses

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Due to a harsh food shortage Russian bears have been unable to find enough of their traditional berries, mushrooms, frogs, and fish to keep them going. These hungry bears have taken matters into their own hands and turned to digging up and snacking on human corpses. In the village of Vezhnya Tchova near the Arctic Circle two women caught a ghoulish grave robbing bear mid-dinner.
“From a distance it resembled a rather large man in a fur coat, leaning tenderly over the grave of a loved one. But when the two women in the Russian village of Vezhnya Tchova came closer they realised there was a bear in the cemetery eating a body.”

This has happened before in the area and residents recounted tales of how one bear not only learned how to open coffins, but then proceeded to teach the others.

It is unknown at this point in time if the recent shortage of food is related to the invasion and ongoing war between bears and yetis.

[The Guardian via io9]

Scots Honor Poland’s Nazi-Bashing Bear Soldier

Thursday, October 14th, 2010


From the grim depths of World War II shown spires of inspiration bright enough to pierce the darkness. Bravery, honor and humanity rarely seen beyond the bleakest of situations.

Among them: Private Wojtek the bear that beat the Nazis.

(Oct. 13) — The accomplishments of the ursine allies of World War II are often overlooked, but not by the city of Edinburgh. They’re building a $318,000 monument to honor “Private Wojtek,” a 500-pound brown bear that served in the Polish Army in the fight against the Axis before retiring to the Edinburgh zoo.

“Wojtek” translates to “the happy warrior,” and the bear’s contribution to the Polish military effort was largely noncombative. He was an unofficial mascot for the 22nd Army Corps, providing much-needed entertainment and distraction during brutal desert warfare.

We can just see the posters now, flitting along the Warsaw streets: Thanks to Private Wojtek, Hitler has to grin and BEAR it!

Also, in this Daily Mail story, Wojtek is also remembered for his voracious beer and cigarette habit, officially making him more of a man than you.


It Has Begun! Yetis Fighting “War” With Bears In Russia!

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010


You are not ready for this, the coolest battle between animals in the history of recorded civilization. Due to forest fires, Yetis have unnaturally migrated to a new area of Russia. The problem? Local bears haven’t taken to kindly to their new neighbors and a full scale GD war has broken out!

This year’s expedition to Mountain Shoria is already the third. One of its participants, the director of the International Center for Hominology Igor Burtsev assures that yetis leave traces of their stay in the taiga and fight with local bears.

“They make strange pyramidal constructions of trunks and branches in the wood – sometimes 3 or 4 meters, sometimes only 30 cm high. Sometimes they bend huge trees and twist their trunks like wheels. A human being is just not strong enough for that, and there seems to be no need for bears to do this. At first, we thought that yetis do this to make shelters, but then we came to the conclusion that this is a sort of landmark for them. Or, maybe, this is a way for a yeti to say something to its congeners.”

Hardest part about sussing out the truth in this front line story? Many local farmers have been confusing Yetis for Wood Goblins. This quote is too good not to re-quote. Prepare yourself…

“Folk beliefs say that the wood goblin is the master of the woods. All animals, even bears, submit to him. The wood goblin has a strong hypnotic power, thus he is not afraid of any animal.”

I am so moving to Russia.

[Voice of Russia]