Who ya gonna call when someone you know or love or even yourself is suffering from demonic possession?

Answer? Not the Ghostbusters.

No. You’re going to call the Catholic Church. Not because the Ghostbusters are a fictional group of ghost-catching celebrities who can’t get their act together for that long-awaited third film.

You’ll be calling because the church is offering the service in the real world and the big clincher in our recession-slammed economy…it’s free.

The Catholic Church’s largest diocese is located in Milan is now offering exorcisms over-the-phone.

Chief exorcist Monsignor Angelo Mascheroni has recently doubled the amount of people manning the phones because of the increasing level of possession.

“We get many requests for names, addresses and phone numbers; that’s why we’ve set up a switchboard in the curia from Monday to Friday from 2.30pm to 5pm. People in need can call and will be able to find a priest in the same area who doesn’t have to travel too far.”

Monsignor says that most of the calls that come in are simply parents of disobedient teens that are dealing with typical disobedient teen stuff and that the actual phenomena of demonic possession are rare. Other calls from parents claiming their child is possessed are, sadly, simply children with psychiatric or mental disorders.

We’re just wondering when the app will drop.

[The Independent UK]

Police officers in northern Penang, Malaysia raided a house after getting a distressed phone call from someone.

What they found was a pile of eight, chanting adults covered with a blanket lying on the floor of a bedroom.

Underneath this bizarre dog-pile was a 3 year-old girl who’d been suffocated by the adults on top of her. The adults that took part in this eerie and disturbing scene were the girl’s parents, grandmother, uncle, aunt, two cousins and the family’s maid in a ritual to remove the evil spirits that apparently inhabited the child.

All eight adults are currently being detained.
[ABC NEWS]

Because Florida isn’t already weird enough now that they’ve added bath salt-created, face-eating zombies to the list, a literacy teacher at Lealman and Asian Neighborhood Family Center in St. Petersburg has been jailed for performing what appears to be some kind of strange ritual involving seven children!

Just before sunrise on a Saturday morning, Danielle Harkins was with these seven children around a small fire near the St. Petersberg Pier. Harkins told the children their bodies needed to be rid of demons by cutting their skin open. Once they’d let the supposed demons out, they’d have to burn their wounds closed to prevent the demons from returning.

Police were tipped off when one of the teens sent a text message to a friend. That friend showed the message to the parents of the teen that sent it.

While none of the teens that attended the weird ritual are really opening up as to why they gathered that morning, some details have emerged. One teen suffered a cut on the neck from a broken bottle which had been cauterized by a heated key. Another teen suffered second-degree burns when the flame from a lighter Harkins was using to burn a hand-wound kept going out. Harkins then doused the teen’s hand in perfume and ignited it.

At this point no one knows the reasons behind the gathering or the bizarre ritual except for Harkins and the teens who were there.

[Miami Herald]

According to statements released during a recent conference on the phenomenon of Satanism at Regina Apostolorum Pontifical University in Rome, there has been a surge in requests for exorcists which correlates with the rise of the Internet. The claim is that the web has increased access to information which has, in turn, increased the number of satanists. People love to Google the devil.

I will be the first to admit that my knowledge about demon possession and exorcism is sorely lacking and based on horrible sources. Most of my exorcism knowledge revolves around what I saw in Constantine and I am pretty sure all we need is a mirror and maybe an alcoholic priest. However, I am not sure how an increase in the number of satanists increases the number of demon possessions? Are the satanists putting demons into people? I always just kind of assumed they were independent contractors and possessed whoever they wanted. Maybe being a satanist increases your chances for possession.

How can you tell if your loved one is possessed by a demon and needs a professional exorcist?

“That could be indicated by radical and disturbing changes in the person’s behaviour and voice, or an ability to garble in foreign languages or nonsensical gibberish.”

OK, that might not work for all cases; how can you tell if your loved one is possessed by a demon and not just drunk?

“Father Gabriele Amorth said people who are possessed by Satan vomit shards of glass and pieces of iron, scream, dribble and slobber, utter blasphemies and have to be physically restrained.”

Vomiting shards of glass and iron. Got it, thanks.

[The Telegraph]

photo credit: MaxDug

The life of a truck driver will never be confused for a glamourous one.

Tight deadlines, long hauls and little sleep all make things dicey for the men and women who pilot these freight-toting behemoths across the world’s highways. But in South Africa, it’s even worse. A 2002 report published in the South African Journal of Science found that civil unrest and unkempt truck stops were more prevalent in the historically troubled nation. The industry even has a staggering HIV rate thanks to a reckless promiscuity culture amongst many drivers.

Finally, the government is stepping in to do something about it.

The Letaba municipality in the north of the country will hold a cleansing ceremony aimed at clearing the road of evil spirits that are believed to contribute to the accidents that have claimed many lives in the past five years, this according to local news source Sowetan.

She said the accidents had been going on for some years and it was time that something was done to make sure the carnage stopped.

She said the ceremony, which will include prayers, will be attended by municipal officials, traditional healers, chiefs, pastors, officials from the department of transport and communities from 11 villages.

“The area is quiet at the moment, but the prayer meeting is vital to save lives,” said Kgamedi Seshoka, spokesperson for the Modjadjiskloof police.

You read that, Ghost Road? You’re days of hectoring convoys are over!

photo credit: Thomas Hawk

I’ve heard of workers striking for better wages and better hours, but never workers striking for a demon free workplace. Indian and Sri Lankan factory workers in Jordan have done just that. Claiming that the Jordanian industrial factories they work in are haunted by evil spirits, they have taken to the streets refusing to work until the factories are exorcised.