Archive for the ‘Weirdest Tirades’ Category

Minor League Manager, Major League Tantrum [Weirdest Tirades]

Saturday, July 17th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Tirades ever thrown.

Not only is this my new favorite Weird Tirade…but this may be my new favorite video. Period. About a third of the way through I was planning what I would write if I decided to use this clip. I started thinking it would be funny if I wrote a transcript of what the manager was saying since there’s no real audio.

Half way through, I was mesmerized by his theatricality and had completely given myself over to the video. The LAST thing on my mind was what I should be writing about.

By the end, I realized there is absolutely no room for improvement in this video. Clearly he has been waiting his entire career for this one moment when he could simultaneously show off his Groundlings training and get himself thrown out of a minor league ballpark. Literally nothing I can say or do will improve on this tirade except to say:

“Bring this guy up to the majors already!”

That’s the end gang. You’ve seen all of this week’s Weird Tirades. What do you think? How would you rank them? (Also, hook me up with a fantastic theme for next week’s column and in return I will promise you a much more timely batch of awesome. Scout’s honor.)

We had:

1. McNugget Rage!

2. The Fightin’ Optometrist!

3. Satan Claus

and of course, my early favorite:

4. Minor League Manager, Major League Tantrum

Santa Can Be Naughty Too [Weirdest Tirades]

Friday, July 16th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Tirades ever thrown.

Today’s post actually revolves around a tiny blurb in a sixty year old magazine, so I’ll let you be the judge as to whether it is even close to on topic or not. But here’s the thing: I’m writing this post and your not and the bottom line is that the image said blurb conjured in my mind made me laugh. A lot.

Today we’re taking you back to a simpler time. A time when Santa Claus was just an amorphous figure. A character that was simply an amalgamation of religious stories and folklore, not some cheap marketing whore who’s willing to sell his bearded face to the highest bidder (which often seems to be your local mall…go figure).

But already, in 1951, there were hints that the times…oh, they were a changin’. Case in point, in December of that year LIFE magazine ran a story titled Santa Claus to Santa Stooge, all about the horrors of Santa shilling products and participating in promotional stunts. Apparently this was a new thing for the Greatest Generation to cope with, on account of one of the guys playing Santa in a parade in Ontario, after being mobbed by excited children (who had yet to be warned about unshaved strangers with candy), lost his temper and start kicking at all the greedy little grandparents to be.

Now you tell me, how can you not love the visual of some guy looking to cash in on his overweight gut and graying hair suddenly realizing he has bitten off more than he can chew and kicking wildly at any kid too excited by the idea of seeing the unseeable to stay out of leg’s length?!

Here’s the link to the LIFE article, but honestly, the entire magazine is filled with gold. Give it a look.

Anyone have any better crazy Santa stories?! Let me know!

Blinded By Rage (and Bad Prescriptions) [Weirdest Tirades]

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Tirades ever thrown.

There’s an old saying that goes something like, “In the land of the blind the psychotic optometrist is king.”

Never has this oldest of wives’ tales been less true…as you’ll see in the clip.

Although this was clearly a premeditated outburst (and beyond that, just a really douchey move), I can only hope he didn’t order McNuggets for lunch as that would further support my theory that a lack of processed chicken-like meat is at the root of all spontaneous rage.

What makes this really weird is the voice mail he left pre-outburst. Not only did Dr. Douchebag phone in a false apology to ensnare an unsuspecting octogenarian journalist but he over-the-topped-it with a plea of born again Christianity and love of all things news reporter. After that move I was really rooting to see the old guy clock him in the face.

Your thoughts? Do you have something better for the list of Weirdest Tirades? Share it!

McNugget Rage! [Weirdest Tirades]

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Tirades ever thrown.

Ho HO! You say it’s Tuesday night already? You say, where are Brett’s posts?

Well, to you I say, “Wait…what? Seriously? Tuesday? When the hell did that happen?”

Here goes nothing! In honor of “friend of the blog” Mel Gibson’s latest poorly thought out tirade, this week we’ll be looking at some of the weirdest Jekyll and Hyde-esque bouts of rage you’ve ever seen…er, read. (Although you could argue Mel was probably more of a Hyde and Hyder moment.)

First up, Melodi Dushane!

What sent her over the edge? Was it residual anger directed at her parents for spelling her name wrong on her birth certificate, thereby sentencing her to an entire lifetime of leaning over the counter to watch the clerk as he takes down her information, knowing full well she’d have to insist, “No, no. It’s with an ‘I’…”?

Was it an uncontrollable hatred for that guy on the Promenade who told her she looked like a model and for a scant $500 dollars he could get her some “cheap” headshots that would be guaranteed to rocket her heretofore non-existant modeling career into the same eschelon as the likes of Twiggy and Zsa-Zsa Gabor, only to present her with the photo on the right.

Nope. It was Chicken McNuggets.

More specifically, it was a lack of Chicken McNuggets. And as everyone knows, the only appropriate response to a shortage of McNuggets is to hulk out and punch out the drive-thru after smacking the nearest McDonald’s employee in the face.

Yeah. She did that.

The end.

I know this is technically weird rage week…but does anyone out there have any great fast food related stories? When I was researching this one I just kept thinking of when I was that jerk high school kid who always ordered, “a large napkin and diet water…that’ll be all.”