Find the Fiend

Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a.) This gray gelatinous creature, which, like a slug, is rumored to favor warm beer, is sometimes blamed for abducting both pets and people from neighborhoods in Eastern Maine.

b.) Similar to genies, these small monsters supposedly possess the ability to realize the fantasies of their victims, though, once realized, the dreams are said to turn deadly.

c.) These winged monsters allegedly kidnap children, fly the children to the peak of a dormant volcano and then devour the children.

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Find the Fiend

Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a.) This gilled, razor-clawed man-fish is known for terrorizing day-tripping teenagers.

b.) This legendary monster can supposedly be summoned by witches to enact revenge upon those who have wronged its summoner.

c.) Though human, this ruthless, burly killer is alleged to have had all of his teeth replaced with those of a ferocious dog.

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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a.) This bizarre man-sized grub-like creature is rumored to assist populations in containing outbreaks of mass hysteria or insanity.

b.) These giant crustaceans are supposedly able to increase their own intelligence by feeding on the brains of smarter animals.

c.) This shape-shifting mosquito-like monster is accused of sucking unborn fetuses out of pregnant women’s wombs.

Answer after the cut.

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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a.) Said to prowl the dry air above the deserts of the American Southwest, these winged creatures appear to propel themselves using jets of flame that light up the night sky.

b.) During the 1980s, two American carnival owners spent countless hours trying to hunt and capture this legendary 8-foot-tall avian monster.

c.) Usually sighted in the vicinity of swamps and rivers, this African pterosaur-like beast is known for sinking boats and attacking locals.

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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

A) This terrifying ape-like creature, which is rumored to be the deformed offspring of a gorilla loosed during a circus train crash, prowls the woods surrounding Kansas City.

B) Alleged to stalk the hallways of a well-known American University, this monstrous primate is supposedly an escaped scientific specimen.

C) These vicious, man-sized apes are rumored to protect the forests surrounding a legendary city of riches.

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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a) This fearsome humanoid bear-like creature, which is said to have the face of a man and the feet of a swine, supposedly resides deep inside a cave near Colorado’s Manitou Cliff Dwellings.

b) Part owl, part bear and part man, this 7-foot-tall flying monstrosity stalks the skies surrounding an ancient church.

c) This grotesque mystery of nature exhibits both feline and canine features. Research into the animal’s parentage has turned up few leads and even fewer revelations.

Answer after the cut.

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Find the Fiend – Pharmaceutical Edition

Below are descriptions of three medicinal compounds. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a prescription drug that actually exists. Can you Find the Fiend?

A This drug is effective in chemically treating near-sightedness, but causes life-threatening allergic reactions in some users.

B In high doses, this substance can decrease the human body’s metabolic rate to a near-death crawl; the military has experimented with smaller doses intended to dull soldiers’ emotional responses.

C This intended anti-depressant has been known to cause yawn-induced orgasms.

Answer after the cut.
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Find the Fiend – Holiday Edition

Below are descriptions of three murderous Santas. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a homicidal costumed fat man who actually existed (and isn’t John Wayne Gacy). Can you Find the Fiend?

A) This troubled toy store employee made off with the company Santa Suit, which he then wore during an overnight killing spree.

B) This enraged rocket scientist decked himself out as jolly ol’ St. Nick before laying siege to his ex’s Christmas party with semi-automatics and Molotov cocktails.

C) This misguided bell-ringing charity Santa led a double life as a pickpocket and, upon being caught by a different charity Santa, promptly murdered and did away with the witness.

Answer after the cut.

The correct answer is b.

Tug at your collars and “too soon” me all you want – this 2008 story of Christmas carnage is too crazy not to reiterate. As a token of my respect for the victims and their families, I’ll forego any “Futurama” Santa references (but just the Santa ones. I can still say “Scruffy knows who killed them people.”) On December 18th of last year, Los Angeles natives Bruce Pardo and his ex-wife finalized their divorce and went their separate, acrimonious ways. The latter set about Christmas plans and, on Christmas Eve, attended a party at her parents’ house. The former, an unemployed NASA engineer, seethed home, rigged up a homemade flamethrower, loaded a couple handguns and slipped into a Santa suit. Despite his non-existent arrest record and violence-free past, Pardo stormed his former in-laws’ party with guns blazing and Molotov cocktails spiraling fiery arcs through the air. Nine people were killed. LA County coroner official Ed Winter summed up the killing spree thusly: “the entire family was wiped out, and there’s basically like 16 orphans.” As luck would have it, Pardo’s Santa suit was cauterized to his skin, burning him so severely that he permanently postponed his intended escape to Canada in favor of a quick and dirty bullet to the head. In conclusion, I’m still not completely sure how many orphans there were.

Statement a. described Billy Chapman, the axe-wielding, Santa-impersonating antagonist of the 1984 holiday-themed slasher flick “Silent Night, Deadly Night.” See, as a child, Billy watched a man in a Santa costume murder his parents, so… I don’t think I have to explain the science of this – when something kills someone you love, you become that thing and kill other people. It’s like how Lisa Niemi recently turned into pancreatic cancer and tried to mail herself to Val Kilmer.

Statement c. described the murderous rapscallion from the 2007 Christmas episode of Fox’s procedural soap, “Bones.” Fans surely felt that the best gift they received that year was an episode of the show in which the murderer wasn’t the first suspect introduced, who is generally immediately dismissed in favor of myriad motive-drenched red herrings, and then suddenly re-introduced in the final heart-stopping minutes as some puzzled-over mystery clue is suddenly linked to their innocuous, off-handedly remarked-upon hobby.

Hodgins: “I analyzed that regular baking flour we found in the wound… it’s actually Chinese baking flour.”

Dr. Bennan: “Oh my God… the victim’s cousin – he mentioned that he collects Asian bread-making supplies!”

Booth: “C’mon, Bones – ‘supplies’? Just call it ‘stuff,’ like everyone else.”

Angela: “I have the modern equivalent of Penny’s magic computer book from Inspector Gadget AND I’m sexual.”

Okay. I’m done.

Christmas episode.

Below are descriptions of three powerful weapons. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a deadly hunk of artillery that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a) Capable of killing, though generally used as a light, but humiliating, foe deterrent, this weapon causes its target to involuntarily void their bowels.

b) This spherical projectile is equipped with sharp prongs and a retractable, bone-puncturing protrusion that helps accelerate blood lose.

c) Silent and recoilless, this deadly firearm can supposedly unload 120,000 rounds per minute.

Answer after the cut.

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Below are descriptions of three malicious medical practitioners. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a sinister GP who has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

A) Accused of performing horrific medical experiments on a group of orphans, this mad doctor was eventually murdered by the hideously deformed children.

B) After his wife died, this crazed clinician allegedly began cutting the hearts out of his patients and futilely attempting to transplant the organs into his spouse’s corpse.

C) This deranged surgeon supposedly has the ability to detach individual parts of his body and send them out on sinister missions.

Answer after the cut.

The correct answer is A.

Loyal Weird Things readers will remember that the maniacal Dr. Crowe is the storied creator of Ohio’s mischievous Melon Heads, a tribe of deformed, murderous orphans whose noggins were medically enlarged through a combination of radiological experimentation and fluid injections. Dr. Crowe himself is a fixture of Cleveland-area urban legend, specifically in the suburb of Kirtland, where Crowe supposedly owned significant real estate holdings, including the dread estate (now, apparently, the summer home of a popular Cleveland radio personality) in which the hideous melon heads were created. The land that supposedly belonged to Crowe is now the Holden Arboretum, home of Bigfoot rumors and a morass of other assorted paranormal ado. I blame the woods. Clevelanders naturally fear any environment that doesn’t offer pay day loans.

Statement b.) described Dr. Rendell from the gory cult slasher film “Dr. Giggles.” Dr. Rendell is the father of the titular character, who goes insane while assisting his homicidal daddy. The film follows Evan Rendell, Jr. as he escapes from an asylum and goes on a slash-and-hack rampage using his pop’s old medical instruments. Oh, and he’s called Dr. Giggles because he giggles a lot. He also speaks in terrible medical puns that sound like they were written by Schumacher’s Mr. Freeze. Just to be clear: I unabashedly recommend this film.

Statement c.) described Dr. Ronald Meltzer from “Angel” episode 1×04 “I Fall to Pieces.” During its first season, when the Buffy spin-off was still trying to find its voice, a one-off episode about a doctor who uses Eastern mysticism to deconstruct his body so that he can send the pieces out to stalk women probably seemed like a guaranteed winner. Definitely better than the season 1 episode of Buffy where Willow scans an evil book and then the Internet gets possessed.

Below are descriptions of three evil vehicles. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a car monster that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

A: Known for targeting black victims, this spectral pick-up truck, possessed by the ghost of its racist owner, supposedly stalks the rural back roads of the American South.

B: The sought-after parts from this famous crashed automobile were transferred into other cars, all of which suffered brutal, deadly wrecks of their own.

C: This evil sedan is said to commit random hit and runs in the area surrounding a small Utah town. Legend states that a person targeted by the vehicle must take refuge in the local cemetery.

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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

• This scaly, winged creature, which some people claim has existed since biblical times, can allegedly rejuvenate its body by consuming human tissue.

• This powerful being is said to be the physical manifestation of a skilled ascetic’s projected thoughts.

• Thought to dwell in underground caverns, this strange rock creature is said to tunnel through stone by secreting a highly corrosive acidic solution.

Answer AFTER THE JUMP…

The correct answer is b.

A tulpa, or “thoughtform,” is a projected entity that Tibetan Buddhists believe can be created, shaped, manipulated and dissolved through a meditative process that allows a person (or group) to mentally focus a portion of his life energy outside of himself and psychically craft it into a separate, but spiritually tethered, object or being. The concept of tulpas entered western consciousness during the late 1800s after Alexandra David-Neel, an explorer, spiritualist and prolific author, wrote about her Buddhism-born ability to craft a portion of her disembodied consciousness into the form of jolly monk. Supposedly, she became so adept at casting the tulpa, it gained self-awareness and began threatening sinister deeds, at which point David-Neel destroyed it. As unexplained phenomena go, tulpas carry an impressive resume that includes several requisite black metal songs and stints on both “The X-Files” (6×13) and “Supernatural” (1×17).

Statement a. described the Creeper from the 2001 film “Jeepers Creepers.” Demonic, grumpy and brutish, the Creeper awakens every 23 years and goes questing after specific human body parts that he must eat in order to restore his own deteriorating anatomy. With his comically threatening van and ridiculous vanity license plate (BEATNGU), the Creeper presumably lures his prey by posing as a rejected Wacky Races character.

Statement c. described the Horta as featured in Star Trek’s 25th episode, “The Devil in the Dark,” which explains that every 50,000 years, the entire race of rocky, amorphous horta dies off, except one horta, who is left to guard the horta egg chamber and raise the baby horta. It’s this horta, wounded and frightened, that Kirk and the crew successfully heal and protect. Merriam-Webster’s definition of “horta”? “When repeated, the standard onomatopoeia used to represent Louis Anderson’s depressed binge eating.”

Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

• Supposedly freed from an underground chamber following an historic mine collapse, this winged prehistoric beast is said to fly at supersonic speeds.

• Those who have encountered this flying, horned monster report that it has a single hideous eye and emits strange, melodic sounds.

• This giant, purple bat-winged ape has been known to terrorize groups of hikers in the forests of Washington State.
 
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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

Supposedly sighted in and around the Shawnee National Forest, this lumbering, three-legged monster has large pink eyes and has proven immune to firearms.

These monstrous bipedal ocean dwellers allegedly inhabit the waters of coastal Washington and are often theorized to be fish that mutated as a result of industrial experiments.

This New Jersey-based sewer-dwelling mutant was supposedly created by radiation generated by the Chernobyl disaster.
 
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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

Sometimes discovered dead and mangled after flash floods, these pinkish, man-sized crustacean-like creatures supposedly inhabit the caves and forests of rural Vermont.

This race of clawed humanoids has been charged with covertly conspiring against humanity by strategically taking the form of popular media figures.

This 80-foot-long, black-scaled worm is allegedly responsible for creating massive underground tunnels, opening up giant sinkholes and collapsing houses in its wake.
 
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Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a.) These giant, people-eating insects have evolved the ability to take the shape of humans in order to camouflage themselves for maximal covert stalking.

b.) Boasting the legs of a goat and the head and torso of a man, this seven-foot tall abomination is known for wielding a double-edged axe and ambushing amorously engaged couples.

c.) This vicious human/shark hybrid that hunts humans and animals along the Atlantic coast is supposedly the end result of a gene-splicing experiment conducted by the Nazis.

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