Over 10,000 years ago a creature stalked the Tibetan landscape. 10 foot tall, weighing in at over 1,200 pounds, this lumbering herbivore moved like a massive version of a modern Orangutan. His name was Gigantopithecus and his species is a likely starting point for the Yeti and Bigfoot legends propagated even today.

And the blood of this noble creature stains the honor of our evolutionary ancestry.

Before we get to that, let’s back up a bit. Gigantopithecus has been on our radar since 1935 when a German paleoanthropologist was sold a far larger than normal molar at a bizarre in Hong Kong. Since then, a variety of dental records have been gathered to give us a better idea of what this massive beast was. As to the question of how it went extinct, there are a few theories.

Zhang’s team suggested the rise of the Tibetan plateau 1.6 million to 800,000 years ago altered the climate of South Asia, ushering in a colder, drier period when forests shrank. Other factors could have exacerbated this crisis. Gigantopithecus‘s neighbor, Homo erectus, may have over-hunted and/or outcompeted their larger ape cousin.

Homo erectus, a key link in the chain of life that brings to this point today, reading The Internet instead of working. They killed Gigantopithecus. They killed the Yeti.

[Smithsonian]

A female Yeti has finally been captured in the Republic of Ingushetia. The creature was spotting killing a sheep, before dragging it into the woods and eating it. Authorities found the beast and captured it.

“I tell you what. The animal looks like a gorilla. It is nearly two meters tall. We believe it’s a female, but she is really big. A gorilla usually moves using its front extremities, but this creature stands vertically, like a human being. She roars and produces strange sounds,” the minister said.

The animal is frightened; she eats meat and herbal food, the official added.

Or so the initial report read. Until the truth was revealed.

“That was a life-size puppet that we are going to use for New Year holidays. You guys just think – it’s December 29th – what kind of Yeti can there be before the New Year holidays? He will be our Yeti for three days: on December 29, 30 and 31,” the minister said.

The story was concocted for local children. The Yeti will be joined by several talking animals including a squirrel and a wolf.

You know what would have been a great way to cap off this awesome story? Not telling anyone until after the New Year! Stupid Republic of Ingushetia…

[Cryptomundo]

A recent collection of Yeti researchers in Siberia might have turned up evidence of a nest.

“We didn’t feel like the trees we saw in Siberia had been done by a man or another mammal…. Twisted trees like this have also been observed in North America and they could fit with the theory that Bigfoot makes nests. The nests we have looked at are built around trees twisted together into an arch shape,” Bindernagel told the British tabloid The Sun.

Next up: proof of Yeti pillow or electric blanket.

[Live Science]

Sightings are up. The legends are building. In the foothills of Siberia, the time has finally come for scientists from around the globe to unite in a common cause.

Finding the Yeti.

Researchers from Russia, the U.S., Canada, Sweden, Estonia, Mongolia and China will arrive later this week at a conference designed to find evidence of the beast.

Alleged sightings of Yetis in Kemerovo and the neighboring Altai region, about 1,988 miles (3,200 kilometers) east of Moscow, are up three times compared to 20 years ago, with scientists estimating that there is a current population of at least several dozen in the area.

Other evidence of the existence of the creatures — such as basic twig huts, twisted branches and footprints of up to 35 centimeters (14 inches) — also has been found in the area.

Wood Goblins are next.

[Fox News]

While former Russian president Vladimir Putin was publicly flirting with a return to power, he finally gave his opinion on a far more important matter, the ongoing presence of Yetis and Wood Goblins in the remote areas of his expansive home country.

We’ve previously covered this fascinating battle in depth on the site and on the podcast.

Outdoor Life writer Gayne C. Young published a lengthy written interview with Putin about hunting, fishing and camping in the great outdoors of Russia. However, the question and answer we most cared about did not make the final cut. Specifically, it was “Are there Yetis or Russian ‘wood goblins’ in the taiga?”

Here is the answer, as published in a French Magazine:

Putin responded to the question with this answer: “Everything is possible. I recommend you come and look. Will not guarantee success, but the search itself will surely bring satisfaction. ”

[Outdoor Life via Cryptomundo]

Ever wondered if there was a degree ever more impractical than your double major of philosophy and sociology? We encourage you to submit your application to Kemerovo State University where you can become culturally enriched and educated at their recently announced Yeti Institute.

The facility comes after a recent run of Abominable Snowman sightings in the Siberian mountains. It will be headed up by Igor Burtsev who believes the current creatures being spotted are surviving Neanderthals.

He explains:

‘We spoke to local residents’, said Dr Igor Burtsev, who conducted an expedition last summer and will head the new institute at Kemerovo State University. ‘They told us Yetis were stealing their animals.’

The academic claims around 30 Yetis live in a remote region of Mount Shoria in in southern Siberia.

He strongly denies accusations that the ’sightings’ are a bizarre ruse to attract tourists to the far-flung region.

Reports say the two-legged creatures are heavy-set, more around 7ft tall and resemble bears.

‘Their bodies were covered in red and black fur, and they could climb trees,’ said one account.

We immediately have two questions. Is there anything more awesome than this? Will they accept transfer credits from community college?

[Daily Mail via Cryptomundo]

You are not ready for this, the coolest battle between animals in the history of recorded civilization. Due to forest fires, Yetis have unnaturally migrated to a new area of Russia. The problem? Local bears haven’t taken to kindly to their new neighbors and a full scale GD war has broken out!

This year’s expedition to Mountain Shoria is already the third. One of its participants, the director of the International Center for Hominology Igor Burtsev assures that yetis leave traces of their stay in the taiga and fight with local bears.

“They make strange pyramidal constructions of trunks and branches in the wood – sometimes 3 or 4 meters, sometimes only 30 cm high. Sometimes they bend huge trees and twist their trunks like wheels. A human being is just not strong enough for that, and there seems to be no need for bears to do this. At first, we thought that yetis do this to make shelters, but then we came to the conclusion that this is a sort of landmark for them. Or, maybe, this is a way for a yeti to say something to its congeners.”

Hardest part about sussing out the truth in this front line story? Many local farmers have been confusing Yetis for Wood Goblins. This quote is too good not to re-quote. Prepare yourself…

“Folk beliefs say that the wood goblin is the master of the woods. All animals, even bears, submit to him. The wood goblin has a strong hypnotic power, thus he is not afraid of any animal.”

I am so moving to Russia.

[Voice of Russia]

Special guest Dr. Karen Stollznow helps the gang plan a heist for a sacred Yeti paw. Brian and Justin get enormous glee from watching Andrew get corrected. The ethics of eating canned whale meat is debated. We also find out how ready and willing we are to be corrupted by the dark side.

Then a super secret plan (shhhh!) is hatched to get prominent skeptics tripped out on psychoactives so we can see what happens when they have their own double rainbow experience.

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So awesome.

KEMEROVO, April 29 (Itar-Tass) ? A resident of the village Senzaskie Kichi, Kemerovo Region, hunter Afanasy Kiskorov, claims that he rescued a Yeti during a spring flood on the mountainous river of Kabyrza. His actions were witnessed by local residents, Itar-Tass learnt at the administration of the Tashtagol district of the Kemerovo Region, a supposed habitation place of a hominid.

While fishing, Kiskorov and other local hunters heard strong ice crushing and shrill howling. Rushing to the piercing shriek, the huntsmen saw “a creature, covered with dark-brown fur,” in the river some ten metres from the bank.

“The strange creature, looking like a huge man, tried several times to get out of water and to stand up on both feet, but dropped into the water each time and was howling. The hunters stood frozen, and only Kiskorov hurried to offer help: he threw the creature the dry trunk of a young aspen tree, the creature clutched to it and crawled to the bank,” the district administration said.

This, of course, means the Yeti owes him a life debt. One only repaid through faithful servitude in a multitude of space adventures.

[Cryptomundo]

Over time fads and tastes change. You’d think that at least Yeti’s could remain immune to this kind of cultural pressure. Sadly no. His appearance and behavior has changed over the years.

From the December 27th, 1937 Milwaukee Journal, we have one of the earliest accounts ever of a Yeti.

When Col. Bury was a little more than 20,000 feet up on the desolate slopes of Mount Everest, helmeted against the intense cold, he suddenly stopped as though he had been struck. There before him in the glistening snow were the marks of what looked like a naked human foot.

He called the coolies. They were terrified, and exclaimed that the tracks were those of a “wild hairy man,” one of the race of “abominable snowmen.”

Black hair and a tail?

A Tibetan shepherd who claims to have shot one, vowed that he was eight feet tall, leapt 20 feet, and had a tail on which he could sit without slipping on the ice. The snowman had long black hair, and an appetite not merely for yaks, but for human beings.

Fans of lovable, white haired and perhaps only slightly grumpy Yeti’s will be disappointed to find out that back then they came across as more like cold loving cannibal naked meth heads then lonely Wampas wanting hugs from Jedis and the occasional Tauntaun jerky treat.

The Milwaukee Journal. – Google News Archive Search

photo credit: Jeremy Burgin

Prompted by reports of human like creatures near a Siberian cave, a team of investigators lead by Igor Burtsev from the International Center for Hominology is heading out to the tundra to see what they can see:

The local administration has so far received 14 written reports from residents of far-off villages who allegedly saw yetis near the Azasskaya cave. According to the reports, the creatures were heavyset, about two meters’ tall and looking a lot like bears. Their bodies were covered in red and black fur, and they could climb trees.

If they’re successful we might have finally found the elusive Yeti. If not then hopefully this turns out to be some sort of other cool new species we didn’t know about before.