Who ya gonna call when someone you know or love or even yourself is suffering from demonic possession?

Answer? Not the Ghostbusters.

No. You’re going to call the Catholic Church. Not because the Ghostbusters are a fictional group of ghost-catching celebrities who can’t get their act together for that long-awaited third film.

You’ll be calling because the church is offering the service in the real world and the big clincher in our recession-slammed economy…it’s free.

The Catholic Church’s largest diocese is located in Milan is now offering exorcisms over-the-phone.

Chief exorcist Monsignor Angelo Mascheroni has recently doubled the amount of people manning the phones because of the increasing level of possession.

“We get many requests for names, addresses and phone numbers; that’s why we’ve set up a switchboard in the curia from Monday to Friday from 2.30pm to 5pm. People in need can call and will be able to find a priest in the same area who doesn’t have to travel too far.”

Monsignor says that most of the calls that come in are simply parents of disobedient teens that are dealing with typical disobedient teen stuff and that the actual phenomena of demonic possession are rare. Other calls from parents claiming their child is possessed are, sadly, simply children with psychiatric or mental disorders.

We’re just wondering when the app will drop.

[The Independent UK]

Police officers in northern Penang, Malaysia raided a house after getting a distressed phone call from someone.

What they found was a pile of eight, chanting adults covered with a blanket lying on the floor of a bedroom.

Underneath this bizarre dog-pile was a 3 year-old girl who’d been suffocated by the adults on top of her. The adults that took part in this eerie and disturbing scene were the girl’s parents, grandmother, uncle, aunt, two cousins and the family’s maid in a ritual to remove the evil spirits that apparently inhabited the child.

All eight adults are currently being detained.
[ABC NEWS]

Because Florida isn’t already weird enough now that they’ve added bath salt-created, face-eating zombies to the list, a literacy teacher at Lealman and Asian Neighborhood Family Center in St. Petersburg has been jailed for performing what appears to be some kind of strange ritual involving seven children!

Just before sunrise on a Saturday morning, Danielle Harkins was with these seven children around a small fire near the St. Petersberg Pier. Harkins told the children their bodies needed to be rid of demons by cutting their skin open. Once they’d let the supposed demons out, they’d have to burn their wounds closed to prevent the demons from returning.

Police were tipped off when one of the teens sent a text message to a friend. That friend showed the message to the parents of the teen that sent it.

While none of the teens that attended the weird ritual are really opening up as to why they gathered that morning, some details have emerged. One teen suffered a cut on the neck from a broken bottle which had been cauterized by a heated key. Another teen suffered second-degree burns when the flame from a lighter Harkins was using to burn a hand-wound kept going out. Harkins then doused the teen’s hand in perfume and ignited it.

At this point no one knows the reasons behind the gathering or the bizarre ritual except for Harkins and the teens who were there.

[Miami Herald]

A pair of fraud Romanian fortune tellers have been busted for the oldest tricks in the rankable page index: Googling information on their clients.

The two made a living allegedly selling “the future” to customers by pearing into a crystal ball. Their claims were only bolstered by the fact that they seemed to know so many other facts about the lives of those that called upon them. Police exposed their antics after an accomplice attempted to bribe an officer to make the whole affair go away.

Although the pair are shut down now, it did not come soon enough for one poor woman who was parted with a large sum of cash in one of the most awesome scams ever.

One woman told how she had believed the two Roma women were genuine mystics, and had been persuaded to take tens of thousands of pounds and go to a nearby lake for a midnight ritual. She had been told that she had to release herself from the burden of her money and throw it all in the lake – but when she hesitated a demon like figure had emerged from the water and in a panic – she had thrown the money into the water and run away.

But police discovered that the water devil was in fact a pal of the pair who had put on diving gear and a mask to terrify the unsuspecting victim.

The Old Water Demon Running Out Of The Lake graft. What a rube.

[Austrian Times]

As many of us reconstitute ourselves after surviving the Christmas weekend, everyone can count ourselves lucky that we didn’t get a visit from the Krampus. This Germanic folklore creature is the raging, punitive ying to the sobering, genial, jelly bellied yang of Santa Claus.

See, the Krampus doesn’t cop to this namby pamby you’ve-been-bad-so-you-get-coal-in-your-stocking nonsense. No. He needs to see the wicked punished. And he aims to do it his darn self. Getting all up in your face… one naughty house at a time, kidnapping awful children and eating them.

Krampus is a mythical creature recognized in Alpine countries. According to legend, Krampus accompanies St. Nicholas (Santa Claus) during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children, in contrast to St. Nicholas, who gives gifts to good children. When the Krampus finds a particularly naughty child, it stuffs the child in its sack and carries the frightened child away to its lair, presumably to devour for its Christmas dinner.

So, just in case you were wondering where your sister went. Much more Krampus action, including a few videos of Krampus cosplay over at Cryptomundo.

[Cryptomundo]