In A Year Of Movie Hauntings, Take This Quiz To See If You’re Experiencing Paranormal Activity
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
Did 2009’s surprise blockbuster Paranormal Activity get under your skin?
Did you start to notice an evil presence in your house?
Did you ever catch the evil trying to sniff your hair or put its hand on your leg?
Do you wake up and see a strange figure standing in the darkened corner of your bedroom (and you know it’s not your landlord because he’s masturbating in the other corner)?
Have you heard of Occam’s Razor? If yes, did you apply it and go down to the basement to check for breaks in the runic binding circle that keeps the angry ghosts from the cemented-over slave cemetery restricted to the laundry room area?
Has your significant other repeatedly discovered you sleepwalking around the house or eerily standing over the bed? Did this behavior start before or after the ghost wrote you a prescription for Ambian?
Did a mysterious grease fire break out on your Ouija board even though you specifically remember draining the bacon fat off into the diving tub from Mouse Trap?
Does your cat ever stare off into space at something that isn’t there while the something stares back at the cat and they stay like that for an hour and a half until the something blinks and your cat wins so then all of a sudden your cat’s walking around the house with a “1st Place” medal pinned to it?
Did you buy a protective sigil off eBay that turned out to be a promotional plastic figurine of the stargate? Did you hang it up anyway because, hey – stargate?
Did you create a complex 100-level system to gauge the severity of the haunting, and then conclude that it’s currently at level 72? Did you later rework the system so that instead of boring numbers, it used pretty stars and instead of a 72, the haunting’s a 23 because, seriously, who’s gonna draw 72 f***ing stars?
Do you ever find yourself wishing that there were a show just like CSI except that it takes place inside a mountain and all the detectives are baby animals? Does the ghost know about this wish? If “yes,” has it tried to use it against you (e.g., by granting it, but on a channel you don’t get)?
“Avatar.” Discuss.
Like the lost city of El Dorado, or perhaps more appropriately like the profusion of rumored “midget towns” across the country, the ultimate haunted house attraction is an infamous and highly sought after fantasy destination. These rumored Halloween paradises aren’t advertised and move to a different hidden location every year. They’re generally described as multi-floored (anywhere from 3 to 13) warehouses run by mysterious, wealthy cabals. Some allegedly offer full refunds to anyone who can make it through the entire production (sometimes the refund is offered in installments paid out as a participant completes each floor). Of course, they’re so genuinely terrifying that no one has ever managed to reclaim the full entry fee.










