Archive for the ‘Poltergeist’ Category

Man’s Wife Gets Beaten by Evil Demon Poltergeist – Hires Pro Demon Slayer to do Battle

Wednesday, July 8th, 2015

Tracey and Kerion Fry have marriage problems.

And not in the normal domestic disturbance kind of way, either.

According to the Frys, an evil, seriously pissed-off poltergeist is plaguing their marriage and their home.

Before calling upon help, the couple have allegedly been dealing with an entity that beats Mrs. Fry and leaves marks of its attack. With attacks becoming more intense, Kerion decided to call in a professional slayer of demons to stop his wife Tracey from getting beaten.

“We are being molested by demons. My wife goes to bed fine, doesn’t feel anything in the night but when she wakes up she’s in agony. I wake up the next day and said: ‘I didn’t do that’. I would never beat my wife. It’s getting worse and worse and there’s nothing we can do.”

In the name of love, Kerion sought out the help of Robert Amour who beats the crap out of demons for a living.

Amour entered the home and determined that it wasn’t just a single demon, but a group of demons. In a battle where love and a marriage were at stake, Amour says he slayed two of the evil spirits:

“As soon as I arrived at the home I could sense there was negative energy. The incubus was brought via a ouija board – they are an absolute danger and can bring through anything. This particular one was reluctant to go. I always speak to their residents first about exactly what they can see. I listen and deal with it from there. I can normally see the demons straight away. I then focus on it and move it on to a heavenly state.
‘I don’t send it back where it came from. It takes a while for things to calm down as you have to allow the negative energy to return to positive energy.”

Amour says that there were three demons and he single-handedly laid waste to two of them using nothing more than a bible and a crucifix.

Unfortunately Amour states that he was not able to cleanse the house of the third, most powerful demon and that, after his exhaustive battle with the lesser two, he wishes the Frys well in the future.

Always reassuring to hear from a professional demon slayer.

Currently the Frys are still dealing with an evil nightmare demon from hell…

And armed only with love.

[Express UK]

Amazing Kreskin Opens Supernatural Dating Site – Predicts It Will Take Dating to a New Dimension

Friday, March 27th, 2015

In a move only he could’ve seen coming…you know….because he’s who he is…the Amazing Kreskin has opened the gates on a new dating site…

A site for “enthusiasts of the paranormal, the unexplained, the mystical, the implausible…”

While we’re pretty sure the guy-to-girl ratio will probably be a lot like a magic club, Kreskin is predicting (yeah…we know) great things for the site:

“I have a feeling that it’s going to take on a dimension that I never realized.”

With Kreskin’s foresight that online graphic design will eventually swing back around to the geocities-era of the internet, the site will probably lure a niche market of older folks who have seen, captured or smelled a bigfoot or been abducted by time-traveling Atlanteans who need love just like the rest of us.

Which brings up some questions: What sort of beings are looking for love? Will they all be human or other things in diguise? Are there vampires and werewolves worried about the fall out from a public tryst in light of the Twilight movies? Are there off-world species seeking to swing it with a human for a cheap thrill on their way to somewhere else? Are the reptilians using the site for some sinister plot? Will other creatures find that someone special without having to brave daylight, pitchforks and torches?

Or is it just a bunch of lonely, probably really nice people just looking for a little companionship in a big and often harsh, ridiculing reality?

Answers will only come with time…

And filling out the sign up page.


News Crew Investigates Alleged Home Haunting – Makes Ghost Angry

Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

A news crew was sent to do a story about an alleged haunted house that it set to be featured on a new show called the ‘Dead Files’.

From the sound of it, the whole crew seemed to have the what-could-possibly-go-wrong attitude.

What they didn’t expect is that the anchor woman would get pinched and touched and that the camera guy would get scratched by whatever might be lurking in the house.

There’s really not much to be snarky about…except for the studio employee that just had to lighten the mood by messing with the studio’s dimmer at the end of the clip.

There’s always THAT guy.