Archive for December, 2011

It’s 2012! The Year a Rogue Planet Crashes Into Earth and Kills Us All

Friday, December 30th, 2011

As we count down the final days of 2011, it’s high time we moved into serious put up or shut up time for the 2012 prophecies. Our favorite to watch out for (literally) is the promise that a planet Nibiru will crash into Earth, ending humanity.

Beginning in 1995 by alleged alien contactee Nancy Lieder, she offered the following warning…

Lieder originally called the bringer of doom “Planet X,” and later connected it to a planet that was hypothesized to exist by a writer named Zecharia Sitchin in his book “The 12th Planet” (Harper 1976). According to Sitchin (1920-2010), the ancient Sumerians wrote about a giant planet called Nibiru — the “twelfth planet” in the solar system, after the other planets (including Pluto), the sun and moon — which has an oblong orbit that swings near Earth every 3,600 years. Humans actually evolved on Nibiru, he said, and colonized this planet during a previous flyby.

Of course, there is no astronomical proof that Nibiru, or anything like Nibiru, exists or that Earth is on a collision course with a planet of any size. Of course, that might just be what it wants you to think.

[Life’s Little Mysteries]

Vintage iBook Ad Demonstrates Telekinetic Powers

Friday, December 30th, 2011

This iBook commercial from the very early Return of Jobs era for Apple demonstrates something very rare for Mac products. Not the telekinetic ability to move physical objects with a mouse or empty your garbage with a click of your OS9 drop down menu.

No, this is an example of one of the last Apple ads where a feature that isn’t actually available is demonstrated. Apple’s recent ads have all religiously opted against metaphoric messages. Instead they’ve highlighted stylized versions of actual usage. Even when Santa is using Siri, everything he does is something a new customer could do right out of the box. Although, we aren’t sure if iCal can handle 3.7 billion contacts on one day.

Thanks to Mark Sissons for sending this along.

Video Footage of Female Yeti Captured in Russia [Yeti Watch]

Friday, December 30th, 2011

A female Yeti has finally been captured in the Republic of Ingushetia. The creature was spotting killing a sheep, before dragging it into the woods and eating it. Authorities found the beast and captured it.

“I tell you what. The animal looks like a gorilla. It is nearly two meters tall. We believe it’s a female, but she is really big. A gorilla usually moves using its front extremities, but this creature stands vertically, like a human being. She roars and produces strange sounds,” the minister said.

The animal is frightened; she eats meat and herbal food, the official added.

Or so the initial report read. Until the truth was revealed.

“That was a life-size puppet that we are going to use for New Year holidays. You guys just think – it’s December 29th – what kind of Yeti can there be before the New Year holidays? He will be our Yeti for three days: on December 29, 30 and 31,” the minister said.

The story was concocted for local children. The Yeti will be joined by several talking animals including a squirrel and a wolf.

You know what would have been a great way to cap off this awesome story? Not telling anyone until after the New Year! Stupid Republic of Ingushetia…


And Now… the Horrifying Christmas Krampus Parade

Friday, December 30th, 2011

We previously discussed the Krampus here. In short, he’s a demon equivalent to Santa Claus who kidnaps naughty children on Christmas Eve, takes them to his lair and eats them.

Here they are on parade.

Hide ya wife. Hide ya kids.

Thanks to Coverville’s own Brian Ibbot for passing this along.

17th Precient Pilot Uses Copious Magi-babble to Cast the Spell of Boring [Review]

Friday, December 30th, 2011

17th Precinct from ddt73 on Vimeo.

io9 has posted the un-picked up pilot for Ronald D. Moore’s magician cop NBC pilot 17th Precient. We will post the embed here for as long as it stays up but should you not catch it, don’t worry.

17th combines all the worst tendencies of the final seasons of Battlestar with enough nonsense magi-babble to choke a unicorn. It also features startlingly generic performances from BSG favorites Tricia Helfer, Jamie Bamber and James Callis.

Plot-wise, the missing element in all of this is relatable human emotion. Partners Bamber and Callis somberly shuffle through the BFF buddy cop two-step giving viewers no reason to care if they live or die. Meanwhile, our plot is continually complicated by random magic elements and barriers that have no weight since they are being literally invented as the script moves along.

None of the main characters have any real skin in the game. It’s just a regular day at the “magical” office. Contrast that with other properties freely employing magical elements, Harry Potter and Pushing Daisies, which were packed with enough compelling human drama you could remove the spells and still be entertained.

io9’s Meredith Woerner revels in bits of creativity imbued into the universe.

We can understand how a pack of “Just Keep Making Three And A Half Men” executives might not grasp the white hot creativity burning from this one episode, because it hasn’t been done before. This world is, to put it bluntly, exceptionally weird. The energy sources are different (plants) their religion is different (Wiccan?) — even their paper is different (it’s a stream of smoke light people dip their fingers into, then they point to a paper and PRESTO — news.) All the same “weird sh-t items” we’re betting that Moore had to fight to save at every turning point on Battlestar Galactica. But these two dramas are only similar in two ways: their cast, and the fact that they demand the audience to jump into this brave new world, or else you can just show yourself out.

The props are not the play. We didn’t love the sawed off edges on every piece of paper in Battlestar because they were different. We loved the sawed off edges because the papers themselves contained grave warnings, great news and horrifying revelations. Subbing in frak for f-ck is iconic only if it’s a tool to express emotion, which through the bulk of BSG was done extremely well.

In 17th all these little flourishes, although certainly different, are left to die on the vine because they aren’t used to do anything particularly relatable or interesting.

If it took a bunch of meatheaded NBC executives to stop io9 telling me how much I was missing out by not watching this over a period of weeks, then let me know where to send the fraking fruit basket.

Five Characters that Must Be Offered at New Sci Fi Brothel

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

A new brothel is set to open in 2012 offering patrons the ability to make deep contact with Science Fiction beauties. It is the brainchild of Dennis Hof, the owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, most prominently featured in the HBO series Cathouse.

So as this institution is erected, I figured we’d pitch a few suggestions for some of the girls we feel would be very popular with future clientele. On a side note, they should seriously just build a monorail direct from CES to this place. It’s going to look like the road the Woodstock every night of the convention.


Mary the Three Breasted Mutant from Total Recall Whichever young lady decides to park herself in the make-up chair for a few hours in the morning to get this baby pasted on is going to be saying to themselves “I wish I had more hands… to hold all this money!” Bonus: This character is actually a hooker. From Mars.


Jar Jar Binks People work out hate in the strangest ways.


Loraine Baines Okay, it was kind of weird when she got all riled up flirting with her own son. But imagine, if that just happened to be you hit by Mr. Baine’s car and taken into Loraine’s room in 1959? Each costumer gets a free pair of underwear and the working girl promises to call you Calvin.

OR… for REALLY disturbed high rollers you execute the entire scene with their own mother. Then you can provide a childhood picture of the patron that slowly fades away.


Tribbles Why shouldn’t the yiffers get a little Sci Fi bang for their buck?


Orion Slave Girl This is the Big Mac of the SF sex trade. Iconic costume, fairly easy to execute and a character known not only for banging people but specifically banging Captain Kirk. Nobody minds Kirk’s sloppy seconds, if it was good enough for Picard it’s good enough for us! Aside from the various forms of Princess Leia, this is going to be your number one seller.

We are pretty sure that Hof’s establishments only offer female companionship however, if male talent is hired, we’d suggest the Doctor Manhattan special. It requires three blue dudes, two to service the customer and one to conduct a science experiment in the next room.

Thanks to everyone on Twitter who helped me with this list. I’ll see you all in Vegas!

Get Free Andrew Mayne Short Stories

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

Are you a fan of Andrew Mayne’s fiction books? Would you like to know all the inside scoop on what’s coming next? Sneak peaks at projects in progress? Free un-published anywhere else short stories?


If you happen to already be signed up for Andrew’s Magic mailing list, please be advised this is something totally different.


Podcast: Serial Killer Christmas Card

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

Skitched 20110225 175343

Andrew catalogues some of the forgotten heroes of Christmas including trolls, elves, Oden and a midnight menace so scary the Pope had to take action against them. Bonnie The Invisible Wife tuns the tables on Mayne, inventing a bone chilling (yet strangely erotic) scenario involving a grim Christmas gift request. Brian brings to light a new commercial comparing the most infamous group of racists ever and their possible allegiance with dog lovers everywhere. Justin passionately defends the right to name planets silly names.

Everyone gives their 2012 predictions! Space Age II! Politicians! Maker Bots! AND MORE!

Support the show by purchasing Andrew’s BRAND NEW BOOK The Chronological Man: The Martian Emperor just click on the image below.


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Andrew Mayne’s brand new book The Chronological Man: The Martian Emperor

Behold! The Universal Guide to Sex Faces

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

A Spanish researcher has released the results of a study seeking to codify the faces made during sex. 100 volunteers recording their mugs during some kind of sexual event which ended in completion. The faces were reviewed for similarities amongst each other in an effort match them to the Facial Action Coding System, a database for human facial movements. The video above, although unrelated to this study, shows some of the Action Units from FACS.

But according to the study, here are the faces you see whilst on the job…

• AU42 (slit eyes)
• AU43 (closed eyes)

• AU4 (frown/brow lower)
• AU6 (cheek raise)

• AU10 (upper lip raise)
• AU12 (lip corner pull)
• AU25 (lips part)
• AU26 (jaw drop)
• AU27 (mouth stretch)

• AU 29 or 30 (jaw thrust, or jaw sideways)

Or as we’ve nicknamed them…

• AU42 (The Newborn Puppy)
• AU43 (The See No Evil)

• AU4 (The I’ve Made A Horrible Mistake)
• AU6 (The Alvin also known as The Simon or Theodore)

• AU10 (The 1%)
• AU12 (The Fish Hook)
• AU25 (The Shy Librarian)
• AU26 (The Hangman’s Daughter)
• AU27 (The Fly Catcher)

• AU 29 or 30 (The Mr. Hyde)

Read about the rest of the study as well as some important questions at the link below.

[Improbable Research]

“2012 Apocalypse Prophecy is Nonsense” Says Guy Who Prophecized Apocalypse in 2011

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

Harold Camping, who famously predicted the rapture twice in 2011, has retired from his role as host on the Christian station Family Radio Network and from doomsday predictions in general. An aide says Camping will make no proclamations for the coming year.

And as for those persistent theories that the Mayan calendar heralds the end of days in 2012. You know, the ones that threaten to turn all of our New Year’s Resolutions into Bucket List items?


One thing is guaranteed, however: Camping will not be jumping on the bandwagon with people who believe the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012 — the date that supposedly marks the end of the Mayan calendar cycle. “Mr. Camping does not believe the Mayan calendar holds any significance at all,” Espinoza said in an email.

I can’t explain it, but I think this makes the 2012 prophecy slightly more credible.

[Life’s Little Mysteries]

Deadly Lizard Captured in San Diego, Probably Not a Comic Con Publicity Stunt

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011


In what would go down as the earliest Comic-Con publicity stunt in support of 2012’s new film Amazing Spider-man, a venomous lizard was captured in San Diego.

The 2-foot-long lizard, native to the southwestern U.S. and northern Mexico, is being kept at a county animal shelter in Carlsbad until officials with the state Department of Fish and Game can devise a relocation plan.

“It’s very dangerous and illegal to possess without a permit,” said Lt. Dan DeSousa of the animal services department.

Although we cannot prove this an organic way to get Southern California nerds terrified of lizards, just like Peter Parker will be on July 3rd in 3D and IMAX, we do hope that Rhys Ifans finds it funny.

[LA Times]

How to Make a Dino-Chicken

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
Can science turn back the clock on evolution to make a chicken into a dinosaur? Find out in this incredible LiveScience infographic.

Although we are pretty sure he’s been talking about this concept for far longer than a year, Jack Horner’s idea to create dinosaurs from chickens is listed among the most “wacky but serious” ideas of 2011 by Live Science. We’d like to think of it as more “awesome but deadly” or “foreboding but the coolest thing ever” but to each their own.

One point of correction however, the Live Science story makes mention that Horner served as a technical advisor to the Jurassic Park film. While that is true it’s also way understating the point. The legendarily curious, adventurous paleontologist was the partial inspiration for our curious, adventurous paleontologist hero Dr. Alan Grant in Michael Crichton’s source material.

Either way, Horner is awesome and we are closer to dinosaurs today than we were yesterday thanks to him. And as always… hold on to your butts.

[Live Science]

And Now, a 1982 Book Written by a Woman Claiming to Be from Venus

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011


Her name is Vivenus.

She is from Venus.

She looks human.

She wrote a book in 1982.

She plays guitar.

And all she wants you to do is open your heart and experience love an joy instead of letting word police clip your wings. Also, she wouldn’t mind if you purchased her book, which is now repurposed for Kindle.

Here is a snippet…

“Before I came to the Earth plane, when I was at home on Venus, I had a vision of all of you. I felt that the Earth would welcome – if not me – then the truths I would discover to help them find the peace and inner contentment, independent of what happens on the outside. But now I know my vision was a mirage. The Earth seems satisfied to resign itself to depression, despair, and dead ends. Does this planet Earth need me from Venus? Did it ever need me? I still don’t know.”

Vivenus: Starchild will cost you $4.95.

[Amazon via UFO Digest]

Hopefully, You Were Not Visited by Santa’s Demon Equivalent this Christmas

Monday, December 26th, 2011


As many of us reconstitute ourselves after surviving the Christmas weekend, everyone can count ourselves lucky that we didn’t get a visit from the Krampus. This Germanic folklore creature is the raging, punitive ying to the sobering, genial, jelly bellied yang of Santa Claus.

See, the Krampus doesn’t cop to this namby pamby you’ve-been-bad-so-you-get-coal-in-your-stocking nonsense. No. He needs to see the wicked punished. And he aims to do it his darn self. Getting all up in your face… one naughty house at a time, kidnapping awful children and eating them.

Krampus is a mythical creature recognized in Alpine countries. According to legend, Krampus accompanies St. Nicholas (Santa Claus) during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children, in contrast to St. Nicholas, who gives gifts to good children. When the Krampus finds a particularly naughty child, it stuffs the child in its sack and carries the frightened child away to its lair, presumably to devour for its Christmas dinner.

So, just in case you were wondering where your sister went. Much more Krampus action, including a few videos of Krampus cosplay over at Cryptomundo.


Unwrap an iPad or Kindle Yesterday? Fill it with 2011’s Breakout Science Fiction Author Andrew Mayne

Monday, December 26th, 2011


The breakout Science Fiction author of 2011 is waiting to invade that brand spanking new eReader of your choice. If you found yourself a Kindle Fire or iPad 2 under the Christmas tree this year you need to snag entire Andrew Mayne catalogue, all for under $4.

The Weird Things podcast host has four best selling titles: Grendel’s Shadow, Public Enemy Zero, The Chronological Man: A Monster in the Mist and The Chronological Man: The Martian Emperor

Since they all cost .99¢ each, you can have hours and hours of critically acclaimed, groundbreaking SciFi writing for less than the price of lunch.

Here is what people are saying about the works of Andrew Mayne:

“What I found was a gem of a book for only .99 cents. A fast paced thriller that I literally couldn’t put down. I will definitely be checking out the other Andrew Mayne titles on Kindle.”

skitched-20111226-111555.jpgRobert Gemienhardt about Public Enemy Zero

“Mayne’s books just keep better! The Chronological Man: The Monster in the Mist was excellent! It had well written characters, good dialog and a great story to be told!”

Simone Allyne about The Chronological Man: The Monster in the Mist

“This book reminds me of all of the best elements of old school science fiction, combined with modern sensibilities.”

Dennis Owens Jr. about The Chronological Man: The Emperor of Mars

Find all of Andrew’s books here or download them directly from your eReader or smart phone using the Kindle, iBooks or Nook store apps.


The Doctor Celebrates Life Day [Doctor Who Dissection]

Monday, December 26th, 2011

Chatting trees, mother knows best and things get dusty for the Doctor. The Christmas Day episode of Doctor Who written by current series mastermind Stephen Moffat gave us something we got frightfully little of this season: a competent episode.

God bless us, every one.

Further dissection on “The Doctor, The Widow and The Wardrobe” AFTER THE JUMP. (more…)