Archive for the ‘Hysteria’ Category

Store Opens – Caters to Surviving the Apocalypse!

Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

Everyone say thank you to those crazy Mayans. Not only did they give us reason to create some truly spectacular parties where hangovers and regret would never even have a chance to hit us but those forward-thinking ancient-folk are also helping build small businesses like this one in Fayetteville, New York.

‘Survival: Adventure to Apocalypse’ is a real store catering to everyone’s favorite Mayan holiday…Armageddon. Owner and lady with a name that should heave her into a television-action series soon, Calypso Ford has stocked her new business venture with everything from boots for your pets to waterproof notepads as the impending, and probably disappointing, end of the world draws to its conclusion.

Ford’s store won’t carry guns or ammunition but it will carry items that would help people during something like a natural disaster. Survival: Adventure to Apocalypse will be open 7 days a week leading up the big day.

We’re going to be the first in line on the 22nd for the big half-off sale.

[CNYCentral News]

WeirdThings Tracking Zombie/Cannibal Activity World-Wide

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

Grab your shovels, shotguns and a copy of Zombieland, kids…we’re just gettin’ started.

Here’s your cannibal/zombie update for the July 4th holiday:

United States - In Georgia, Karl Laventure consumes everyone’s favorite new synthetic brain-melter, bath salts. In a somewhat trendy move, he strips naked and begins running around and shouting. Only this time it’s not on a causeway…it’s a golf course. Laventure was running across a golf course, naked, twirling a golf club above his head and shouting to officers who attempted to stop him, “I’ma eat you. I’ll eat you! I don’t want to eat you but I will!” Laventure shrugged off pepper spray blasts and five tasers before the sixth taser brought him under control. Go acquaint yourself with just one taser to fully comprehend what that feels like. Seriously…SIX TASERS!

China - Racing to the top of the news chain, the Shanghai Daily blasts the front page with a story of a bus driver who drove his bus into an intersection and ended up blocking a woman’s vehicle. The bus driver jumps out of his bus and begins playing ‘Whack-a-Mole’ on her windshield with his fists. Terrified, the woman flees her car. Within seconds the bus driver reaches her, tosses her to the ground and begins chewing on her face. Several plastic surgeries will be needed to restore her face to ‘normal’.

Russia - Body parts begin turning up in a basement and floating down the Moscow river that lead authorities to Nikolai Shadrin. Police arrive at Shadrin’s apartment to find him calmly eating stew…a stew which consists of pieces of his friend, Ilya Yegorov. Shadrin is convicted when his fingerprints show up all over the small garden shovel he used to portion out Yegorov. Shadrin nails his conviction shut when he confesses he also dined on Yegorov’s liver like a certain literary cannibal we all know (except that Shadrin seems like the type to drink his chianti from a box).

It’s happening, kids. Play time and funny podcast scenarios are over. We’re suggesting taking a little prep time now to save yourself some heartache later because you forgot to snag some ammo for your boomstick and find that the only shovel-like object you own is a rubber spatula.

Trust WeirdThings to keep you informed on any more zombie-like activity. Have a safe holiday and watch your face.

You’re welcome.

Bath-Salt Zombie Activity in New York!

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

We’re not out of the woods yet, kids.

‘Bath Salt Zombie’ activity is now being reported in central New York!

Police officers were called to a bar where a visibly disturbed woman lunged at one officer’s face while screaming that she wanted to “kill someone and eat them!”

This lovely lady won a free ride in a well-cushioned van to the local hospital for mental evaluation.

Just a little while later in a not-so-zombie-like, but still bath-salt fueled, incident, 20 year-old Aubrey Vallis had ripped a door off its hinges and was busy punching a car in a driveway when police busted him for criminal mischief.

Anyone else find themselves a little nervous around the bath section of your local drugstore lately?

[Time Herald Record Online]

UK Municipality Creates CHUD Hysteria To Warn Residents About Flushing Diapers

Friday, April 1st, 2011

News  Star | News | Cumbrian  monster created for United Utilities sewers campaign 1

The northwest English town of Cumbria has a mysterious bipedal creature in the sewers. It may or may not be dangerous, but it does bear a resemblance to the infamous CHUD creatures from the 1984 horror film.

Or at least that’s what the local government would like you to believe.

A series of videos were published today showing the creature caught on an automated sewer robot camera. Although the videos themselves are not marked as such, they were apparently created by the local water council. They would like to remind citizens that flushing some items down the toilet can do serious damage to municipal pipes.

Rose Francis, the campaign manager said: “The real monsters lurking in the sewers are the baby wipes, cotton buds and nappies which clog pipes.

“It’s a big issue, as the resulting flooding can cause real distress for households and pollute watercourses.”

And so to do this, the created a completely unbranded cryptid video that will no doubt surface in two years as “absolute proof” of CHUDs in some other town. Crystal clear message.

[News and Star]