The Toast That Launched a Thousand Ships [Weirdest Inventions]

Posted by Brett on June 24th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Sometimes an invention, although weird, is so inspirational, so brilliant, so ingenious that it can no longer be held within the borders of Weirdville and thus is compelled to immigrate into the welcoming arms of neighboring Awesometown. Today, I bring you, the Scan Toaster.

Not only does this fancy little contraption give your bread that golden and crispy crunch that we’ve all come to associate with a well-balanced breakfast but you can actually connect it to your computer via USB and burn in the image of your choice. Or lightly toast in, assuming it has the customary toaster settings that vary from not-even-warmed-up to burnt-beyond-recognition.

Okay, I’ll concede that in everyday life this peculiar product is nearly completely useless but join me, if you will, on a journey outside the box. This may very well be the most powerful creation ever unleashed in the known world. It’s like the goose that laid the golden egg and the atomic bomb all rolled into one little bread-burning package.

Need to keep the kids interested in breakfast? Easy. Burn yourself some Mickey ears on their Wonderbread. Need some extra spending dough? The Virgin Mary’s visage on a piece of toast is ALWAYS good for a few bucks on eBay. Looking to start World War III? Nothing like proclaiming to the New York Times that Mohammad mysteriously showed up on your toast one morning.

Let’s see the iPhone 4 do that.

What am I missing? How would you put this phenomenal piece of technology to the best use? Also, what other Weird Inventions are out there that can top this one? Also, Tomorrow is already Friday! Better start thinking about how the Scan Toaster measures up against, Baby’s First Ball Gag, Military Vuvuzelas and Solar Powered Bras

  • http://twitter.com/Cadmian Michael Hogan

    How the hell am I supposed to compete with toast? To beat something like that I would have to show something really weird…. and it would need to be German. Not just German, but Nazi German.

    Now where would I find something crazy that the Nazis created that has not been seen by everyone.

    I mean its not like they they created some kinda of crazy ball tank of death that was captured by the Russians in 1945. Now if only they made it and gave it a silly name….maybe something like the Kugepanzer or something.

    oh, wait

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kugelpanzer

  • a.

    this is pretty awesome!

    what is weird is that in the picture up there there's toast with a couple of bell pepper slices, and some substance that I'm guess is either cream cheese or sour cream.
    how is that supposed to be tasty. how.

  • http://www.amtrekker.com Brett Rounsaville

    Excellent observation. That's a bonus weird point for sure.

  • http://www.amtrekker.com Brett Rounsaville

    Wow. Well done Michael. But I gotta be honest, that's practically cheating going to the nazi/german/military well. ;)

  • David

    I think white toast itself is a bit strange.

    Why would we harvest the wheat seeds, grind them up into powder, then refine them to take most of the goodness out of them, mash them up with fungus (yeast) then try to set fire to it with an electice grill, before eating it after trying to turn it brown again as it was originally, when, as I can testify, having been a farm labourer in England once, you can just pick the seeds off the ripe wheat plant and eat them on their own. They are delicious, uncooked, though you need strong teeth and jaws (and you fart more at night).

    PS Who on earth puts peppers on their toast – here in England we normally put butter and marmalade (orange jam) or peanut butter, or Marmite – the black tarry residue from the beer brewing industry.

  • http://www.amtrekker.com Brett Rounsaville

    You had some pretty sound logic on your side until you went with “black tarry residue” on toast not being weird. Cause, dude, that's weird. :)

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