Baby’s First Ball Gag? [Weirdest Inventions]

Posted by Brett on June 23rd, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Are you one of those people who, when confronted with a crying baby during a long flight, all you can think about is how incredibly satisfying it would be to strap a ball gag to it’s face and shove it into the nearest overhead compartment? (Me neither. And for the record, if you are…please don’t have children…) Then today is your lucky day.

It seems, every once in a while that rare individual comes along who not only has never had children, but only appears to know of their existence at all through second hand stories AND prides themselves in their self-titled position of “inventor.” Only that man (let’s call him Crazy Jim) could create, The Strap-On Pacifier.

I can only assume Crazy Jim created this particular product with hordes of armless screaming babies belonging to negligent parents in mind. (Wow, now that I type that out it kind of sounds like it would make an incredible B movie, right? Coming to a theater near you, Summer 2011: The Armless Screamers! “This summer, just because they’re armless does not mean they are harmless. WAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cue blood shooting out of ears and bursting crystal glasses.)

Seriously, I respect that babies spitting out their pacifiers is an actual issue but is their any chance that strapping said pacifiers to tiny little still-developing ears is a good idea? I hope Crazy Jim plans to sell them in conjunction with “safety tape.” (I’m picturing duct tape but with cute little piggies and sheep printed on it to use for swaddling your kid-let so they don’t rip their own ears off while trying to take the pacifier out to say their first words.)

Am I wrong here? Should you treat your baby like Tarantino’s Gimp? What are your thoughts? Most importantly, are there even WEIRDER baby/child related inventions out there? Share in the fun right down there in the comments!

  • http://twitter.com/Cadmian Michael Hogan

    I do not know any weird baby/child inventions but I do know of some modern military ones. Big Dog, made by Boston Dynamics, is basically a giant robotic pack animal that is really good at carrying a lot of things and not falling over. You can even kick it and it will not fall over.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1czBcnX1Ww

    I know this was a pretty big one that was most likely show on this site before so I will show you something even weirder.

    So lets say that you were french in world war two and you happened to have a 75mm cannon but nothing to put it on. You look around and see the only thing that could possible work with it. A vespa. You know, that scooter thing that some people decide to ride because they think motorcycles are dangerous but still like the thrill.

    Being the mad scientists that the french are they decided to just combine the cannon with the scooter.

    http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2006/12/mystery…

  • http://weirdthings.com/2010/06/the-toast-that-launched-a-thousand-ships-weirdest-inventions/ Weird Things » Blog Archive » The Toast That Launched a Thousand Ships [Weirdest Inventions]

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  • http://www.amtrekker.com Brett Rounsaville

    Awesome. I've seen both of those before but doubt everyone else has! I'm always disappointed the pictures of the Scooter Canon never have some douchey soldier riding on it pretending he's…um…hung like a…er…canon. :)

    Thanks, Michael!

  • a.

    “Should you treat your baby like Tarantino’s Gimp? “

    No.

  • http://www.amtrekker.com Brett Rounsaville

    Good to know.

  • http://www.suitusa.com/tools.aspx?id=106 Man Suits

    nice to know this but i find it really weird.

  • http://medelabreastpumpreview.net/ Amy – Medela Breast Pump Blog

    What a disgrace to parenting! The people who proposed this patent should be be castrated so they can never torture children with this device. Seriously – what next? A baby electric chair?

  • Alexis Pintado

    omg ii think that isss sooo sad every baby needs to cry thats what they do their young they dnt know ant better and crying is good for them it makes their lungs stronger thats sad if a parent uses this …………….. :/

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    I reckon its the best blog comment system.

  • http://www.moldtestingservice.com/ Mold and Mildew Removal

    Great ideas! I was just looking for something more interesting

  • http://www.bes.co.uk plumbing

     That is very weird. I think crying is not bad and i don’t like controlling babies emotions.  

  • Generic Viagra

    It is very strange. I think you mourn is not bad and they do not control their children’s emotions.