Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Sometimes an invention, although weird, is so inspirational, so brilliant, so ingenious that it can no longer be held within the borders of Weirdville and thus is compelled to immigrate into the welcoming arms of neighboring Awesometown. Today, I bring you, the Scan Toaster.

Not only does this fancy little contraption give your bread that golden and crispy crunch that we’ve all come to associate with a well-balanced breakfast but you can actually connect it to your computer via USB and burn in the image of your choice. Or lightly toast in, assuming it has the customary toaster settings that vary from not-even-warmed-up to burnt-beyond-recognition.

Okay, I’ll concede that in everyday life this peculiar product is nearly completely useless but join me, if you will, on a journey outside the box. This may very well be the most powerful creation ever unleashed in the known world. It’s like the goose that laid the golden egg and the atomic bomb all rolled into one little bread-burning package.

Need to keep the kids interested in breakfast? Easy. Burn yourself some Mickey ears on their Wonderbread. Need some extra spending dough? The Virgin Mary’s visage on a piece of toast is ALWAYS good for a few bucks on eBay. Looking to start World War III? Nothing like proclaiming to the New York Times that Mohammad mysteriously showed up on your toast one morning.

Let’s see the iPhone 4 do that.

What am I missing? How would you put this phenomenal piece of technology to the best use? Also, what other Weird Inventions are out there that can top this one? Also, Tomorrow is already Friday! Better start thinking about how the Scan Toaster measures up against, Baby’s First Ball Gag, Military Vuvuzelas and Solar Powered Bras…

Japanese monitor maker Eizo released a pin-up calendar of provocative x-ray images. The company says they used computer graphics instead of real models.

Earlier this week Weird Things hipped you to a new jet pack that is set to go on sale. Now we are proud to inform you that the dream we’ve all had since seeing our first episode of The Jetsons is set to take flight.

The FAA has created an exception to help Terrafugia’s ‘flying car’ get off the ground. The company was having trouble making the prototype vehicle safe while staying within the weight limits for for a Light Sports Aircraft. This means it will most likely be available for consumers by late 2011. Expect new laws to ban texting-while-flying by 2012.

Drivers/Pilots can travel up to 450 miles in the air and enjoy 30 miles per gallon on the ground. No word on pricing, but you should probably start arranging that third mortgage right now to beat the rush.

New, real-time brain scan accurately predicted 2/3rds of study respondents would make a decision even if they told the administrator they would do the opposite. Could revolutionize advertising, education and determining if bartender at Chilis is flirting with you because she likes you or if she’s just looking for a bigger tip.

[Reuters]

I believe that children are the future, give them pictures of Mars and let them find the caves.

A heretofore unidentified Martian cave opening was found by a group of 7th graders. It was completely unrecorded by our official geological survey of the Red Planet.

the students examined more than 200 images of Mars taken with the Thermal Emission Imaging System (Themis), an instrument on NASA’s Mars Odyssey orbiter.

Using that camera, the students focused on the area around the planet’s Pavonis Mons volcano. The only other similar opening near the volcano was found in 2007, when Glen Cushing, a scientist with the U.S. Geological Survey, published a research paper on the surface anomalies.

“This pit is certainly new to us,” Cushing told the students, according to a release from the university. He estimated the opening to be 620 feet by 520 feet and the hole to be at least 380 feet deep.

Yeah… but let’s see them buy a pack of cigarettes!

[CNET]

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Are you one of those people who, when confronted with a crying baby during a long flight, all you can think about is how incredibly satisfying it would be to strap a ball gag to it’s face and shove it into the nearest overhead compartment? (Me neither. And for the record, if you are…please don’t have children…) Then today is your lucky day.

It seems, every once in a while that rare individual comes along who not only has never had children, but only appears to know of their existence at all through second hand stories AND prides themselves in their self-titled position of “inventor.” Only that man (let’s call him Crazy Jim) could create, The Strap-On Pacifier.

I can only assume Crazy Jim created this particular product with hordes of armless screaming babies belonging to negligent parents in mind. (Wow, now that I type that out it kind of sounds like it would make an incredible B movie, right? Coming to a theater near you, Summer 2011: The Armless Screamers! “This summer, just because they’re armless does not mean they are harmless. WAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cue blood shooting out of ears and bursting crystal glasses.)

Seriously, I respect that babies spitting out their pacifiers is an actual issue but is their any chance that strapping said pacifiers to tiny little still-developing ears is a good idea? I hope Crazy Jim plans to sell them in conjunction with “safety tape.” (I’m picturing duct tape but with cute little piggies and sheep printed on it to use for swaddling your kid-let so they don’t rip their own ears off while trying to take the pacifier out to say their first words.)

Am I wrong here? Should you treat your baby like Tarantino’s Gimp? What are your thoughts? Most importantly, are there even WEIRDER baby/child related inventions out there? Share in the fun right down there in the comments!

In a scene right out of The Wizard of Oz a dog survived a 20-mile flight through the air.

Strong winds in Gesztered, Hungary lifted the dog, who was seeking shelter from the storm in his dog house, high into the air. When the newly-renamed ‘Lucky’ was found by the combined efforts of the Red Cross and it’s owner it was shaken but otherwise unharmed.

Was this an accident with a happy ending, or are dogs just now catching up to the Wright Brothers?

[Digital Spy]

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

A topic like this, sometimes you owe it to the world to pay lip service to the big clichés. Case in point, I think we can all agree that if there’s one group of people we know we can count on to come up with one of the weirdest inventions we’ve ever seen…oh yeah…okay…I forgot already…it’s the Japanese. BUT, if there are TWO groups of people then the second one is DEFINITELY the military!

Have you seen this contraption? I thought I had. Knowing that it came from the breeding ground of weird that is the military-industrial complex, I was pretty sure it was the lecherous King of the Isle of Jazz’s artillery, until I remembered my Dad had assured me at some point that cartoons aren’t real. (Heartbreaking.)

Back to square one. Turns out this thing isn’t designed to go to battle with the Land of Symphony, it’s supposed to be a little like a giant tinhorn. You know, those metal horns old people stick in their ears to hear better in cartoons. (Hmm…somehow it already came back to cartoons.) Except this particular phalanx of inverse instruments is meant to alert the old man on the other end to incoming enemy aircraft. (At which point SOP states he must shake his cane, mumble unintelligibly for 10-20 seconds, then suddenly shout, “…OR I’LL SHOVE THIS WALKIN’ STICK UP YOUR @$$!!!)

Unfortunately, I’m not sure how well this fancy little listening device worked. Can anyone tell me what country those soldiers in the foreground are from? If it’s Germany, Hungary, Bulgaria, or the Ottoman Empire my guess would be, “not as well as they had hoped.”

Regardless, eventually the old men were replaced with radar operators…

Military history is rife with weird inventions. See if you can’t find me a few more that out weird this one. I dare you.

When our loved ones pass away we are often told that they will always be with us. Kim Mordue of Wales took that comforting advice a little too literally.

When her son passed away from a drug overdose, Mordue memorialized him in a most unusual fashion. She mixed the deceased’s ashes in with tattoo ink and had her husband give her a memorial tattoo with the mixture.

“I’ve put Lloyd back where he started,” she says, “he’s in my body again.”

This isn’t the first unusually artistic (and creepy) use of ashes in recent history.  When former Marvel Comics editor Mark Gruenwald passed away in 1997 his final wishes were that his ashes be used for a limited-edition print run of Squadron Supreme, a comic he wrote in the 80’s.

Do you know any weirder ways people have used the ashes of the dead? Let us know in the comments!

[UPI]

It’s either that or we’ve begun principal photography on the long-awaited Ghost Busters spin off Slimer Goes To Space.

[Daily Mail via NASA]

German explorer Leo Frobenius came to West Africa and made a startling discovery. Gorgeous statues cast in exquisite bronze. So intricate, so beautiful, they so could not be the work of the locals. No, of course not. They simply had to be the handiwork of the lost city of Atlantis. Finally! Proof had washed upon the shores of modernity!

Or not. Turns out the statues were, in fact, created by the locals. Oops.

In his book, Voice of Africa, Frobenius wrote: “Before us stood a head of marvellous beauty, wonderfully cast in antique bronze, true to the life, incrusted with a patina of glorious dark green. This was, in very deed, the Olokun, Atlantic Africa’s Poseidon.”

“I was moved to silent melancholy at the thought that this assembly of degenerate and feeble-minded posterity should be the legitimate guardians of so much loveliness,” he added.

Frobenius was referring to the people who lived in the Kingdom of Ife and whose artists, in fact, created the sculptures over the course of some four centuries. Leading art experts believe they are among the most aesthetically striking and technically sophisticated in the world.

The sculptures are now on display at the Museum of London, after which they come to the United States.

[CNN]

UPDATED: with test footage thanks to @LHymas on Twitter.

Aw hell yeah.

The Jetpack achieves with 30 minutes of flight time and is fueled by regular premium gasoline, though you will undoubtedly earn some disbelieving stares at the petrol station. Since it has been built according to ultralight regulations no FAA recognized pilot’s license is required to fly one in the U.S., though this will depend on a country’s specific requirements. However, despite being significantly less complex than a helicopter to fly as pitch and roll are controlled by one hand, thrust and yaw by the other, Martin Aircraft won’t let anyone take receipt of their jetpack before completing their specially-developed Martin Aircraft Company approved training program. The pilot must also weigh between 140-240 lbs.

It’ll cost you about 90k to get into the jet pack lifestyle and a waiting list has already formed.

[Business Week]

[Actual Test Footage Of Jet Pack!]

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

A topic like this, sometimes you owe it to the world to pay lip service to the big clichés. Case in point, I think we can all agree that if there’s one group of people we know we can count on to come up with one of the weirdest inventions we’ve ever seen…it’s the Japanese.

So now, the problem becomes, where do we start? Which Japanese invention will hold today’s place of honor firmly in position while adding the necessary support to present it in the best possible light? Which Japanese invention will simultaneously lift the bar and separate itself from the pack? Which Japanese invention will allow for the most gratuitous use of thinly veiled innuendo?

I bring you…The Solar Powered Bra! (I can’t help but feel this is the perfect time for Thus Spake Zarathustra to reach its crescendo.)

I’m not even sure what I love most about this. Is it the beverage holding pouch attached to either… er… chest… piece…? Is it the extra-literal use of the term “green?” The scrolling LED billboard?

Ultimately, I think I’m just happy that women are finally being released from the shackles of having to plug their cell phones into a wall to charge while they sleep. Every. Single. Night. How daunting.

Finally, they have the freedom to charge their electronics as they go about their business in the work-a-day world! Provided it’s sunny out. And they aren’t wearing any clothes…

Also, please don’t wear this current coursing corset out and about on a rainy day. Or wash it. Or…I better stop now.

What do you think? Weird enough for you? If you’re a girl, can you imagine wearing one of these? If you’re a dude, can you imagine wearing one of these? Can you do weirder? Impress me, Team. Let me hear your thoughts.

New archeological evidence proves that the China’s Western Zhou dynasty dabbled in human sacrifice roughly 2,700 years ago.

“In general, there’s been a tendency to describe Western Zhou as a more humanistic period, when the practice of human sacrifices”—which were commonplace during the preceding Shang Dynasty—”were waning,” Sena said.

“But I think the archaeological evidence shows quite clearly that human sacrifices persisted throughout the Zhou period as well.”

So now we know.

[National Geographic]

Just because cats are trying to take control of our brains doesn’t mean they need them. In this eerie footage we see a cat achieve 3 different gait patterns with NO BRAIN AT ALL! Scientists turned off the cats brain to study how much of an animal’s movement is controlled by thought and how much is simply a mechanical mechanism.

As if we needed another reason to fear cats…