Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

If the playground taught us anything it’s that everyone needs someone to make fun of, if for no other reason than to feel good about themselves. That holds true even if your name happens to be Arkansas. Who does Arkansas crack wise about while hanging out near the monkey bars, pointing and laughing? Mississippi.

And, although both weird and awesome, today’s survival story sure as heckfire isn’t doing Mississippi any favors on the playground. I can hear the taunts now as Arkansas and Alabama high-five each other and look to New York and California for approval (who, of course, are too busy hitting on Indiana and Illinois to be bothered with southern shenanigans).

“HAHA! Mississippi don’t even use theys brains! We’d be deaderenadoornail if we was shot in the head! Right? *high-five*”

You guessed it. Today we’re talking about a good ol’ fashioned brain shootin’, right in Jimmy Hart’s hometown.

Tammy Sexton was asleep in bed, comfortable in the knowledge that she was safe and sound and that the restraining order against her abusive husband was as good as a George Zimmer guarantee that she would stay that way; when suddenly, much like a cheap suit, he was all over her.

After shooting Tammy once in the head, her husband, Donald Sexton, with a striking amount of foresight regarding the cleaning bills, then went outside and did the same to himself. Little did he know, not everything went according to plan.

When the police arrived sometime later they found Tammy with a rag to her head and an offering of a hot cup of tea. Which she had made. By herself. Alone. After being shot in the brain.

Turns out Donald’s bullet went straight through her skull making a clean exit and somehow only taking “bonus” bits of brain with it. You know, that part of your brain that’s just there for…um…decoration? Seriously. Not only did she make a full and complete recovery but she can still remember how to ride a bike and what the color yellow smells like. (I may or may not have made that last line up…)

That’s it. You’ve heard the five Weirdest Survival Stories ever told. How would you rank them? We have:

1. Wenseslao Moguel, shot TEN times by a firing squad (but not in the brain)

2. Ming Ming, the big eared chinese kid whose life was saved by his lobes

3. Miracle Mike, the headless chicken

4. Tillie Tooter the tough as nails old lady trapped in a upside-down car, and

5. Tammy “Extra Brain” Sexton.

Be loud and be proud, gang. I want to hear your opinions on this.

Check out this weird shape-shifting UFO caught on camera in earlier this month in Yokohama, Japan. It changes from saucer to sphere and back again. And you have to hand it to the cameraman for keeping such a tight shot on it.

UFO, or SFX Senior Project? Let us know what you think in the comments.

We have more footage of what can only be described as a tense stand off between one mountain man and a predatory Sasquatch. We talked about Tim Peeler in the most recent WeirdThingsTV but another local news station covered the battle and even advanced the story, revealing the technology Peeler plans on using to snap a picture of the beast.

Come back to WeirdThings for continued coverage of Tar Heel Bigfoot Watch…

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’m going to get a little personal today.

You see, I work from home an awful lot and sometimes when I’m busy I tend to forgo other important tasks…like eating. It’s not that unusual for me to take my first meal around 5pm.

Why 5pm?

Because that’s about the time when, no matter how focused I am, my body starts to turn inward on itself, screaming for sustenance and threatening to begin digesting my stomach lining as punishment for my gastronomical indiscretions. It’s the time when, completely without permission from my brain, my stomach orders my hand to start dialing for pizza. It’s the time when the spasms start and I end up in the fetal position begging my non-existent intern to bring me a sandwich.

5pm.

Tillie Tooter, an 83-year-old woman survived being trapped in her car with only a cough drop, a peppermint and a stick of chewing gum as rations for THREE DAYS. There are a few items here that I feel are worth reiterating.

1. 83.

2. Cough drop, peppermint, stick of gum.

3. THREE DAYS.

4. Upside-down in a tree. (Did I not mention that part?)

Thanks to a hit and run while traveling on the freeway at three in the morning Tillie’s car was pushed off of a raised freeway in South Florida landing 40 feet below in the clutches of a mangrove tree. She dangled above the swamp for three days before a passing landscaper noticed her Toyota Tercel. (Possibly the most disappointing fact of the story. Shouldn’t some little old lady who’s tough enough to survive stuck in a tree for three days be driving a Hummer or something? At least a Suburu, right?!)

In addition to her, ahem…food, (which, let’s be honest here, is probably just the stuff she’d been keeping in her purse since 1983 to punish any grandkids who whine about wanting a snack.) she collected rainwater in her quilted steering wheel cover and a pair of socks she hung the window.

Also worth mentioning, she had no internet service in the tree and I could find no information either confirming or denying whether she was the daughter of Wenseslao Moguel, mother of Ming Ming and/or owner of Mike the Headless Chicken.

Do you know any old ladies that could take Tillie in a bare knuckled brawl? How does her story stack up against the rest of this week’s weird survival stories? Seriously, a Tercel?!

All the best tech comes from Sci Fi and comic books, fact.

The United States Army has ordered a huge hybrid airship longer than a football field to watch over battlefields in Afghanistan by the end of 2011, according to the airship’s builder Northrop Grumman Corporation.

The company has received a $517 million Army contract to build up to three of the huge military airships, called the Long Endurance Multi-Intelligence Vehicles (LEMV). Such airships would serve as surveillance stations at 20,000 feet (6,096 meters) above sea level and could stay on watch for as long as three weeks at a time.

A LEMV would also have the capability to carry a 2,500-pound (1,113 kg) payload, and still zip along at 92 mph (148 kph) if necessary. The 302-foot (92-meter) airship would typically have a cruising speed of just 34 mph (54.7 kph).

How else are we supposed to launch our Howling Commandos from an airborne position?

[SPACE]

You’re on a boat (in the T-Painian milieu) off the coast of Fort Lauderdale. All of a sudden a random periscope pops up and looks you right in the face. You look back.

It recedes in the water. But no one will own up to owning the sub or being there when you saw it. Secret military mission? Gaudy millionaire hunting pirates? Psychedelic party submersible?

[Sun-Sentinel]

Aspiring Jedis the world over are rejoicing with the release of the new Spyder III Pro Artic Laser which is billed by the maker (WikedLasers.com) as “the most dangerous laser ever created.”

Obviously modeled on the Skywalker Family’s favorite accessory, the laser produces an “ultra high power 1W beam” that is 1,000 times more powerful than the sun. It can instantly blind anyone within 700 feet after powering on for a 1/4 second and can easily cause skin burns as well as cancer. Even staring at the dot it produces when shined on a wall can cause permanent retinal damage.

This laser is every Star Wars fan’s dream come true, but it is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND POTENTIALLY DEADLY. So please please please don’t buy it.

Here’s where you can buy it.

[Sky News]

Everyday this week… Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

As I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off the other day, scrambling to find a great/weird survival story, I had an epiphany. In hindsight it’s a blaringly obvious epiphany…but an epiphany nonetheless!

For simplicity’s sake we’ll call this epiphany, Mike.

Once upon a time in September of 1945 Lloyd Olsen decided he was having chicken for dinner. Axe in hand he grabbed a struggling Wyandotte chicken named, Mike (Coincidence? No. No it’s not.) and, much like the mighty Casey, the air was shattered by the force of Lloyd’s blow…the chicken however, not so much.

Lloyd managed to miss the carotid artery and a fair chunk of the brain stem despite lopping off the better part of Mike’s head. The result?

EIGHTEEN MORE MONTHS OF LIFE FOR MIRACLE MIKE. And as we learned from our pal, Wenny the other day, not dying is worth its weight in gold. The Olsen’s began touring with Mike raking in up to $4500 a month via sideshows and fairs. But wait, that’s in mythological 1945 dollars. How much is that in REAL money, you ask?

$53073.16!

Sadly, in 1947, Miracle Mike choked to death in his swank hotel room like so many other rising stars who burn too bright. But forget dear Mike not, friends and readers! Instead, honor his memory by playing “Pin the Head on the Chicken” or entering the “5k Run Like a Headless Chicken Race” at the annual Fruita, Colorado “Mike the Headless Chicken Day” held the third weekend of every May!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find my axe and some practice chickens in the hopes of paying my rent on time this month…

Ever seen an actual chicken actually running around with its actual head chopped off? Will this beat Wenseslao or Ming Ming’s stories in the Weird Off? What else have you got for me?

“Why do I need to buy windshield wiper fluid?” wheezed the Cheapest Man in the World. “I’m just going to shoot it out on the street!”

As it turns out, those who try and use tap water to clean the bug incrusted looking glass are likely poisoning themselves with Legionnaries’ Disease.

If you use standard tap water in your windshield washer fluid reservoir instead of a cleaner, you may have effectively turned your vehicle into a biological weapon. Sure, that sounds cool and all, but according to BBC News, the only person you’re going to be hurting is yourself. As it turns out, using plain water can cause the washer fluid system to become a breeding ground for Legionella bacterium – the same nastiness that causes Legionaires’ Disease and pneumonia. Spray your windshield and the bacteria becomes airborne, allowing it to easily enter your lungs and wreak havoc with your immune system.

Don’t be such a cheapskate. Buy the fluid. Save on antibiotics.

[BBC via Autoblog]

Beautiful hair…

[CNN]

In the 1940’s the archetype of The Mad Scientist was prevalent in all media from movie serials to comic books. Most people didn’t think such characters actually existed, but they instilled fear in the audience who were afraid of science after the advent of the atomic bomb.

Little did they know that over in communist Russia Mad Scientists were hard at work on a freaky Frankenstein-lite experiment.  By hooking the severed head of a dog up to a blood pump the head re-animates and reacts to stimuli.

Uber-creepy, but it does suggest that the Jar Heads featured in Futurama might just exist some day.

Everyday this week… Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

What happens nine months after that stick bug from Disney/Pixar’s Bug’s Life and Dumbo get a little frisky one night at a Disney holiday party?

You get Ming Ming. The six-year-old Chinese boy was left alone sleeping in his apartment while his grandfather ran an “errand.” (I’m going to avoid making an opium den joke here.) Unfortunately, the poor kid woke up, freaked out and started wandering the apartment screaming for granddad. With no sign of him inside he wandered out onto the safety grate outside the window where the skinny little rascal promptly fell between two bars 8-stories to his certain death.

This is one of those moments where, if this were a movie, the camera would tilt downward following the trajectory of his death dive only to realize that halfway down he somehow wasn’t in frame anymore, and when the camera quickly tilts back up we’d all be met with the image of a screaming six-year-old boy hanging 80 feet in the air by…his ears.

Yes. His ears. (See, now the stick bug/Dumbo line doesn’t seem so silly after all, does it?)

Eventually firemen were able to force the bars apart and pull the little boy back into the apartment without either dropping him to his death or suffocating him.

No word on whether or not he still had the magic feather in his possession.

Your thoughts? I guess if you had to be dangling 8 stories off the ground by a body part it could be worse, right? Any thoughts on jokes I may have left out? Do you have a better survival story you’ve found lurking around the internets?

Well now…

The “King of Kings” statue, one of southwest Ohio’s most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Church along Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati.

The lightning strike set the statue ablaze around 11:15 p.m., Monroe police dispatchers said.

The sculpture, 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were raised, similar to a referee signaling a touchdown. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained early Tuesday.

After the blaze erupted, first respondents included local fire and police officers, as well as officials from the Department of Irony and Metaphorical Symbolism.

[MSNBC]

Six men have sequestered themselves in a Russian Bunker for a 520-day experiment to study how a mission to Mars would effect astronauts.

The experiment will simulate the isolation of space travel and offer limited access to the outside world. Much like an actual space mission the scientists will only be able to communicate with “Mission Control” when they need assistance. Unlike an actual space mission the researchers will also be participating in simulated Inter-planetary chess with chess master Anatoly Karpov.

Participants can end the study at any time by simply walking out, which is a bit of a cop out. If nobody leaves please join us back here in about a year for our follow-up story: “Russian Researchers Bugger, Eat Each Other.”

[NPR]