It Has Begun! Yetis Fighting “War” With Bears In Russia!

Posted by Justin on October 12th, 2010

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You are not ready for this, the coolest battle between animals in the history of recorded civilization. Due to forest fires, Yetis have unnaturally migrated to a new area of Russia. The problem? Local bears haven’t taken to kindly to their new neighbors and a full scale GD war has broken out!

This year’s expedition to Mountain Shoria is already the third. One of its participants, the director of the International Center for Hominology Igor Burtsev assures that yetis leave traces of their stay in the taiga and fight with local bears.

“They make strange pyramidal constructions of trunks and branches in the wood – sometimes 3 or 4 meters, sometimes only 30 cm high. Sometimes they bend huge trees and twist their trunks like wheels. A human being is just not strong enough for that, and there seems to be no need for bears to do this. At first, we thought that yetis do this to make shelters, but then we came to the conclusion that this is a sort of landmark for them. Or, maybe, this is a way for a yeti to say something to its congeners.”

Hardest part about sussing out the truth in this front line story? Many local farmers have been confusing Yetis for Wood Goblins. This quote is too good not to re-quote. Prepare yourself…

“Folk beliefs say that the wood goblin is the master of the woods. All animals, even bears, submit to him. The wood goblin has a strong hypnotic power, thus he is not afraid of any animal.”

I am so moving to Russia.

[Voice of Russia]

  • http://ebonnebula.deviantart.com/ EbonNebula

    In Soviet Russia, Yeti find you!

  • Anonymous

    I must have heard wrong but I thought someone mentioned that the AP or another wire service picked this story up and ran it. I couldn’t find a mention by searching the AP site. But then, news sites often alter or remove content once they realize that it makes them or their political chums look foolish.

    Did anyone hear anything about this being reported in Western media?

  • Anonymous

    And they really need to turn this yeti/bear war into a sport. Put them in a big colosseum and I would do anything to get to Siberia to see it live. Well maybe anything. If some fake Nazi scientists show up with a syringe and a couple of free tickets to Yeti/Bear Conflagration VIII, plus plane tickets, I might have to mull it over before deciding.