Face it folks, they pay the bills for your favorite entertainment. All they ask is you metaphorically cement your butt to your couch and keep your itchy DVR finger at bay while they explain why you should spend your money with them. But that doesn’t mean things won’t take a strange turn. Which is why today we’re on the hunt for the… Weirdest Commercial in the World!

Here are the ground rules:

• Must be real.

• Must be visual.

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at 5:30 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Our baseline is the Montgomery Flea Market jingle. It’s just like a mini mall.

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5:30 p.m. EST.

To be honest, I’ve never been a book worm. Sure, there is the odd tome or two that’s captured the imagination but rarely are we moved to cozy up and lose myself into a story. I guess I’m just on the hunt for something more. So brush up on the Dewey Decimal System, make some hot cocoa and get ready use your Amazon Prime membership… today we find the Weirdest Book In The World!

Here are the ground rules:

• Must be real.

• Although the contents of the book are important the winner will be determined by how it affected the world around it.

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at 5:30 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Our baseline is Sarah Palin’s new book Going Rogue, simply so no one else can make the joke. Seriously. It’s beneath you.

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5:30 p.m. EST.

Sure, it’s only a week after Halloween and Christmas decorations are already up. Thanksgiving is sulking the corner, softly weeping at the lack of attention. So please, let’s all get together and cheer it up by highlighting the Weirdest Holidays In The World.

Here are the ground rules:

• Must be real.

• Pictures, videos or news reports are encouraged

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at 5:30 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Our baseline is Make Your Own Head Day. Celebrated on November 28th, this artsy diversion gives you an excuse to create a version of your own melon out of any substance you’d like. You can then gift your creation to a friend if only for the double entendre.

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5:30 p.m. EST.

With flu season mounting, handshakes get risky, hugs spell out trouble and kisses become spit-smeared invitations to 103-degree, snot-slathered winter formals hosted by your lungs. Every person you love is looking more and more like a walking biological weapon. Weird Things invites you to take a few minutes to turn up your speakers, sneeze directly into a loved one’s mouth and get down with the sickness…

The Dead Kennedys – “Government Flu”

Known as much for their rabid, conspiracy theory-tinged liberalism as for their surf-infused hardcore punk sound, San Francisco’s Dead Kennedys always managed to stay true to early punk’s affinity for political hyperbole while still remaining witty and fun. Featured on their 1982 album “Plastic Surgery Disasters,” this song is the perfect gift for the H1N1 conspiracy nut in your life.

Radiohead – “Myxomatosis”

Whether you think Radiohead is overhyped or just-the-right-amount hyped, it’s hard to deny the substantial impact that these dour, tree-hugging Brits have had on the contemporary music scene. “Myxomatosis,” from 2003’s barely “OOOH SNAP!”-worthy-titled “Hail to the Thief,” infuses a deep synth groove with lyrics about the titular rabbit-killing infection. Ten bucks says the rabbit represents Mother Earth.

Ween –“Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)”

This bizarre and chilling track from 1994’s “Chocolate and Cheese” proves that the worst lullabies for children are also the best masturbatory aids for serial killers. And before you say it, I know I could’ve chosen the resplendent and beloved “The HIV Song.” Or the trippy instrumental “Pink Eye on my Knee.” Thank god this playlist’s theme wasn’t Recreational Pharmacology, or I’d be paring down Ween options for weeks.

Frank Zappa – “Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?”

From experimental jazz to doo-wop to… this, Frank Zappa’s varied and prolific musical career left an indelible mark on American musical history. This mournful lament from his 1979 rock opera “Joe’s Garage: Acts I, II & III” teaches a hard lesson about the meat-grabbing properties of toilet seat-lurking venereal diseases. The more you know…

Jimmie Rodgers – “T.B. Blues”

Consumption never sounded so soulful. Recorded in 1931 by ragtime guitarist and proto-country great Jimmie Rodgers, the “T.B. Blues” provides a melodic outlet for all the country singers who lost their woman, their dog and their truck, and then contracted tuberculosis.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time of year. Halloween has passed and those in need require your kindness. So please, gather what you can and help us donate the Weirdest Canned Foods In The World.

Here are the ground rules:

• Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

• Commercials or ads are encouraged

• Must be real.

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at 5:30 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Our baseline is Reindeer Paté. Nuff said,

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5:30 p.m. EST.

It’s All in Your Heads – Mass Hysteria, Rampant Psychosomaticism and Contagious Hypochondria. Monday, how a town danced themselves to death.

Today: Honey, I Shrunk the Dong – The Todger Inversion Delusion

In the “Seinfeld” episode where a naked, mortified George finds himself in a humiliated tizzy about shrinkage, imagine that, instead of engaging in whiny banter with Jerry, he runs screaming down to the kitchen, hand stretches his penis, mashes a stack of dinner plates on it to keep it extended and then starts to cry and hyperventilate. Cue funky bass riff.

Sufferers of Genital Retraction Syndrome believe that their genitals are rapidly disappearing into their bodies – a situation that they perceive as not only shameful, but also fatal. GRS, a very real fake malady, is a psychological syndrome akin to a panic attack, but one which feeds on sexual guilt, sexual ennui or sexual dissatisfaction. It’s most prevalent in cultures that hyper-moralize sexuality while also using sexual prowess as a barometer for measuring masculinity. As such, its perceived onset is generally viewed by the afflicted as a punishment for either sexual immorality (masturbation, hooker purchases, etc.) or their inability to please a sexual partner. The resultant panic and anxiety, of course, lead to further shrinkage and, as a result, often drive sufferers to employ a variety of household ephemera – shoelaces, chopsticks, fishhooks, kitchen tongs – in rigging up painful ad hoc penile extenders. (In rare cases, GRS affects women, who became convinced that their nipples or vulvae are retracting.)

The whole business of GRS is most common to Asia and Africa, and only became a popular topic of conversation among sniggering anthropologists after a 1967 epidemic in Singapore (where GRS is known as “Koro,” meaning, appropriately, “head of the turtle”) that found thousands of men desperately yanking and tugging themselves into a screaming panic. The mass freakout only ended after the government launched a massive educational campaign to assure dudes that their little soldiers weren’t in danger of going permanently AWOL. What the Singapore epidemic underscores is the tendency to mystify aspects of the human condition, even when they relate to things as concretely rational as biology – these cultures have, and understand, medicine, but in ascribing masculinity and sexuality to a morally policed intangible divinity, the sexual organs come to be

We are still unsure of the exact details on where but on the Weirdest Thing in the World chat today at 5:30 p.m. we are going to announce the official final line-up of celebrity word donors for our big Halloween Houdini Seance.

Other than that we’ll go over some of our weirdest stories of the week and maybe even have a little mini-challenge to find the Weirdest Element of Houdini’s Life.

Got a suggestion or a topic you want us to touch on, email JustinRobertYoung@Gmail.

It all goest down today at 5:30 p.m. EST on the Weirdest Thing In The World live chat. Believe…

Before Houdini’s death, he famously gave his wife a code word. This was to prevent mediums and psychics from coming to her door, breathlessly confirming that they had spoken with Harry after his passing. With the word, she could immediately double check their work by asking if he’d passed along the secret message.

As time passed, the word (“believe”) slipped out. And we can all agree that when Criss Angel uses it as the name of his Vegas spectacular, it’s officially played out.

So for our Houdini Seance, THIS SATURDAY at 9 p.m. EST LIVE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF WEIRDTHINGS.COM, we needed new words. Thankfully, we have some friends to help us out…

Author, speaker and editor of Skeptic Magazine Michael Shermer will help us with a word.

President of the Reason foundation, David Nott has agreed to contribute.

Magicians, BS artists and soon-to-be TV detectives Penn & Teller will EACH give us a word suitable for Harry Houdini himself to divine from beyond the grave.

All of those listed above are sending their words to James Randi who will seal them in envelopes and challenge us to discover their contents with the help of Houdini’s spirit.

But that is not all, expect more announcements today and tomorrow!

This Halloween, The James Randi Educational Foundation and WeirdThings.com present a never-before-attempted experiment. In front of a live internet audience, a group of prominent skeptics and magicians will try to make contact with the spirit of Harry Houdini, the world’s most famous magician and challenger of the supernatural.

What makes this attempt unique is that it’s being conducted by skeptics and magicians in the hopes that if contact from beyond the grave is possible, Houdini would prefer to make it with skeptics and magicians like himself.

World famous magician and skeptic James Randi will oversee the seance and will help supervise the attempt to communicate.

The seance will be conducted by magician and publisher of WeirdThings.com Andrew Mayne, WeirdThings.com editor-in-chief Justin Robert Young and magician and Scam School star Brian Brushwood.

The seance will consist of several tests for attempted communication. Words and images provided by prominent magicians and skeptics and held by James Randi will be attempted to be divined through various supernatural means including Ouija boards, automatic writing and spirit photography.

Rehearsals for the event will be held on Friday October 30th at 1 PM and Saturday at 2 PM at the Isaac Asimov Memorial Library. For press access contact Justin at 954-892-5665

Contact information

WeirdThings.com:

Andrew Mayne:Phone: (323) 743-3466 Email: andrew@andrewmayne.com

Justin Robert Young:Phone: (954) 892-5665 Email: JustinRobertYoung@gmail.com

James Randi and a spokesperson for the James Randi Educational Foundation are available for interview upon request.
954-467-1112 Email: Brandon@Randi.org

We regret to inform you that we are shelving the Weirdest Thing in the World live chat today. Justin Robert Young’s voice is currently listed as “day to day.” Next week, we will do a double special edition of the chat as the big lead in for our Houdini Seance on Halloween.

Sing it, Rueben.

You know what would brighten up your life? Your own PT Barnum style FeeJee Mermaid!

This lovely lass is on sale via eBay with the bidding beginning at the low price of $399.99. After all, we are into the holiday season…

Thanks to Weird Thing reader Adam for the tip.

Today’s Weird Things chat is designed to punish, persuade and persecute. Tighten the straps and ratchet it up to 11, we’re looking for the Weirdest Torture Device In The World.

Here are the ground rules:

• Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

• Stories of their use are encouraged.

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at THE SPECIAL TIME OF 5 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Our baseline was found by the hardest working live chat producer in the GD business and is an old favorite, The Rack. Take it away blockquote…

The rack is commonly considered the most painful form of medieval torture. It was a wooden frame usually above ground with two ropes fixed to the bottom and another two tied to a handle in the top.

The torturer turned the handle causing the ropes to pull the victim’s arms. Eventually, the victim’s bones were dislocated with a loud crack. If the torturer kept turning the handles, some of the limbs were torn apart, usually the arms.
.

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5 p.m. EST.

Someday, all the deceased extras that played ooky revenants in “Night of the Living Dead” will ungrave for real and you’ll be subjected to blog post after blog post comparing pictures of the actors’ actual shambling undead remains to screenshots of them in zombie make-up. Until then, here’s something to fill the space. (Your hellish zombie apocalypse will be Weird Things’ tacky media renaissance.)

Be Your Own Pet – “Zombie Graveyard Party!”

Known for referencing elementary school apocrypha like Creepy Crawlers and Super Soakers, defunct indie punk outfit Be Your Own Pet could always be counted on for catchy, energetic pop songs that successfully walked the line between twee irony and hyperactive sass. This song from 2008’s “Get Awkward” bemoans the lameness of love while endorsing two kid-tested, Fulci-approved alternatives – brain eating and graveyard partying.

Harry Belafonte – “Zombie Jamboree (Back to Back)”

Written by the otherwise-unknown Conrad Eugene Mauge Jr., this modern calypso standard is the rum-drenched, Caribbean foil to “Zombie Graveyard Party!”’s undead suburban kegger. This version is notable for being the only recording of the song approved by the AMA for testing cadaver booty response.

Jonathan Coulton – “Re: Your Brains”

With songs featured everywhere from Popular Science to John Hodgman audiobooks, Coulton is an unstoppable force of sheer melodic nerdiness. Presented as a memo and steeped in the buzz word-laden idiom of corporate bureaucracy, his tribute to the undead equates a mindless legion of walking corpses to impotent capitalist drones and their empty, abbreviated business vernacular. But, like, in a funny way.

Sufjan Stevens – “They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back from the Dead!! Ahhhh!”

The music on Stevens’ undeniably wonderful, but relentlessly hyped, album “Illinois” ranges from cartoonish to macabre. This spookier, word-count-devastating track is less concerned with actual zombies than with the stumbling, ghoulish remains of a once-vital American landscape and its assimilation into modern homogeneity. It’s also still fairly concerned with actual zombies.

Fela Kuti & Africa ‘70 – “Zombie”

Political activist and pioneer of the afrobeat movement, Fela Kuti often used the latter descriptor to fill the responsibilities of the former. His two-song album “Zombie” employed the image of easily manipulated voodoo zombies to deliver a scathing, uncompromisingly funky critique of the Nigerian army. Interestingly, the album’s unofficial sequel, “Mothman,” offered a rump-jiggling screed against voodoo.

Wither the reputation of poor Catherine O’Leary. A muckraking hack thinks it’d make a great read to libel your name by insinuating a cow under your control kicked a lantern, which ignited the surrounding hay, which torched the barn which started the Great Chicago Fire.

These tall tales were eventually revealed to be what they were, fibs told by a fibbing fibber.

So what was the real reason Chi Town burnt down? Meteor showers! At least according to a 2004 report from engineer and physicist Robert R. Wood.

On October 8, 1871, a fire started that burned much of Chicago, killing 300, and destroying $200,000,000 worth of property. Most people are unaware that within a few minutes, major fires started in upstate Wisconsin and Michigan, killing more than 2000 people in the farming country. Because of the poor communications with the upstate areas, the magnitude of the upstate horror was not known for weeks.

Biela’s Comet, with a solar orbital period of 6 years 9 months, had been disturbed by Jupiter on a previous passage and broke into two large comets. It has been hypothesized that one of them struck Earth and broke into several smaller pieces. These pieces, consisting of frozen comet gases would have likely included combustibles like methane CH4 and acetylene C2H2 that melted, vaporized and explosively ignited, causing impressive incendiary results upstate, consistent with surviving witness reports.

Blame that on a cow!

Bloody Mary is the Monster of the Week! Matt Finley explained some of the ghastly woman’s other talents on Monday. Wednesday he explained exactly why you’ve been hoodwinked into calling her out all these years..

With all the varying verbal harpoons fired out into the ether to drag Bloody Mary back into the living world, it’s easy to forget that, though the current urban legend has been disassembled and reconfigured, often to the point of unrecognizability, the first fearful, double-dog-dared invocations of Bloody Mary were spoken with Mary I of England in mind.

Mary I (not to be confused with Queen Mary of the Scots, who is often wrongly identified as the crotchety mirror-dwelling apparition) was the only child of Henry VIII’s first wife, Catharine of Aragorn, to survive into adulthood. Despite being unfavored and disregarded by her family, she received the crown in 1553 after her half-brother Edward died of tuberculosis. Bloody Mary went on to earn her macabre epithet when, after officially restoring Roman Catholicism to Great Britain, she began rounding up Protestant leaders and burning them at the stake, igniting a flurry of religious riots and violence. The most enduring modern connection to the story is any variant of the game in which summoners must speak the words, “Bloody Mary, I killed your child”- Mary I became so obsessed with producing a male heir that she endured two phantom pregnancies, during which she firmly believed she was carrying a child that was then somehow miscarried or aborted.

Generalizing for purposes of brevity, the origins of Bloody Mary as a Protestant horror story belie the deeper history of both a uniquely Protestant fascination with the occult and a trend of propagandized anti-Catholic gothic literature. Unlike most 16th century Catholics, whose faith was entrenched in dogma, hierarchy, tradition and ritual, many Protestants, especially in Ireland, believed in ghosts and superstitiously permitted the occult to fill in certain gaps that existed in the post-enlightenment thought that Protestantism so thoroughly embraced. Beyond assigning Mary I her now-infamous soubriquet (despite the fact that, in reality, the queen didn’t execute any more people than her Protestant father), the Protestants were later known for distributing pulp novellas that portrayed convents as dark caverns of orgiastic chaos with priests travelling through underground tunnels to engage in violent fornication with nuns, yielding innumerable illegitimate children that were then disposed of by horrific means. Given these factors, it’s easy to understand how a violent, Catholic threat to the Protestant faith was transformed into a vengeful specter – a zombified appendage of history reaching out at the giggling great grandchildren of unjustly murdered Anglicans.

Today’s Weird Things chat will one day be discovered by a team of overexcited, yet likely emotionally repressed, academics wearing khaki shorts. Hold on to your butts, we’re looking for the Weirdest Dinosaur in the World.

Here are the ground rules:

• Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

• Must be real.

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at 5:30 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Our baseline was found on About.com and is the Suchomimus. Take it away blockquote…

Evolutionarily speaking, dinosaurs and crocodiles both branched off from archosaurs at the end of the Triassic period, and thereafter maintained fairly distinct lifestyles. Suchomimus looked like a bizarre hybrid of these two families: this theropod had the body of a carnivorous dinosaur, but the long, narrow, toothy snout of a crocodile (which it presumably used to snatch fish and small lizards out of lakes and rivers).

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5:30 p.m. EST.