Are computer viruses trying to take us over? Are they just the devolution of some kind of alien technology that’s trying to communicate with us through insipid mischief? Or are they evil alien viruses and trying to distract us from the impending invasion?

I don’t know necessarily about all these alien viruses I keep hearing about but if you have just regular earth viruses then you need ESET Antivirus and ESET are the world leaders in Anti-Threat technology.

There’s only one place you need to go to get it: http://www.willtech.com.au/delivers/Protection

And who know? Maybe they will just save us from all those alien viruses..

Before the big SpaceX announcement, the boys debate their relative excitement levels while Brian levies accusations of bigotry against NASA. Andrew questions the merit of a claim that the Chupacabra was inspired by the alien in Species and posits his own theory. Justin reads a listener scenario that eventually forces Hitler to try and kiss one of his high command right on the lips.

Your honors, it’s time for a new Weird Things Podcast!

Support the show by purchasing Andrew’s new SciFi book The Grendel’s Shadow for only .99 at Amazon.com by clicking the image below!

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Sponsored by:

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Chaos Buffering Podcast

Picks:

Brian-

• Maps & A Mirror by Orson Scott Card

Justin-

• The Grendel’s Shadow by Andrew Mayne

Andrew-

• Source Code directed by Duncan Jones

Elon Musk’s Space X promised a big announcement today and it was the unveiling of the Falcon Heavy. The short list of features: it can put 100,000 – 120,000 lbs. in orbit, has the thrust capacity of 15 Boeing 747s combined, is 30% the cost of previous rockets of this size, meets NASA requirements for human transport, can do the a trip to the ISS, moon or Mars(!!!) and back AND is ready to launch by the end of 2012.

Musk:

“Falcon Heavy would be capable of launching people as soon as we’ve proven it out with a few launches,” Musk said. “It opens up a wide range of possibilities, such as a mission to the moon or conceivably even Mars,” he said.

“First launch from our Cape Canaveral launch complex is planned for late 2013 or 2014,” Musk said.

M-A-R-S. Mars.

[Fox News]

How boring is it to live in Bridgewater, Ireland? So boring that when you see what you think might be a dead body, or a turtle, or (as it turned out ultimately) the head of a pig floating below a town bridge it becomes a communal event to observe the proceedings.

Workers leave their jobs mid shift, drivers immediately park their car on the shoulder of the road to join the bridge crowd and town traffic is brought to a stand still.

For a dead pig. Floating in a river.

Considering this became a town-wide curiosity, did anyone think about retrieving the object? Specifically considering early scuttlebutt argued it was a dead body?

Some people waited for around two hours and said they did not see the object removed and believe it is still in the river.

Oh, well maybe the local authorities were just too busy.

Police officers also attended the scene but left shortly after.

Never mind, Ireland is weird.

[Bridgewater Mercury]

With apologies to John Coulton, there really isn’t much work being done in the niche genre of rock music from the perspective of a zombie. Enter Aaron Stoquert, an NYC folk singer/songwriter whose five-track EP Run For Your Life does just that with great effect.

If you are into melodic, creepy, haunting tunes heralding the cold inevitable reality of cannibalistic demons posing as family members tearing apart society one limb at a time, press play immediately.

Head to Aaron’s site for the rest and we encourage you purchasing.

[Aaron Stoquert Bandcamp]

Here is a flick you’ll probably hear a lot more about once it gets US distribution. Attack The Block is like Goonies if the Goonies kids lived in the projects and then aliens attacked. And were British.

It opens in the UK May 13th and played to rave reviews at the recently wrapped SXSW film festival.

[The Playlist]

While speaking to MTV’s The Hive, Sammy Hagar describes in detail how a band of aliens experimented on him while he slept:

How is that crazy? I wasn’t there, I don’t know what happened to you.

Remember the story in the book, where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana?

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the page right here. “I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship… And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.” You’re telling me that wasn’t a dream?

That’s right. It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, “F-ck, they downloaded something into me!” Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. “See what this guy knows.”

And this actually happened?

That happened. That friggin’ happened, I’ll tell you right now. Another thing happened when I was about four that I didn’t put into the book. One time I saw what I considered to be, well, at the time I thought it was a car with no wheels. We lived out in the country and I saw this thing floating across a field, creating this big dust storm. I threw rocks at it and sh-t. And I don’t know what happened after that.

You blacked out?

I guess. I just have no memory of it. And that wasn’t a dream. It was during daylight.

Sammy is promoting his new autobiography Red. In the interview he also discusses boring stuff like drugs, booze and David Lee Roth.

What could aliens want with the brain of Sammy Hagar? Beyond an intergalactic fascination with his oft-discussed inability to drive 55, your guess is as good as mine.

[MTV Hive]

If one day, in a shiny future filled with hope and promise science and engineering finally succeeds in putting the feet of a human on Mars, we could just be returning home.

That is the theory of one MIT research team which aims to forensically test elements of the Martian ground to see if Earth humans were descended from the same genetic origin.

The MIT team led by Christopher Carr and Maria Zuber (head of MIT’s Department of Earth, Atmospheric and Planetary Sciences) and Gary Ruvkun, a molecular biologist at the Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard University, are proposing to build an instrument to send to Mars and test for extraterrestrial genomes.

Despite the numerous landers and rovers we’ve sent already, the only surface biology experiments were carried out in a bold but premature effort in 1976 aboard the trailblazing NASA Viking landers. The confusing results from these tests remain controversial and ambiguous today.

Even if we aren’t cosmic cousins with whatever critters skittered around The Red Planet once upon a time, the study has another benefit. It could greatly increase our understanding of microbes on Mars and if they would be hazardous to human settlers.

Because if they are, we might have to tent the planet for fumigation before moving in.

[Discovery News via Conspiracy Journal]

“The most important thing this discovery tells us is that there are quite likely to be other large fishes in the Amazon yet to be discovered and described.”

[NewScientist]

According to statements released during a recent conference on the phenomenon of Satanism at Regina Apostolorum Pontifical University in Rome, there has been a surge in requests for exorcists which correlates with the rise of the Internet. The claim is that the web has increased access to information which has, in turn, increased the number of satanists. People love to Google the devil.

I will be the first to admit that my knowledge about demon possession and exorcism is sorely lacking and based on horrible sources. Most of my exorcism knowledge revolves around what I saw in Constantine and I am pretty sure all we need is a mirror and maybe an alcoholic priest. However, I am not sure how an increase in the number of satanists increases the number of demon possessions? Are the satanists putting demons into people? I always just kind of assumed they were independent contractors and possessed whoever they wanted. Maybe being a satanist increases your chances for possession.

How can you tell if your loved one is possessed by a demon and needs a professional exorcist?

“That could be indicated by radical and disturbing changes in the person’s behaviour and voice, or an ability to garble in foreign languages or nonsensical gibberish.”

OK, that might not work for all cases; how can you tell if your loved one is possessed by a demon and not just drunk?

“Father Gabriele Amorth said people who are possessed by Satan vomit shards of glass and pieces of iron, scream, dribble and slobber, utter blasphemies and have to be physically restrained.”

Vomiting shards of glass and iron. Got it, thanks.

[The Telegraph]

[Gizmodo]

Mars is the bomb. Or rather, may have been bombed. But not by rogue Martians or those weenusmunchers from Venus. No, it was totally natural. This explosion wiped out all life on the planet and left it a wasteland of red sand. At least, according to one theory:

“The Martian surface is covered with a thin layer of radioactive substances including uranium, thorium and radioactive potassium — and this pattern radiates from a hot spot [on Mars],” Brandenburg told FoxNews.com.

“A nuclear explosion could have sent debris all around the planet,” he said. “Maps of gamma rays on Mars show a big red spot that seems like a radiating debris pattern … on the opposite side of the planet there is another red spot.”

According to Brandenburg, the natural explosion, the equivalent of 1 million one-megaton hydrogen bombs, occurred in the northern Mare Acidalium region of Mars where there is a heavy concentration of radioactivity.

Some are intrigued by the theory but others believe the only way to prove it would be to send a mission to Mars, which are resources better spent elsewhere, like trying to find other intelligent life.

Or we could just invent a time machine and hit it with a nuclear warhead. Problem solved.

[Fox News]

The northwest English town of Cumbria has a mysterious bipedal creature in the sewers. It may or may not be dangerous, but it does bear a resemblance to the infamous CHUD creatures from the 1984 horror film.

Or at least that’s what the local government would like you to believe.

A series of videos were published today showing the creature caught on an automated sewer robot camera. Although the videos themselves are not marked as such, they were apparently created by the local water council. They would like to remind citizens that flushing some items down the toilet can do serious damage to municipal pipes.

Rose Francis, the campaign manager said: “The real monsters lurking in the sewers are the baby wipes, cotton buds and nappies which clog pipes.

“It’s a big issue, as the resulting flooding can cause real distress for households and pollute watercourses.”

And so to do this, the created a completely unbranded cryptid video that will no doubt surface in two years as “absolute proof” of CHUDs in some other town. Crystal clear message.

[News and Star]

Gertie the hen is now Gerry the cockerel.

Well… we don’t know if they call him Gerry but this chicken certainly did have a sex change. Which is apparently normal amongst some chickens.

The first sign that something was afoot with Gertie was that she stopped laying eggs, her owners, Jim and Jeanette Howard of Huntingdon, England, told the local media. Next, she began strutting around their garden and crowing like a rooster. Over the next few weeks, Gertie put on weight and developed wattles beneath her chin, a feature normally exhibited only by males. She also grew dark brown plumage and a scarlet cockscomb atop her head, both male traits.

”I know it sounds ridiculous but I can assure you it’s all true,” Jim Howard told cambridge-news.co.uk. “People think it’s a bit weird but
apparently its one of those things that does happen.”

“Sex reversals do, in fact, occur—although not very frequently,” states a 2000 report published by the University of Florida’s Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences. “To date, however, spontaneous sex reversal from male to female has not been reported.”

This is not an April Fools day prank. We just want to make that clear. This is an actual science fact. A science fact we like to refer to as the +1.

[Live Science]