Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Disasters ever to strike down man or beast.

On January 15, 1919 an enormous, fifty-foot tall molasses tank collapsed, overrunning a portion of the great city of Boston with such sugary goodness that 21 people were killed, 150 were injured and eleventy-billion cavities ensued.

Thanks to the now pervasive colloquialism, “Slow as molasses,” I can’t help but picture this otherwise deeply depressing disaster as a scene out of an Austin Powers movie wherein Boston’s citizens scream and point at a 15-foot tall wave of dark brown molasses without ever making an effort to turn and run as it ever so slowly envelopes them.

The truth, however, is that this terrifying Blob-like blob was flying down the streets of Boston at 35 mph and crashing into structures and people alike with such force that it destroyed buildings, lifted a train off its elevated track and tossed a truck into Boston Harbor.

People and horses were stuck in the gooey tide like flies on flypaper, like flies in honey, like flies in Vaseline. (Why is it that flies get all the good “stuck in” similes?!) Some of the trapped horses were even shot by police rather than watch them struggle. (For the sake of what’s left of BPs PR I’m glad that’s not how struggling animals are handled today.)

Rather than wait for the molasses to ferment and stage the largest rum-fueled street party the world has ever seen, the city elected to begin the cleanup process immediately. It took 87,000 man-hours to clean up the streets and buildings affected by the Great Molasses Flood. That’s almost 20 years of one man working 12 hour days! (OR, to put it in terms you guys might be able to comprehend, that’s roughly the same amount of time it would take to clean the blood from your ears after listening to any given Nickelback album from beginning to end!)

If you had to be killed by a wave of something, what would you choose? Know of any Weird Disasters that absolutely have to make it into this week’s list?

Japanese scientists have created the world’s first touchable holograms. Using 2 Wiimotes and a wave emitter to create pressure on the user’s hands Researchers at Tokyo University have developed the technology to be used from everything from basic computing to light switches and doorknobs. Who would have thought the world of Minority Report would be brought to you be Nintendo. I’m pretty sure Google will be the first with pre-cogs though.

Boom. How’s that for a Monday morning? That thing looks like the Yeti of cats.

As described by Gadopoder:

These little (big) guys are the oldest living relative of modern day cats. The Pallas’s Cat is the oldest living species of a clade of felids that includes the modern genus Felis. This feline, along with the extinct Martelli’s Cat, was probably one of the first two modern cats to evolve from Pseudaelurus approximately 12 million years ago.

Hit up their site for more pics.

[Gadopoder]

We reported this when it first happened, but this footage is pretty clear proof that someone weird was going on in the sky over the Xiaoshan Airport earlier this month.

Thanks to Weird Things reader Glenn for sending this in.

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Tirades ever thrown.

Not only is this my new favorite Weird Tirade…but this may be my new favorite video. Period. About a third of the way through I was planning what I would write if I decided to use this clip. I started thinking it would be funny if I wrote a transcript of what the manager was saying since there’s no real audio.

Half way through, I was mesmerized by his theatricality and had completely given myself over to the video. The LAST thing on my mind was what I should be writing about.

By the end, I realized there is absolutely no room for improvement in this video. Clearly he has been waiting his entire career for this one moment when he could simultaneously show off his Groundlings training and get himself thrown out of a minor league ballpark. Literally nothing I can say or do will improve on this tirade except to say:

“Bring this guy up to the majors already!”

That’s the end gang. You’ve seen all of this week’s Weird Tirades. What do you think? How would you rank them? (Also, hook me up with a fantastic theme for next week’s column and in return I will promise you a much more timely batch of awesome. Scout’s honor.)

We had:

1. McNugget Rage!

2. The Fightin’ Optometrist!

3. Satan Claus

and of course, my early favorite:

4. Minor League Manager, Major League Tantrum

Save the Lars Homestead! Head here for more information.

Awesome.

VIENNA (AFP) – Two young ring-tailed lemurs which had escaped from Salzburg zoo five days ago have been recaptured by their keepers in a hotel bar in a nearby village, according to local media reports Friday.

The two-year-old males had escaped from Salzburg’s Hellbrunn zoo on Sunday afternoon, journeying around 25 kilometres (15 miles) over the next four days.

On Thursday morning, they crept through the open window of a hotel in the village of Wals, where staff lured them into the bar with fruits before calling the zoo to collect them.

Disney has already purchased the rights to the story. The big lemur will be voiced by Brad Garret and Bow Wow will play his travel companion. Sam Elliot is already locked as a gruff yet wise gopher.

[AFP]

The official Weird Things review of Inception? See it. Now. Stop reading.

You back? How awesome was that movie? I know! Remember that part when (REDACTED FOR SPOILERS)? So awesome. Anyhow, here is where science is in terms of making all that a reality. Or rather, a dream. The dream you might share as a reality. Or something.

[Live Science]

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Tirades ever thrown.

Today’s post actually revolves around a tiny blurb in a sixty year old magazine, so I’ll let you be the judge as to whether it is even close to on topic or not. But here’s the thing: I’m writing this post and your not and the bottom line is that the image said blurb conjured in my mind made me laugh. A lot.

Today we’re taking you back to a simpler time. A time when Santa Claus was just an amorphous figure. A character that was simply an amalgamation of religious stories and folklore, not some cheap marketing whore who’s willing to sell his bearded face to the highest bidder (which often seems to be your local mall…go figure).

But already, in 1951, there were hints that the times…oh, they were a changin’. Case in point, in December of that year LIFE magazine ran a story titled Santa Claus to Santa Stooge, all about the horrors of Santa shilling products and participating in promotional stunts. Apparently this was a new thing for the Greatest Generation to cope with, on account of one of the guys playing Santa in a parade in Ontario, after being mobbed by excited children (who had yet to be warned about unshaved strangers with candy), lost his temper and start kicking at all the greedy little grandparents to be.

Now you tell me, how can you not love the visual of some guy looking to cash in on his overweight gut and graying hair suddenly realizing he has bitten off more than he can chew and kicking wildly at any kid too excited by the idea of seeing the unseeable to stay out of leg’s length?!

Here’s the link to the LIFE article, but honestly, the entire magazine is filled with gold. Give it a look.

Anyone have any better crazy Santa stories?! Let me know!

Andrew, Brian and Justin lay out their brilliant plan for escaping the evil clutches of alien overlords. They then realize how easily a famous psychological experiment could have gone horribly wrong if the three of them had been selected. Brian also shares with the audience his disturbing camouflage technique. Plans for a mission to an Indian massacre are discussed.

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Ohmygod! Complete underwater volcano! All the way! It’s so intense! What does it mean? (begins crying)

[Nat Geo]

A Polish plant biologist is suggesting that plants are capable of thought.

Plants “remember” information about light, and a certain type of cell transmits that information, much like nerves do in animals.

In the study, which has not yet been published, the researchers found that light shone on one leaf of an Arabidopsis thaliana plant caused the whole plant to respond. The response lasted even after the light source was taken away, suggesting the plant remembered the light input.

Different wavelengths of light produce a different response, suggesting the plants use the information to generate protective chemical reactions — like pathogen defense or food production.

Rick Moranis is terrified.

[Pop Sci]

Not only will Austrian stuntman Felix Baumgartner attempt to redefine the official limitations of which height a human can fall from without dying immediately he also hopes to break the sound barrier on the way down.

Starting in the stratosphere at 120,000 feet above the ground, Baumgartner will leap from a capsule suspended by a helium balloon near the boundary of space.

Sponsored by the energy drink company Red Bull, Baumgartner’s mission — called Red Bull Stratos — seeks to extend the “safety zone” of human atmospheric bailout last set in 1960 by diver Joe Kittinger. This limit defines the uppermost altitude a human being can safely jump from.

Awesome. Also, he’s already leapt off the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro. Double complete rainbow.

[Space]

Here is one paragraph for you to read:

“Accordingly, our own Universe may be the interior of a black hole existing in another universe.” So concludes Nikodem Poplawski at Indiana University in a remarkable paper about the nature of space and the origin of time.

If that doesn’t make you want to read the rest of this post, you’re a real silly goose.

[Technology Review]

Construction workers at the site where the World Trade Center once stood unearthed a ship from the 18th Century in New York City yesterday.  Crews rushed in to get as much data about the ship recorded before the heat of the sun turn it dust, as well as to ensure that worked continued at the historical site.

So did they build the WTC over a pirate’s hideaway, or did Revolutionary New Yorkers find a creative way to dispose of those darn Redcoats? Let us know your craziest theories in the comments!

[New York Times]