Homicidal Robot! [Weirdest Murders]
Posted by Brett on July 1st, 2010Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.
The wheels were set in motion on January 25th, 1979. Now it’s just a matter of time…
That’s the date that Robert Williams of Flat Rock, Michigan, during an otherwise uneventful shift on an assembly line, met his fatal demise at the murderous hands of (…wait for it…) A ROBOT!
Never before in history had a robot been responsible for the death of a human being. I like to picture that in the year 2025, a short ten years after the release of the hover board, in the wastelands of the new Robotopia will stand a monument to the robotic arm that crushed Williams for getting in its way while it tried to retrieve some vital parts.
No word on whether or not the robot had foreknowledge of Williams’s grandson becoming the leader of the human resistance.
According to an article on wired.com, “The jury agreed the robot struck him in the head because of a lack of safety measures…” Which I can only assume means the robot was a stickler for safety and eventually had all it could take of Williams’s careless work practices.
For those of you that say this one is cheating and not an actual murder, I say, “Time will shed full light on the truth and I for one welcome our new robot overlords.”
What are your thoughts on the coming Robopocalypse? What’s the best way to fend off a murderous robot?
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July 1st, 2010 at 8:43 am
Can never trust those robots. First it will start with “oh sorry, those safety regulations were not good enough” to “We fuck your shit! Guaranteed, guaranteed.” Thats right Mr. Rothman I see through your disguise! You might try to hide it, but I know you were the original killing robot who set the entire robot murder movement into action!
Anyway, onto my story for today. Today I bring the story of the White Death aka Simo Hayha aka the only man who can stop Robo Rothman!
Mr. Death was a Sniper in the Finnish army during The Winter War. He is famous for having the highest number of confirmed kills during the war at 505 confirmed and 542 if counting all the people he “might” have killed. And that is just his kills with a sniper rifle. If you count them all up with that one time he decided to just use a sub machine gun then his full count would be about 705.
His secret to his Ruskies killing abilities was his abilities to blend in with the snow around him. He would wear full white camo and get down and dirty with the -40 to -20 degree (Celsius) snow. He would pack snow around the barrel so when he fired a shot his position would stay hidden and the would keep snow in his mouth so no one could see his breath. The real kicker, he would do all of this only using the iron sights on his rifle because he saw the scope as more of a distraction then anything.
The Ruskies, obviously not liking him very much, tried very hard to kill him. They would send multiple counter sniper teams out to kill him only to have them all killed. After a couple of tries the realized that bullets didn't seem to work so they tried bombing the forest he worked in. Turns out that just made him angry.
Eventually one Rusian soldier got lucky and shot him in the face. The bullet hit him in the jaw and blew off half of his face. According to the reports half of his head was missing.
Now here is where things get weird. He lived. He was picked up by some Finnish soldiers and taken to the doctor. They managed to stabalize him but he went into a coma. He then woke up from that coma. He woke up on March 13th aka the same day the war ended. My bet is that the Russians were tired of being killed by the same guy so they gave up. He then went on to hunt Moose to practice for killing the robots in the future.
I think that this fits into the weird Murders theme because a) it sure was weird for all those Russians and b) those guys tried really hard to kill him.
So watch out Robo Rothman, the cray old man is ready and waiting for you to make your move!
July 2nd, 2010 at 11:21 pm
That was honestly an epic story, Michael! Thanks a TON for sharing!