Preparing for the inevitable Terminator: Salvation robot apocalypse a five part series
We here at Weird Things aren’t just committed to telling you about all the weird things going on in your world, we’re here to do something about it! As every day brings us closer to the robot apocalypse envisioned in the Terminator saga, we’ve been preparing ourselves for a fighting chance. Our editors (actually just this one; the others looked at me funny when I suggested this) decided to design the ultimate weapon to use in the front lines of the man versus machine war.
The first round of offence is the armor piercing bullets stacked wide and deep in the magazine. These rounds are designed to penetrate plate steel, carbon fiber and even titanium.
The scope on the weapon is both a night vision viewer and an EMF direction finder. It’ll help you find your enemy from the unshielded radio waves they give off (what FCC?).
The laser site is designed to make it easy to target the head. It also serves a dual purpose in allowing you to temporarily blind the metallic bringers of death. Drop a bunch of laser key chains in your defensive perimeter to make it more difficult to target your laser sight and vaporize you before you even touch the trigger.
The tip of the rifle barrel is also a 100,000 volt “bayonet” designed to scramble the electronic circuitry of your would be metal assassin or any granola eating Ubuntu freak collaborators willing to defend them if the evil robots claim their code is based on open source.
The magnetic grenades are designed to stick to the metal skin of our robot oppressors and deliver a powerful explosion shooting hot metal and spite into their exoskeletons.
The buzz saw is for close quarter combat when you need to rip open their craniums and scoop out their microprocessors. Also useful for ripping open the skulls of their aforementioned open source collaborators who’d sell us all out to the machine overlords for a signed Summer Glau photo and a chance to have their name in the source code on the distro of their evil Linux fork.
When facing the “unstoppable” variety of unstoppable killing machine, the spay paint attachment can be used to disable their optic sensors and tag really irritating graffiti on their metal carapaces.
The last resort is USB 3.0 stick loaded with malware, lol katz and torrents of Short Circuit, Heart Beeps and Batteries Not Included.
We’re currently accepting quotes from artillery manufacturers wishing to place bids on building this weapon.