Authorities in a small town in Nigeria responded to tips that a local hotel had added something new to their menu.

After bursting into the restaurant…

“…they arrested four men, six women and the hotel’s owner. In addition, they discovered at least two blood-soaked human heads wrapped in cellophane, two army caps, two AK-47 rifles and a small quantity of ammunition. The heads have yet to be identified.”

Information about how long the hotel’s been serving as Hannibal Lector’s fave Nigerian B&B, how many people have ended up on the menu and how extensive the network supplying the hotel actually is have yet to be determined.

For the morbidly curious among you (yep…we’re aware you’re out there):

Heads went for around $45, hands and legs about $20 and ‘man parts’? Around $6.

We just keep shaking our heads and hearing the last line of the Eagles’ song Hotel California playing over and over…

“You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave.”

[Liberty Voice]

2013 has come and gone. “Bath Salt Zombies” had their time. Krokodil has already peaked and is on its way out.

What’s the new weird trend? Cannibalism.

Cannibalism is becoming the latest weird ‘it’ thing. There are currently several court cases in process concerning cannibalism. The modern equivalent of an online farmer’s market of people looking to eat other people has also surfaced in the process.

But the most telling sign that cannibalism has hit its stride toward knocking zombies from their golden time in the media? That Jamie Oliver has apparently been asked by producers to do a cooking show that deals with preparing a meal using human flesh.

Blink. Your eyes will dry out if you don’t.

In an attempt to grab ratings by creating a shock factor of a show, producers out there have suggested that a show about cooking human flesh should absolutely be headed up by the very same guy that stormed out across the world on a campaign to get kids to eat healthy. Oliver has turned down the idea of a show based on smoking your neighbor.

Even though he said “No”, his reply to reporters about the situation was almost as shocking as the idea of the show itself. Oliver’s reply:

“I know exactly what human meat tastes like. Pork. It tastes exactly like pork.”

Really.

[The Drum]

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

And in true WeirdThings fashion here’s a story to enjoy while you’re waiting for your Turducken to golden its sweet self.

Most of you prefer white meat. Some of you prefer dark meat.

NYPD officer Gilberto Valle prefers something he’s coined ‘girl meat’. According to the prosecution in a bizarre case against Valle, he was going to sit down to a Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings and a plateful of said ‘girl meat’.

“I’m planning on getting some girl meat. This November, for Thanksgiving. It’s a long way off, but I’m getting the plan in motion now. She’s not a volunteer. She has to be abducted. I know where she lives. I will grab her from her house. I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus. Cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.”

We can hear everyone quietly putting down their forks and looking around awkwardly.

Valle is apparently part of a small subculture that prefers its meat right off the bone…the human bone. The ‘girl meat’ that Valle was refering to was just that…the meat of an abducted girl. Federal prosecutors produced the transcript of an online chat between Gilberto Valle and an alleged co-conspirator that revealed his plan to abduct a woman he knew and roast her alive and slowly over an open flame.

While his defense claims that Valle would never commit such an act and that his thoughts alone don’t deserve jail-time (he’s currently locked up in solitary confinement), an FBI expert from Quantico looked at the case and stated that he would definitely eventually act on his plans.

The judge handling the case has denied bail for the third time as of this posting and the court proceedings begin on January 22nd which could actually make CourtTV worth watching.

Now pass us those fava beans (we couldn’t resist)!

[NY Times]

Here in the states, Bath-Salt Zombie activity has gone into a lull as everyone following the gruesome trend keeps a wary eye out for the next crazy-looking person who reeks of ‘Blossoming Garden Jasmine’ and keeps eyeballing your body like a slab of ribs.

Meanwhile, over in China, a strange attack has caused hopeful zombie apocalypse fans to perk up with curious dog head-tilt.

During a subway ride, a 67 year-old retiree asked a young man refused to give up the seat to his elder? The 28 year-old whipper-snapper suddenly found himself tackled by the older man. Not only was he being attacked, he was being chewed on! The elder man was literally taking chunks of flesh out of the younger man’s arm and the blood was flowing.

In behavior that resembled a bunch of cornered mice, witnesses scattered to corners of the subway car then someone hit the record button on their phone and caught the whole attack on video for the world to see. YouTube has taken down the video based on their policies but you can still find it online. We’re warning you. It’s not for the squeamish when you do find it.

According to the news covering the story, both men were apprehended, taken to the police station and let go.

Yup. Let go.

Not only that but they both apologized for their behavior and agreed to pay their own medical bills.

Neither of them will be charged with anything.

Anyone else seeing into the near-future now that this precedent’s been set? Us too.

[SINA]

Remember when eating bath-salts, slipping into a rabid zombie-like state, getting naked and chewing the faces off innocent pedestrians was kinda trendy and cool?

Apparently 20 year-old Richard Cimino Jr of Doylestown, Pennsylvania hasn’t been paying attention to the bath-salt fount of information that this blog is about such things.

State police responded to a call the other night from two women who reported an assault…an assault by?

We can hear all of you in a weird unison of unspoken nodding…’bath-salt zombie’.

According to early reports, Cimino pulled his car up behind a home early in the morning, stripped to his underwear and tried to break into the home. The resident at that home startled Cimino who fled to another home not far away and proceeded to break in to the second home. No one was home.

Cimino proceeded up to the second floor of the home and, like the erratic behavior exhibited by most of the ‘Bath-Salt Zombies’ we’ve seen so far, parkoured himself from the second-story window severely injuring his arms and legs when he slammed into the ground.

True to ‘Bath-Salt Zombie’ lore (which stretches back in time to the end of January of this year) Cimino got up and walked away while bleeding profusely.

Cimino then approached two women, who once again helped this whole incident slide into the typical ‘Bath-Salt Zombie’ profile when he jumped one of them and, “screaming like a wild animal”, began gnawing on the skull of one of the poor women.

Both women managed to escape Cimino, who police later found covered in blood acting delusional and confrontational.

After lunging at a state trooper and punching a medical technician, Cimino was tasered and taken to Geisinger Community Medical Center in Scranton.

Cimino is charged with two counts each of aggravated assault, criminal mischief, indecent exposure, three counts of burglary and several other charges.

At this time tests regarding what Cimino may have been hopped up on are still pending.

Anyone want to take a stab at what he may have been on? Anyone?

[Times-Tribune]

Almost 30 people have been arrested during a dawn raid on what’s believed to be a cannibal cult in Papua New Guinea.

Members range from a 13-year-old boy to a teacher in his 50s. Two men are still on the run.

The group has killed at least four men and three women since April according to local authorities.

“The group alleges that there were some deaths related to sorcery in the area.
“They were initiated into a cultural house and believe they could identify sorcerers. It has been an ongoing problem.”

Although sorcery is legally defined in Papua New Guinea, the government’s Law Reform Commission is trying to rid that particular outdated legalese because once a murder is claimed sorcery-related the prosecution process becomes murky.

In this case, however, facts, forensic evidence and statements made by the accused have led invesitgators to believe that parts of the victims were eaten.

[Herald Sun Australia]

Eventually it’s going to stop, right? The zombie-style incidents? They’ll come to an end before we all end up eating one another, won’t they?

Not any time soon, people.

Not only will they not stop but they’re already getting tired of the taste of tender human meat and are now moving on to man’s best friend.

Yeah. You read that last part correctly…a dog is the latest victim in the new drug-zombie phenomena.

Michael Terron Daniel, a 22-year-old Texan was high on the designer drug known as K2 (a synthetic cannabis) when he began chasing a neighbor…like a dog. Complete with barks and growls, Daniel then turned his attention to the family dog. What happened next was too graphic to really go into detail about according to reports. One witness reported that he was “ripping pieces of flesh away.” The dog was pronounced dead at the scene.

Waco officers (yes…THAT Waco) arrived to find a blood-covered porch and Daniel pleading for them to either fight him or use the stun gun in order “to help him get off his bad trip.”

Daniel has been charged with felony cruelty to a non-livestock animal.

[WPTV]

Two Dutch television-show hosts said they had their flesh cooked by a top chef and then dined on each other before a studio audience.

“Nothing is really that special when you’re talking about the taste of the meat,”  host Dennis Storm told ABCNews.com. “But it is weird to look into the eyes of a friend when you are chewing on his belly.”

Yeah, so. Dutch cannibalism on TV. Nothing I can add to this.

[ABC News]

Justin Robert Young recounts his harrowing ordeal in the Forest with a Million Eyes. Brian, Andrew and Justin then step into the treacherous mental playground of a loyal listener and reveal their most deep-seated primal motivations when they are faced with surviving in a post-Zombie Apocalypse. One of them will become a ravenous fiend roving the ruins of civilization in search of fresh brains. Another will unleash his inner amoral self and cackle in delight as the world burns and search out female survivors to indulge his earthly desires. The final member of the trio will rise above tragedy and seek out vengeance for the horrific fate the befell is family and adopt a heroic new identity, and another, and another.

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[podcast]http://www.itricks.com/upload/WeirdThings070510.mp3[/podcast]

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the phrase, “Eat your heart out…”. As in, “Eat your heart out Google, there’s a new iPhone in town,” or “Eat your heart out Thierry, I just ate your lung.”

Right, well…something like that.

Want more explanation? I thought you’d never ask.

In 2007, Nicolas Cocaign’s lawyer TRIED to explain that the French attempted rapist was crazy. He TRIED to get the dude shipped to a psych ward. Unfortunately, when the prison officials refused, it was up to Cocaign to provide the actual proof.

That’s where Cocaign’s cellmate, Thierry Baudry, comes in…or exits rather. After stabbing Baudry repeatedly in the chest with a pair of scissors Cocaign finished him off by suffocating him with a plastic bag. (Why a crazy rapist had access to a pair of scissors and a plastic bag I leave up to you to try to figure out.)

Apparently satisfied with his attempt to prove his insanity Cocaign then set out to prove that he also had no anatomical knowledge whatsoever.

In an effort to absorb Baudry’s soul by eating his heart, our buddy Cocaign, managed instead to eat a lung AND two chest muscles. (I like to think that after finishing the lung he looked down, saw another one and with a quiet sigh, said to himself, “crap.” Before resigning himself to chowing down on the more centrally located albeit no more heart-shaped chest muscles.)

Fun fact: At his subsequent murder trial the lead juror announced the verdict by standing up and singing:

He’s a plight,

He’s a plight,

He’s a plight,

COCAIGN.

(Shoot. I promised myself no more Eric Clapton jokes.)

Your thoughts? Have any other weird cannibal/murder stories? (Or Eric Clapton jokes?)