Giant Snails Invade Florida!
Posted by Tony on April 17th, 2013It wasn’t too long ago that North America’s Hellmouth of a state was calling for people to go out into the wild and bag/kill as many giant pythons as they possibly could.
Now that that’s yesterday’s Nature versus Humankind battle is over, everyone’s favorite birthing place of weird EVERYTHING is taking us back to the good old days of that era of 1970s horror films when piranha, worms, snakes, rats, bears and even tadpoles decided they were tired of sharing the planet with us.
Just what the hell is this new scourge that’s coming to wreak havoc upon us now?
Brace yourselves, people…
Snails.
SNAILS!
And they’re exactly the kind of snails some of you are imagining right now…
Giant African Snails that can grow to 8 inches long, devour 500 different species of plants and (you’re going to slap your face like Maculay Culkin in Home Alone right about now) they are tearing through stucco and peoples’ homes! Not only that but the snails’ shells are big enough to puncture car tires because they’re Frogger-like skills are nonexistent!
Good luck, Florida.
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April 19th, 2013 at 10:40 pm
Quick, call Dr. Doolittle, he has experience with giant snails.
April 20th, 2013 at 3:03 am
There’s one more thing to write on my list of places not to move to…
April 20th, 2013 at 3:03 am
There’s one more thing to write on my list of places not to move to…