Researchers have created an electromechanical sommelier for identifying wines, cheeses, and meats. However during one exhibition the terrible, terrible future was revealed in the childlike voice of the robot.

“But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot’s omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto.”

Prepare yourself for the robot apocalypse.

[Wired]

If you were discovered in Beirut, as the center of attention making everyone around you laugh it up only to be found by some new friends who insist you travel with them to Brazil, you might think yourself a pretty lucky jet setter.

If you are Omega the chimpanzee, it’s even more impressive. Sure he was nabbed by animal rights workers who were revolted by the idea of him blowing buts in a Lebanon zoo. But still, free trip to Brazil!

“The chimp still regularly smokes … if someone will throw him a cigarette he’d pick it up and go for it straight away,” said Jason Meier, executive director for animal rights group Animals Lebanon.

Organizers of Omega’s evacuation say it marks the first time a chimpanzee has been rescued in Lebanon, a country with virtually no animal rights protection laws.

In his younger years, Omega was used in one of the local restaurants to entertain people and was made to smoke cigarettes and serve water pipes to customers. After he grew stronger, he was locked up and taken to a zoo where for the past 10 years he has lived in a cage measuring 430 square feet (40 square meters).

Hopefully, they packed some Nicorette. Quitting smoking could be quite the monkey on Omega’s back.

[AP]

Newly discovered 50 million year old amber deposits in northwest India have revealed more than 700 insect species representing 55 families of insects inside. Included in the findings so far are many social insects such as bees, termites, and ants. Scientists will compare these insects to thier modern cousins to try and obtain a better understanding of their evolution. Or perhaps they will just try to pull out DNA and start a theme park.

[Wired]

In this amazing photograph offered up by NASA’s Astronomy Picture of the Day you can see the edge of the NGC 4452 galaxy. It was taken by the revered Hubble telescope and gives we land-dwellers a rare glimpse into the long view of the cosmos.

[APOD]

It left a vapor trail as it soared into the sky but the questions have lingered far longer as we ponder “what was that California mystery missle after all?”

Predictably, conspiracy theories abound:

• We launched an ICBM from a submarine while Obama was out to town to show we’re still hardcore: this comes from Former Deputy Secretary of Defense Robert Ellsworth in the video above although he cautioned that we should wait for official confirmation from the military.

• It’s a mobile launcher from the USS Ronald Reagan: Despite the defense department denying it was a scheduled launch, some are speculating that the missile came from the general area of the USS Ronald Reagan. Two problems, the size of the weapon is off from what is equipped on the ship and the USS RR was supposed to be en route to help a stranded Carnival Cruise ship.

• It’s a jet contrail: According to a Harvard professor the direction and shape of the vapor looks consistent with a jet contrail illuminated by the low angel of a setting sun. This of course leaves the option for chemtrail open.

• Batman has finally banished Mr. Freeze to space: On the unofficial Twitter @God_Damn_Batman, the Dark Knight offered a tacit explanation…

Not saying I had anything to do with that missile off the coast of CA. But I hope the vacuum of space is cold enough for you, Mr. Freeze.

We are down with all of these.

He once prowled the primordial sea, ruling all he surveyed. Legend would speak of this carnivorous shrimp in hushed, reverential tones for it was truly Earth’s first predator.

Until we found out yesterday that it was just like any other stupid shrimp and wasn’t carnivorous at all.

A new 3-D modeling of the mouth parts of the Anomalocaris, along with evidence that these parts were not hard like teeth, but flexible, shows that the famed predator could not have been munching on the hard shells of trilobites and other such creatures of the early seas.

Just for that, I’m headed to Red Lobster. Endless Shrimp is back and I’m gonna eat 75 of of this dude’s descendants.

[Science Daily via reader Dan Wheeler]

Not to be outdone by the Air Force and its Mind Warfare research, the Navy is pouring money into directed energy weapons. It is making breakthroughs with the Free Electron Laser which will melt incoming projectiles with 100 kilowatts of energy and the Electromagnetic Rail Gun that can fire a bullet into space at Mach 7.

The scope and vision of the Navy research was perhaps best summarized by Rear Admiral Nevin Carr who said “We all, of course, want the multi-megawatt death ray.”

Godspeed, Rear Admiral.

[Wired]

A newly minted Billionaire Justin makes Brian decide if he’ll send his family on a one-way trip to space. Andrew reveals his brilliant escape plan for when a zombie apocalypse ravages his coastal hometown.

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Following up on our story from last week about the supposed time travler in the Charlie Chaplin film “The Circus.” According to this video from Discovery it was most likely a hearing aid that was popular at the time. Of course, that could just be what the ‘man’ wants us to think…

The beautiful dream of a bionic eye has come one step closer to mainstream reality when three blind patient regained sight after having a microchip implanted in their retina. This method is revolutionary as it doesn’t rely on a camera to transmit images to an artificial retina, but rather uses the eye itself to communicate the images to the brain.

Awesome.

[Independent UK via reader ITNinja]

This awesome octopus is known to mimic at least 15 known creatures; my personal favorite is the “furry turkey with human legs”.  Check out the video.

[Geekologie]

[UPDATE]

Credit due to EbonNebula for pointing this out 4 months ago. Thanks!

Curious as to how ruined our planet would be if Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck fail to push that massive asteroid off course? Worry no more! There’s a web app for that.

[Purdue via Reason]

When legendary horse Secretariat died, the veterinary doctors performing the necropsy made a startling realization. There was a reason Big Red destroyed other horses en route to the most convincing Triple Crown win of all time, his heart was gigantic. Over twice the normal size for a horse his weight.

Genome scientists have made a similar discovery with Ozzy Osbourne, thankfully without The Prince Of Darkness having to croak first.

Simply speaking: he’s the Secretariat of drug users.

… the most notable differences in Osbourne’s genes had to do with how he processes drugs and alcohol. Genes connected to addiction, alcoholism and the absorption of marijuana, opiates and methamphetamines all had unique variations in Osbourne, a few of which Knome geneticists had never seen before.

“He had a change on the regulatory region of the ADH4 gene, a gene associated with alcoholism, that we’ve never seen before,” Conde told ABCnews.com. “He has an increased predisposition for alcohol dependence of something like six times higher. He also had a slight increased risk for cocaine addiction, but he dismissed that. He said that if anyone has done as much cocaine he had, they would have been hooked.”

They also found some Neanderthal DNA, because, well why not.

[ABC News via Reason]

The human mind has no firewalls. Recently the 711th Human Performance Wing requested proposals examining “Advances in Bioscience for Airmen Performance” for advancing the deployment of extreme neuroscience and biotechnology warfare in the service of the Air Force.

But perhaps the oddest, and most disturbing, of the program’s many suggested directions is the one that notes: “Conversely, the chemical pathway area could include methods to degrade enemy performance and artificially overwhelm enemy cognitive capabilities.” That’s right: the Air Force wants a way to fry foes’ minds — or at least make ‘em a little dumber.

For any interested parties, the Air Force is warning the project “may require top secret clearance.”

[Wired]