No one wants to be the first person to die from anything. No one wants to choke to death while the smoke you’ve just inhaled in your lungs turns to acid. So can you have to be double cheesed off if you were among the Roman soldiers who were the first to die from chemical warfare in 256 A. freaking D.

Almost 2,000 years ago, 19 Roman soldiers rushed into a cramped underground tunnel, prepared to defend the Roman-held Syrian city of Dura-Europos from an army of Persians digging to undermine the city’s mudbrick walls. But instead of Persian soldiers, the Romans met with a wall of noxious black smoke that turned to acid in their lungs. Their crystal-pommeled swords were no match for this weapon; the Romans choked and died in moments, many with their last pay of coins still slung in purses on their belts.

It’s an awesome story which you should read right now.

[LiveScience]

Well, humanity had a pretty good run. Snakes have learned to fly and now we are on borrowed time.

Five related species of tree-dwelling snakes found in Southeast and South Asia may just be the worst nightmares of ophidiophobes (people who have abnormal fears of snakes). Not only are they snakes, but they can “fly” — flinging themselves off their perches, flattening their bodies, and gliding from tree to tree or to the ground.

…Socha says, “the snake is pushed upward — even though it is moving downward — because the upward component of the aerodynamic force is greater than the snake’s weight.”

“Hypothetically, this means that if the snake continued on like this, it would eventually be moving upward in the air — quite an impressive feat for a snake,” he says. But our modeling suggests that the effect is only temporary, and eventually “the snake hits the ground to end the glide.”

See what hell you have wrought Samuel L. Jackson. You’ve ridden the beasts from your plane only to force their evolution here on Earth.

[Science Daily]

Curious as to how ruined our planet would be if Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck fail to push that massive asteroid off course? Worry no more! There’s a web app for that.

[Purdue via Reason]

When our loved ones pass away we are often told that they will always be with us. Kim Mordue of Wales took that comforting advice a little too literally.

When her son passed away from a drug overdose, Mordue memorialized him in a most unusual fashion. She mixed the deceased’s ashes in with tattoo ink and had her husband give her a memorial tattoo with the mixture.

“I’ve put Lloyd back where he started,” she says, “he’s in my body again.”

This isn’t the first unusually artistic (and creepy) use of ashes in recent history.  When former Marvel Comics editor Mark Gruenwald passed away in 1997 his final wishes were that his ashes be used for a limited-edition print run of Squadron Supreme, a comic he wrote in the 80’s.

Do you know any weirder ways people have used the ashes of the dead? Let us know in the comments!

[UPI]

Wenseslao Moguel is the guy you never want to run into at a cocktail party…and not just because of his hideous, gag inducing face. In fact, he plays a prominent part in my worst nightmare, if not directly, then at least in spirit.

Imagine if you will: you’re regaling the audience at large with your adventurous tales of daring do. You have their full attention with the story about your time spent in Nevada racing ostriches, you weave a tale of wonder with your hang gliding exploits, finally you have their complete admiration as you outline you time spent living on the streets and on other people’s couches as you wander the country without any meaningful possessions like some sort of extremely selfish Kane. But then, it happens.

Wenseslao Moguel steps slowly out from the shadows letting light fall ever so gently on his disfigured face. Somehow, everyone realizes for the first time that he’s in the room and his mere visage brings the laughter and carousing down to a muted hush. He whispers just one sentence.

“I was shot nine times by a firing squad, and once more in the face to ensure my death.”

HOW AM I (er…I mean…ARE YOU) SUPPOSED TO TOP THAT STORY?!?1?!

Allow me to set the stage. The year: 1915. The verdict: guilty. The revolution: Mexican.

Wenseslao (or Wenny as the kids in the school yard presumably called him) is sentenced to death without trial for his role as a soldier in the revolution. After being shot repeatedly he manages to wait until his executioners leave and somehow makes his way to safety and treatment. (I can only assume he ran across the Mexican wildernesses equivalent of Dr. McDreamy’s skilled surgical hands.)

Wenny then went on to live a long and full life touring with the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum. Oh, and he had a song written about him.

Man, I hope he’s never at the same party as me.

What do you think? Do you have a story that can steal this survivor’s thunder? What four survival stories could possibly be weirder than this one?

Why is it that time travelers always so sloppy?

Whenever you hear of someone in the news evoking the time travel defense, it’s always for bad stuff like accidental deaths, murders or elaborate plots to kill someone who eventually ruins the planet. Or something.

Is it too much to ask for a man to come forward or backward in time and just mind their business? Take notes, talk to the natives, enjoy our flavored iced coffees and GTFO.

Then again, maybe only the sloppy time travelers are the ones who get caught merc-ing random civilians with bizarre tales like the one below. At that point the blame really lies on the supervisor that sent them back in the first place. Now all we have to do is invent a time machine so we can subpoena him for his clear negligence.

Towards the end of July 2009, New Zealander Mark Paul Warren, 26, was found not guilty, by reason of insanity, of killing two people in 2007 by driving dangerously near Auckland airport at Mangere. Warren, who had no licence, had been travell­ing at 166km/h when he smashed into another car; passengers in both cars died, while Warren and the other driver spent months in hosp­ital. After he told police that he had been in a time machine and needed to exceed 100km/h to become invisible, he was committed to a facility in Hamilton specialising in treating acute mental illness.

Read the whole story for a few more real life time traveller stories. And if you are reading this and are in fact from another spot on our time line, seriously, try the iced coffees. They are de-lish.

[Fortean Times]

In case anyone was worried.

Scientists from the Space Research Centre of the Polish Academy of Sciences, Los Alamos National Laboratory, Southwest Research Institute, and Boston University suggest that the ribbon of enhanced emissions of energetic neutral atoms, discovered last year by the NASA Small Explorer satellite IBEX, could be explained by a geometric effect coming up because of the approach of the Sun to the boundary between the Local Cloud of interstellar gas and another cloud of a very hot gas called the Local Bubble. If this hypothesis is correct, IBEX is catching matter from a hot neighboring interstellar cloud, which the Sun might enter in a hundred years.

We are unclear on what might happen when the sun passes into the cloud, but if it means this song is relevant again we are willing to deal with the side effects.

[Science Daily]

If Skeleton Lake is a spooky name, the story behind it is downright terrifying.

The short prologue, a British officer in 1942 happened upon roughly 300 skeletons surrounding a lake in Roopkund, India. But how could this many people seemingly all die at around the same time?

All the bodies had died in a similar way, from blows to the head. However, the short deep cracks in the skulls appeared to be the result not of weapons but of something rounded. The bodies also only had wounds on their heads, and shoulders as if the blows had all come from directly above…

Among Himalayan women there is an ancient and traditional folk song. The lyrics describe a goddess “so enraged at outsiders who defiled her mountain sanctuary that she rained death upon them by flinging hailstones “hard as iron.”

After much research and consideration the 2004 expedition came to the same conclusion. All 300 people died from a sudden and severe hailstorm. Trapped in the valley with nowhere to hide or seek shelter, the cricket ball sized hailstones “hard as iron” came by the thousands and killed the travelers in a sudden and bizarre death. The bodies would lay there for some 1200 years before the astonishing tale of what happened to them would be revealed to the world.

Insane.

[Atlas Obscura]

The magical Monet-esqe dreamscape where your soul mingles with the realm beyond, only for your Grandmother to pause her game of bridge with your pee wee football coach so she can tell you that your time on earth isn’t over, after all who else will leak a prototype of the new iPhone model? Yeah… all that near-death experience stuff? Oxygen depravation.

People who report near-death experiences have elevated levels of carbon dioxide in their blood and may be suffering oxygen deprivations, according to a new study published in the medical journal Critical Care.

The study, by Slovenian researchers, examined 52 heart attack patients in three large hospitals. Of those, 11 reported having near-death experiences (NDEs), such as movement toward a bright light, feelings of peace and joy, and profoundly spiritual moments during their heart attacks. Studies suggest that between 10 percent and 25 percent of heart attack survivors report NDEs

Boooring.

[Live Science]