In this episode Brian is forced to make a choice involving cannibalism and his family and utters the phrase that will haunt his children for years to come, “Cannibalism ain’t as bad as it used to be”. Andrew struggles to explain the Singularity so he can prove why he’s right and everyone else is wrong about aliens visiting us and we all fail miserably at imagining the world in 20 years. Plus we provide first ever proof that Harry Houdini made contact with the Old Ones of the Chuthlu Mythos.

Link: Ray Kurzweil’s TED talk on the Singularity University
Link: PDF of Beneath the Pyramids (Published as Imprisoned with the Pharoahs)

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The following report from over 100 years ago purports to be the first documented encounter between man and alien. It seems the aliens made a gross misjudgment in how much carry-on baggage they were allowed and were unable to take a human souvenir.

Reported by the “Stockton Evening Mail” November 25th, 1896.

THREE STRANGE BEINGS

“Were it not for the fact that I was not alone when I witnessed the strange sight I would never have mentioned it at all. Wednesday afternoon I went out to Lodi and Lockeford in company with Camille Spooner, a young man recently arrived from Nevada. I went to the places mentioned in quest of material to form an exhibit to represent this county at the Fresno Citrus Fair. We left Lodi on the return trip, I should judge, shortly before 6 o’clock, and we were jogging along quietly when the horse stopped suddenly and gave a snort of terror.”

“Looking up we beheld three strange beings. They resembled humans in many respects, but still they were not like anything I had ever seen. They were nearly or quite seven feet high and very slender. We were both somewhat startled, as you may readily imagine, and the first impulse was to drive on. The horse, however, refused to budge, and when we saw that we were being regarded more with an air of curiosity than anything else, we concluded to get out and investigate. I walked up to where the strange looking persons were and addressed them. I asked where they were from. They seemed not to understand me, but began – well, “warbling” expresses it better than talking. Their remarks, if such you would call them, were addressed to each other, and sounded like a monotonous chant, inclined to be guttural. I saw it was no use to attempt a conversation, so I satisfied myself with watching and examining them. They seemed to take great interest in ourselves, the horse and buggy, and scrutinized everything very carefully.”

WEIGHED LESS THAN AN OUNCE EACH

“While they were thus engaged I was enabled to inspect them as well. As I have already stated, they were seven feet in height and very slender. I noticed, further, that their hands were quite small and delicate, and that their fingers were without nails. Their feet, however, were nearly twice as long as those of an ordinary man, though they were narrow, and the toes were also long and slender. I noticed, too, that they were able to use their feet and toes much the same as a monkey; in fact, they appeared to have much better use of their feet than their hands. I presently discovered that this was probably a provision of nature. As one of then came close to me I reached out to touch him, and placing my hand under his elbow pressed gently upward, and lo and behold I lifted him from the ground with scarcely an effort. I should judge that the specific gravity of the creature was less than an ounce. It was then that I observed him try to grasp the earth with his toes to prevent my lifting him. You can readily understand that their slight weight made such a provision necessary, or they might be blown away.”

“They were without any sort of clothing, but were covered with a natural growth hard to describe; it was not hair, neither was it like feathers, but it was as soft as silk to the touch, and their skin was like velvet. Their faces and heads were without hair, the ears were very small, and the nose had the appearance of polished ivory, while the eyes were large and lustrous. The mouth, however, was small, and it seemed to me that they were without teeth. That and other things led me to believe that they neither ate nor drank, and that life was sustained by some sort of gas. Each of them had swung under the left arm a bag to which was attached a nozzle, and every little while one or the other would place the nozzle on his mouth, at which time I heard a sound of escaping gas. It was much the same sound as is produced by a person blowing up a football.”

OF INDESCRIBABLE BEAUTY

“From the description I give I do not want you to get the idea that these creatures were hideous. In appearance they were markedly the contrary. They were possessed of a strange and indescribable beauty. I can express myself in no other way. They were graceful to a degree, and more divinely beautiful than anything I ever beheld.”

“The strangest part of the story is yet to come. It is the lights they carried. Each held to his hand something about the size of a hen’s egg. Upon holding them up and partly opening the hand, these substances emitted the most remarkable, intense and penetrating light one can imagine. Notwithstanding its intensity it had no unpleasant effect upon our eyes, and we found we could gaze directly at it. It seemed to me to be some sort of luminous mineral, though they had complete control of it.”

“Finally they became tired of examining us and our horse and buggy, and then one of them, at a signal from one who appeared to be the leader, attempted to lift me, probably with the intention of carrying me away. Although I made not the slightest resistance he could not move me, and finally the three of them tried it without the slightest success. They appeared to have no muscular power outside of being able to move their own limbs.”

STRANGE AIRSHIP

“Well, after trying in vain to move either of us they turned in the direction of the Woodbridge canal, near which we were, and as they flashed their lights towards the bridge we beheld a startling sight. There, resting in the air about twenty feet above the water, was an immense airship. It was 150 feet in length at least, though probably not over twenty feet in diameter at the widest part. It was pointed at both ends, and outside of a large rudder there was no visible machinery. The three walked rapidly toward the ship, not as you or I walk, but with a swaying motion, their feet only touching the ground at intervals of about fifteen feet. We followed them as rapidly as possible, and reached the bridge as they were about to embark. With a little spring they rose to the machine, opened a door in the side, and disappeared within. I do not know of what the affair was built, but just before it started I struck it with a rock and it gave no sound. It went through the air very rapidly and expanded and contracted with a muscular motion, and was soon out of sight.”

“I have a theory, which, of course, is only a theory, that those we beheld were inhabitants of Mars, who haw been sent to the earth for the purpose of securing one of its inhabitants. I feel safe in asserting that the stories being told by certain San Francisco attorneys are clumsy fakes, and should not be given credence by anyone.”

-Colonel H.G. Shaw. Lodi California.

In this episode the brain trust can’t figure out a practical application for teleportation, has a heated debate over the ideal super fortress and almost comes to fisticuffs over the possibility that we’ve been visited by alien life.

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Check out this video that’s eerily remiscent of the 1980’s TV series V and District 9 (if the aliens spaceships were made from vaporous ice crystals and not actual technology…).

The Sun has an article here on it: Mystery UFO halo in clouds over Moscow | The Sun |News

Here is a link to the story about Hitler’s painting lessons aboard an alien craft, long before he became the power-mad dictator we came to revile.

Thanks to Matt Finley and VenomV for helping with the chat.

Today’s Weird Things chat is a probing look at the oddest interstellar kidnapping stories ever told. Spark up that fire in the sky, we’re looking for the weirdest Alien Abduction Stories in the world.

Here are the ground rules:

• They have to have been reported somewhere else first. No making things up out of whole cloth.

• PLEASE keep them as short as possible.

Email all submissions to JustinRobertYoung@Gmail. I’ll see you kids right here at the front page at 5:30 p.m. EST where we will hash out the ultimate champion.

Here is our baseline, as provided by Three Cheers.org:

The abductee is often told they were chosen to either help continue the alien race or that they are going through this to aid in salvaging humanity.

They are then often escorted to rooms containing humanoid babies or youngsters which are half alien – half human hybrids, they are then informed that some of these children are theirs and are enthusiastically encouraged to personally interact with them.

The truth is out there, we find it today at 5:30 p.m. EST.

Here is the trailer for a new documentary entitled I Know What I Saw, which attempts to gather the most decorated, credible panel of people who claim to have seen UFOs. Among those interviewed are military men and government officials from the US and abroad.

Thanks to John Houdi for the tip.

Please follow the cues for this YouTube playlist throughout the post.

In the sewers of North Carolina lies a strange creature. Pulsating and wiggling in the first video on this playlist. Could it be of alien origin? CHUD? A metaphor of a chemical society gone too far?

Apparently none of the above. According to the How Stuff Works blog this thing is called Bryozoa. It’s a 350-million year old primitive animal life form comprised of smaller, ickier life forms. Which brings us to video number two, as it happens, down on the Bayou they don’t take to kindly to 350-million year old primitive animal life forms. Watch as a pair of Bryozoa are blown to bits by way of a M1 Springfield 30.06 rifle. And Rage Against The Machine.

But just when things have come to a shocking conclusion, we get the cliff hanger. Those gun nuts got the wrong guy/thing. The inquisitive minds at Deep Sea News consulted an expert on Bryozoa and he claims the sewer video features a pulsating look at Tubifex (video number three, please) a collection of worms that normally are found at the edge of polutted streams. In the NC sewer video, he claims that they’ve gathered around each other and the movements are caused by one worm contracting, which stimulated all the others to move.

Credit to Brian Brushwood and Dodd Vickers for digging through this mess on Twitter last night.

“Smoke usually looks smoky”, truer words were never spoken. Has Ms. Deana Smith never heard of smoke rings? Though Ms. Smith thinks it’s a sign from god and the UFO expert thinks it’s an extraterrestrial visitation, it is probably just a special effect smoke from the volcano ride at King’s Dominion, pictured below.

It’s funny how the media reporters didn’t bother do go check if this was a daily occurrence at the park, if they had bothered to film the volcano ride itself, they would have debunked this mystery much sooner, but it’s more fun to say the ring was made by aliens….or god.

Volcano Roller Coaster at King's Dominion

Here is a full length video of the mysterious smoke ring sans annoying nine second commercial and newscasters:

The Gray Brothers were filming their latest documentary called “Supernatural Investigator : The White Mountain Abduction” when they became the luckiest film crew in the world.

They were interviewing relatives of Betty and Barney Hill, the first couple ever to come forward claiming alien abduction, when the lights appeared in the sky. Perfect timing, and even more perfect timing to promote the documentary.

Penn Bullock reports:

Look at these silver pinpricks soaring through the sky. The videos were reportedly recorded on June 4 and 7 over Kariong, New South Wales, Australia. Are they spaceships? One of the videos, kindly brought to light by Phantoms and Monsters, seems to be shot from the beach; the other from an airplane or even a military jet.

These pictures were purportedly taken by a Hungarian military pilot of a clearly-outlined white disc hovering in the clouds. Whether the videos and pictures are authentic or not, we at Weirdthings can’t verify.

Penn Bullock reports:

photo credit: Markusram

Last week an Air France flight disappeared over the ocean on its way to Brazil, while flying into an electrical storm.

UFOlogist Michael Cohen believes that the plane may have vanished into one of two UFO vortex exits over Brazil. Following this line of reasoning, the plane’s disappearance into the vortex portends much worse in humanity’s near future. Rumblings in the ether indicate that the aliens are planning an imminent invasion. Phantoms and Monsters reports:

It appears a race in the nearby Andromeda Galaxy has ‘discovered’ us. These ‘unmanned’ surveillance discs have made their way home at some point and reported back on our existence. The floodgate has opened.

South-West China as well as Siberia are areas where the vortex is tipped to move to shortly.

Let me predict: Sightings of UFOs by will be unprecedented over the next few weeks. We are at a minute to midnight in terms of ending our isolation. Open unilateral contact is months, weeks, days or even hours away.

We are about to meet our universal brethren: are you ready?

And when Michael Cohen provides the “highly credible sources” he claims confirms any of his theory, then set your phasers to kill.

An Oxfordshire farmer woke up one morning to find this epic jellyfish crop circle in his field (or so he claims). The farmer, R. Spence, has submitted that no one has access to his land, leading us to speculate that a race of alien Jellyfish are trying to make a bold political statement. Notice how the aliens have been getting far more ornate with their crop circles since the first ones started popping up in the sixties, we wonder why that is?

Since the dawn of civilization man has been asking the big questions: Why are we here? How did we come to be here? Is there a god? Is Bigfoot an alien?

Chris Noel, Bigfoot enthusiast, author and investigator may not be able to shed much light on the first three, but in an interview with the Tampa Examiner he tackles the big question of Bigfoot’s origins.

-For more great drawings and caricatures by Nick Worthey, check out his website.

A five-part series that tries to explain how to make the science of Star Trek real…

In an episode of Star Trek the Next Generation called the “The Chase” a long running problem in Star Trek was finally solved – Why do all the aliens in Star Trek look humanoid. The answer was not “budget”. It was that a race that lived 4.5 billion years ago seeded the galaxy with its DNA. Humans, Vulcans, klingons etc., all got their imprint from them. We kind of look like each other because we all look like some alien race from 4.5 billion years ago. Problem solved. But is Intelligent Design really a satisfying answer?

If we find aliens that look like us, what other explanations could account for them?

Kidnapping
Having to deal with a slightly more sophisticated audience that grew up watching Star Trek, the producers of Stargate and the producers of the television series had to come up with a simple explanation for there being humans all over the galaxy in present day time. Their solution was a popular one in sci-fi literature: We were kidnapped. Over the last 100,000 years humans have been relocated to the distant corners of our universe. Once there, they go about their business. Building monuments to their gods (Star Trek and Stargate) or becoming thriving interstellar civilizations more advanced than us on earth (Iain Banks’s The Culture).

(more…)

A five-part series that tries to explain how to make the science of Star Trek real…

An important part of the Star Trek mythos is the idea of mind-to-mind contact. Spock uses this to probe other people’s minds and even transplant his entire consciousness. Counselor Troi used it to read the feelings of other species. It’s a wonderful concept that has fascinated people since at least the 1800’s. Unfortunately, we’re no closer to it being real now then we were back then.

We can imagine all sorts of technology assisted ways to make this real, but there’s nothing sexy about your Vulcan girlfriend asking you to step into an fMRI so she can read your voxels (okay, maybe a little sexy). What we need are some organic solutions or explanations for brain to brain transmission that make the concept a little more plausible. (more…)