A Bullet In The Brain Is Worth Two In The…? [Weirdest Survival Stories]
Posted by Brett on June 18th, 2010Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.
If the playground taught us anything it’s that everyone needs someone to make fun of, if for no other reason than to feel good about themselves. That holds true even if your name happens to be Arkansas. Who does Arkansas crack wise about while hanging out near the monkey bars, pointing and laughing? Mississippi.
And, although both weird and awesome, today’s survival story sure as heckfire isn’t doing Mississippi any favors on the playground. I can hear the taunts now as Arkansas and Alabama high-five each other and look to New York and California for approval (who, of course, are too busy hitting on Indiana and Illinois to be bothered with southern shenanigans).
“HAHA! Mississippi don’t even use theys brains! We’d be deaderenadoornail if we was shot in the head! Right? *high-five*”
You guessed it. Today we’re talking about a good ol’ fashioned brain shootin’, right in Jimmy Hart’s hometown.
Tammy Sexton was asleep in bed, comfortable in the knowledge that she was safe and sound and that the restraining order against her abusive husband was as good as a George Zimmer guarantee that she would stay that way; when suddenly, much like a cheap suit, he was all over her.
After shooting Tammy once in the head, her husband, Donald Sexton, with a striking amount of foresight regarding the cleaning bills, then went outside and did the same to himself. Little did he know, not everything went according to plan.
When the police arrived sometime later they found Tammy with a rag to her head and an offering of a hot cup of tea. Which she had made. By herself. Alone. After being shot in the brain.
Turns out Donald’s bullet went straight through her skull making a clean exit and somehow only taking “bonus” bits of brain with it. You know, that part of your brain that’s just there for…um…decoration? Seriously. Not only did she make a full and complete recovery but she can still remember how to ride a bike and what the color yellow smells like. (I may or may not have made that last line up…)
That’s it. You’ve heard the five Weirdest Survival Stories ever told. How would you rank them? We have:
1. Wenseslao Moguel, shot TEN times by a firing squad (but not in the brain)
2. Ming Ming, the big eared chinese kid whose life was saved by his lobes
3. Miracle Mike, the headless chicken
4. Tillie Tooter the tough as nails old lady trapped in a upside-down car, and
5. Tammy “Extra Brain” Sexton.
Be loud and be proud, gang. I want to hear your opinions on this.
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June 18th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
I forgot to mention: Special thanks to Mike Hogan for passing along the source for today's story! Thanks, Mike.
June 18th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
In reverse order:
5. Miracle Mike (sorry chicken, humans only)
4. Ming Ming (as lucky as his grandfather was negligent)
3. Extra Brain Sexton (I wish I could be notable for all the worthless parts of my brain)
1A. WM (10 shots, including one to the face. When Chumbawamba sings, I listen)
1. Tillie Tooter (local angle, she flipped off of 595 near my hometown of Davie and I like so many other thousands drove by her helpless body unknowingly. Oddly enough, it was going East toward Fort Lauderdale where I'd hang out with the future publisher of this site, Andrew Mayne.)
June 19th, 2010 at 12:19 am
I think the real question in this story is if she uses the hole to scare off the next crazy husband.
June 19th, 2010 at 12:25 am
5. Ming Ming – for making people with ear piercings jealous
4. Miracle Mike – for proving you don't always need a brain to get ahead in life
3. Extra Brain Sexton – for obvious reasons ;p
2. Tillie Tooter – for crazy old granny persistence
1. Wenselsao – for getting that evil song suck in my brain.
June 19th, 2010 at 2:05 am
Okay, here's my 5 cents:
I'm having trouble deciding on whether my ranking criteria is “weirdness” or “badassery”. Maybe I'll just make two lists…
Weirdness
5. Tillie Tooter – Some people just survive out of habit.
4. Ming Ming – Lucky does not always equal weird.
3. Wenny – Bonus points for making scratch off of Ripley.
2. Extra Brain Sexton – The tea brewing gives her an extra bump into weirdville.
1. Miracle Mike – Come on, guys! Chicken on not…he was missing his freaking HEAD!
Badassery
5. Wenseslao – No
4. Wenseslao – explanation
3. Wenseslao – should
2. Wenseslao – be
1. Wenseslao – necessary.
June 20th, 2010 at 1:21 am
In the order of 'best story ever told at a party' they are ordered like this for me
5) Ming Ming, just because this would lead to alot of 'big ear' jokes after being told.
4) Miracle Mike, because owning a immortal chicken is almost as good as being that immortal chicken.
3) Tillie Tooter, BEST… GRANDMA… EVER
2) Tammy Sexton, because she taught me I don't need my whole brain.
1) Wenseslao Monguel, because he got shot 10 freaking times!
June 21st, 2010 at 6:35 am
Miracle Mike captured my heart right from the beginning.
Shot in the face? whatever, so was 50 cent.
Shot through the brain? pretty badass, I admit… but….
MIKE DIDN'T HAVE A HEAD AT ALL. NO HEAD.
June 21st, 2010 at 7:10 pm
THANK you! NO FREAKING HEAD, PEOPLE! How is that not weird?!
June 21st, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Good stuff. I like your criteria. Much smarter than two lists. You beat me.