Archive for the ‘Babysitter’ Category

Baby’s First Ball Gag? [Weirdest Inventions]

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Are you one of those people who, when confronted with a crying baby during a long flight, all you can think about is how incredibly satisfying it would be to strap a ball gag to it’s face and shove it into the nearest overhead compartment? (Me neither. And for the record, if you are…please don’t have children…) Then today is your lucky day.

It seems, every once in a while that rare individual comes along who not only has never had children, but only appears to know of their existence at all through second hand stories AND prides themselves in their self-titled position of “inventor.” Only that man (let’s call him Crazy Jim) could create, The Strap-On Pacifier.

I can only assume Crazy Jim created this particular product with hordes of armless screaming babies belonging to negligent parents in mind. (Wow, now that I type that out it kind of sounds like it would make an incredible B movie, right? Coming to a theater near you, Summer 2011: The Armless Screamers! “This summer, just because they’re armless does not mean they are harmless. WAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cue blood shooting out of ears and bursting crystal glasses.)

Seriously, I respect that babies spitting out their pacifiers is an actual issue but is their any chance that strapping said pacifiers to tiny little still-developing ears is a good idea? I hope Crazy Jim plans to sell them in conjunction with “safety tape.” (I’m picturing duct tape but with cute little piggies and sheep printed on it to use for swaddling your kid-let so they don’t rip their own ears off while trying to take the pacifier out to say their first words.)

Am I wrong here? Should you treat your baby like Tarantino’s Gimp? What are your thoughts? Most importantly, are there even WEIRDER baby/child related inventions out there? Share in the fun right down there in the comments!