Author Archive

Alien or Grandma? [Weirdest Alien Photos]

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest “True Life” Alien Pictures ever taken.

Partly in a celebration of the anniversary of the Roswell incident, partly because it’s a shortened holiday week filled with travel and partly out of sheer laziness, this week we will be looking at some of the weirdest “real” alien photos you’ve ever seen (and hopefully I won’t babble on about them for too long, thereby totally negated the timesaving ploy of only dealing with pictures this week and forcing myself to look inward for time-wasting faults when sporting an already severely weakened ego. Uh-oh. This is going to be bad isn’t it…).

Let’s get on with it.

This is one of my early favorites. Not so much because of its startlingly genuine looking appearance and believability as a really for real alien, but because of its startlingly genuine looking appearance and believability as a candid snapshot of my grandmother passed out on her couch after an all night Charles Shaw bender.

Honestly, the resemblance is striking, the glassy eyes, the lolling tongue, the feverish sweat…I love you, Grandma. We’ll get you help. I promise.

Here’s a little game we’ll probably be playing a lot this week: this picture is all over the internet but I couldn’t, for the life of me, find the initial source. If you can figure out where this picture came from and the story behind it please leave the answer in the comments section to win a genuine, long-distance, virtual pat-on-the-back!

Show of hands. How many of you think aliens 1) exist, 2) have landed on Earth, 3) have made contact, and/or 4) are responsible for Glenn Beck’s career?

The Perfect Murder…On Paper [Weirdest Murders]

Friday, July 2nd, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.

Sometimes the best-laid plans of mice and men…no, wait…that was Steinbeck. Nevermind.

Today we’re talking about Upfield. Arthur Upfield. More specifically we’re talking about one of his better-known pieces of crime fiction and the weirdness that surrounds its history.

While still trying to “make it” as a writer despite two mild successes under his belt Upfield took a job as an itinerant laborer on Australia’s well known Rabbit Proof Fence project while he tried to come up with a new mystery for his fictional detective to solve. It wasn’t unusual for him to discuss the project of the campfire with other itinerant workers and eventually, with some help, he devised (bum bum bahh…) the “perfect murder.”

He figured if you burned the body, sifted out the left over bone bits, dissolved them in acid and threw all the ashes to the wind then there would be no evidence left with which to convict anyone. Great idea for a villain’s MO, right? Except with no evidence he found his plot stuck again with no great way for his detective to solve the case.

Back to the campfire.

Enter Snowy Rowles, yet another itinerant and one with a history of burglary. Without much to add to the conversations he nonetheless listened to the stories.

Soon after, two men disappeared and somehow Snowy ended up with a sweet new ride that looked suspiciously like one of the missing worker’s brand new Ford. It seems Snowy decided to take this whole “perfect murder” thing on a test drive.

Three murders deep, however, he got a little sloppy and didn’t quite do all the necessary “throwing to the wind” that might have been recommended in Upfield’s book.

In an additional case of bad luck, the officer assigned to the case instantly recognized Snowy as John Thomas Smith, an escaped convict. Suddenly the detective had all the time in the world to scrap up little tiny bits evidence that may or may not have been vaguely reminiscent of people while Snowy (er…Smith) flounder in a jail cell waiting to be executed.

No word on whether Upfield was more upset with providing inspiration for murder or with being so poorly emulated.

The end.

That’s all for this week gang! Now for my favorite part…time for the Weird Off! Let’s see your ranks when dealing with some of the Weirdest Murders ever committed. We have:

1. El Shaka – The man who wasn’t murdered…until he was.

2. Michael Malloy – The bum who wouldn’t die.

3. The world’s first homicidal robot

4. Nicholas Cocaign – The would-be soul stealing lung eater.

5. The “perfect murder”…on paper.

Sound off!

Eat Your Heart Out [Weirdest Murders]

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the phrase, “Eat your heart out…”. As in, “Eat your heart out Google, there’s a new iPhone in town,” or “Eat your heart out Thierry, I just ate your lung.”

Right, well…something like that.

Want more explanation? I thought you’d never ask.

In 2007, Nicolas Cocaign’s lawyer TRIED to explain that the French attempted rapist was crazy. He TRIED to get the dude shipped to a psych ward. Unfortunately, when the prison officials refused, it was up to Cocaign to provide the actual proof.

That’s where Cocaign’s cellmate, Thierry Baudry, comes in…or exits rather. After stabbing Baudry repeatedly in the chest with a pair of scissors Cocaign finished him off by suffocating him with a plastic bag. (Why a crazy rapist had access to a pair of scissors and a plastic bag I leave up to you to try to figure out.)

Apparently satisfied with his attempt to prove his insanity Cocaign then set out to prove that he also had no anatomical knowledge whatsoever.

In an effort to absorb Baudry’s soul by eating his heart, our buddy Cocaign, managed instead to eat a lung AND two chest muscles. (I like to think that after finishing the lung he looked down, saw another one and with a quiet sigh, said to himself, “crap.” Before resigning himself to chowing down on the more centrally located albeit no more heart-shaped chest muscles.)

Fun fact: At his subsequent murder trial the lead juror announced the verdict by standing up and singing:

He’s a plight,

He’s a plight,

He’s a plight,


(Shoot. I promised myself no more Eric Clapton jokes.)

Your thoughts? Have any other weird cannibal/murder stories? (Or Eric Clapton jokes?)

Homicidal Robot! [Weirdest Murders]

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.

The wheels were set in motion on January 25th, 1979. Now it’s just a matter of time…

That’s the date that Robert Williams of Flat Rock, Michigan, during an otherwise uneventful shift on an assembly line, met his fatal demise at the murderous hands of (…wait for it…) A ROBOT!

Never before in history had a robot been responsible for the death of a human being. I like to picture that in the year 2025, a short ten years after the release of the hover board, in the wastelands of the new Robotopia will stand a monument to the robotic arm that crushed Williams for getting in its way while it tried to retrieve some vital parts.

No word on whether or not the robot had foreknowledge of Williams’s grandson becoming the leader of the human resistance.

According to an article on, “The jury agreed the robot struck him in the head because of a lack of safety measures…” Which I can only assume means the robot was a stickler for safety and eventually had all it could take of Williams’s careless work practices.

For those of you that say this one is cheating and not an actual murder, I say, “Time will shed full light on the truth and I for one welcome our new robot overlords.”

What are your thoughts on the coming Robopocalypse? What’s the best way to fend off a murderous robot?

Die Hard 5: Insurance Fraudier [Weirdest Murders]

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.

I’m going to be honest here folks, today’s story not only feels like a strong early contender for the number one spot in this week’s Weird Off…but may also retroactively take away Wenseslao Moguel’s title from the Weirdest Survival Stories Weird Off of two weeks ago. (Is it just me or was that an awful lot of ‘W’ words for one sentence?)

Michael Malloy was once known as the most durable man in history…of course, he was also once known as the town drunk, a hopeless alcoholic and a strong candidate to drink himself to death. So naturally, five friends took it upon themselves to take out a series of life insurance policies that would pay out the exorbitant sum of $3500 in the event of Malloy’s accidental death. (I should mention this all happened in 1933, so that’s almost $60,000 in real money.)

Since no one likes to stake their financial gains on chance, these five guys decided nature might need a little helping hand and started referring to themselves as the Murder Trust. It all started out innocent enough (Relatively speaking. Don’t get me wrong, they were trying to kill some homeless drunk for pecuniary gain.) with one of the Murder Trust offering Malloy an unlimited tab at a speakeasy in an effort to speed up the whole drinking himself to death process.

Apparently that just wasn’t getting the job done…so they started switching out alcohol for antifreeze.

Didn’t work.



Horse liniment?


Rat poison?!

Thanks to an iron stomach (and no taste buds?), he just kept coming back for more.

In an effort to up their game the Murder Trust started feeding him methanol soaked oysters and spoiled sardine sandwiches mixed with poison. (That’s the one that gets me. I’ve had sardines out of a can before and they almost put me down for the count…and those weren’t even arsenic flavored.)

Bottom-line: When all that did was give Malloy a shinier winter coat (I have no reason to believe that’s true.) things got serious.

One night when temperatures dropped to below zero the five really-wish-we-could-be-murderers fed our hero drinks until he passed out, dumped him in the nearest snow bank, took off his shirt and dumped five gallons of water on his chest. And finally, FINALLY, after Malloy died a miserable, frozen death, they were able to collect their ill-gotten gains.

Just kidding. He showed up at the bar the next day looking for a drink.

Eventually they settled on a more direct approach and just ran him over with a taxi. Once they set out to collect their ill-gotten gains however, they found it was difficult to prove his death without the body. Luckily, it mysteriously showed up at the bar three weeks later…asking for a drink. It seems they at least managed to hospitalize Malloy for almost a month on that attempt. Way to make progress, murderers!

Okay, for reals this time, they finally did, really for real, no take backs, kill him on their next attempt by sticking a gas hose in his mouth after he passed out drunk one night and successfully collected the policy…only to get busted by police because they couldn’t stop telling their friends the crazy story after a few drinks.

Final score: Michael Malloy 10; Murder Trust 1

Weird enough? What do you think? Was the Murder Trust doing it all wrong or was Michael Malloy really the toughest hobo who ever lived?

The Man Who Wasn’t Murdered…Until He Was [Weirdest Murders]

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville is bringing us the Weirdest Murders ever committed.

It was my favorite American author (well, maybe my second favorite) who once said, “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” Which would be a PERFECT analog to today’s story if just a couple hours after Samuel Clemens uttered one of his most famous phrases…he dropped dead.

In a startling display of topicality, hitherto unseen in this column, just two short days ago José Sergio Vega was murdered in his red Cadillac by an unknown gunman somewhere in Northwest Mexico.

“Pfft. Getting shot is not exactly ‘weird’, Brett.”

I hear what you’re saying, Mr. Disembodied Voice, and, I assure you, I whole-heartedly agree. However, maybe you just need to sit tight and listen to the rest of the story instead of being so damn argumentative and judgmental.

Here’s the weird part: Just a few short hours before “El Shaka” (That’s Vega’s rad musical nom de er…music) was shot dead he was giving an interview expressly to dismiss the rumors that he had been shot dead! (I can neither confirm whether he used the phrase, “Las noticias de mi muerte eran una exageración.”)

Apparently El Shaka is well known around the Mexican Country Music circuit (according to my Mexican Music sources, that’s a real thing) for performing “narcocorridos,” which are songs mostly about the amazing feats of Mexican drug traffickers. Not unlike a 50cent ditty but with less being shot in the face and more running drugs hidden in the headrest of a ’92 Civic across the border (I guess…).

The problem there is that seven such performers have been killed by rival traffickers (miffed by the power ballads extolling their competitors virtues) in the last three years. El Shaka’s lawyer however, seems to think he was being targeted for his sweet ride…

Regardless, kind of makes you want to stop going around telling people you’re not dead, right?

So, how excited are you for a week of weird murders? Got any you think need to make it into the final five? Most importantly, why do drug traffickers have so many songs about them that there’s actually a name for their style of music and I can’t get you guys to write one tiny little theme song about me?!

World’s First Functioning Crazy-o-meter [Weirdest Inventions]

Saturday, June 26th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

I think we established that you can always count on Japanese folk and the military to come up with some off the wall inventions but let it be known here and now and for the rest of time that there is only one place to go for a truly weird invention. The apex of oddball, the zenith of zany, the pinnacle of peculiar…the culmination of crazy, the…nadir of normal (I’m running out of steam here gang. I hope that was enough for you. OH, WAIT! One more…), the summit of strange; I’m speaking, of course, of Scientology.

It’s now more commonly know as the E-meter but the Hubbard Electrometer was originally used by L. Ron Hubbard in 1968 for a (*ahem*) scientific experiment with the intention of discerning whether or not tomatoes experience pain.

Crazy? Probably.

Ahead of his time? Definitely.

Maybe if we had listened to L. Ron when he told us he had proven that tomatoes effectively scream in pain when they’re sliced then we wouldn’t have run into that huge Killer Tomato problem we had just ten years later when they finally rose against their transgressors.

Woe is man’s hubris when confronted with the threat of mutant tomatoes with a taste for human blood.

Also, it’s worth noting that the Hubbard Electrometer is basically just a device that measures electrical resistance but with the not-to-be-trifled-with addition of an unproven assertion.

I could be wrong, but it feels like the Hubbard Electrometer is just one step off from me gluing macaroni to the side of a toaster oven and declaring that it can sort ghosts by height. (Hmm…I might be on to something there. Yeah…the Rounsaville Ghosterganizer, coming to a Target near you.)

That’s the last of them gang. What do you think? Who’s going to top the heap in this week’s Weird Off? Will it be:

1. The Solar Powered Bra

2. Military Vuvuzelas

3. Baby’s First Ball Gag

4. The Scan Toaster

5. The Hubbard Electrometer

What order would you put these weirdest of weird inventions in?

In other news: Our pushy and megalomaniacal editor here at, Mr. Justin Robert Young, has insisted that next week’s Weirdest Topic needs to be both topical and summer related…so he’s suggest Weirdest Murders of All Time. Get pumped, people.

The Toast That Launched a Thousand Ships [Weirdest Inventions]

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Sometimes an invention, although weird, is so inspirational, so brilliant, so ingenious that it can no longer be held within the borders of Weirdville and thus is compelled to immigrate into the welcoming arms of neighboring Awesometown. Today, I bring you, the Scan Toaster.

Not only does this fancy little contraption give your bread that golden and crispy crunch that we’ve all come to associate with a well-balanced breakfast but you can actually connect it to your computer via USB and burn in the image of your choice. Or lightly toast in, assuming it has the customary toaster settings that vary from not-even-warmed-up to burnt-beyond-recognition.

Okay, I’ll concede that in everyday life this peculiar product is nearly completely useless but join me, if you will, on a journey outside the box. This may very well be the most powerful creation ever unleashed in the known world. It’s like the goose that laid the golden egg and the atomic bomb all rolled into one little bread-burning package.

Need to keep the kids interested in breakfast? Easy. Burn yourself some Mickey ears on their Wonderbread. Need some extra spending dough? The Virgin Mary’s visage on a piece of toast is ALWAYS good for a few bucks on eBay. Looking to start World War III? Nothing like proclaiming to the New York Times that Mohammad mysteriously showed up on your toast one morning.

Let’s see the iPhone 4 do that.

What am I missing? How would you put this phenomenal piece of technology to the best use? Also, what other Weird Inventions are out there that can top this one? Also, Tomorrow is already Friday! Better start thinking about how the Scan Toaster measures up against, Baby’s First Ball Gag, Military Vuvuzelas and Solar Powered Bras

Baby’s First Ball Gag? [Weirdest Inventions]

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

Are you one of those people who, when confronted with a crying baby during a long flight, all you can think about is how incredibly satisfying it would be to strap a ball gag to it’s face and shove it into the nearest overhead compartment? (Me neither. And for the record, if you are…please don’t have children…) Then today is your lucky day.

It seems, every once in a while that rare individual comes along who not only has never had children, but only appears to know of their existence at all through second hand stories AND prides themselves in their self-titled position of “inventor.” Only that man (let’s call him Crazy Jim) could create, The Strap-On Pacifier.

I can only assume Crazy Jim created this particular product with hordes of armless screaming babies belonging to negligent parents in mind. (Wow, now that I type that out it kind of sounds like it would make an incredible B movie, right? Coming to a theater near you, Summer 2011: The Armless Screamers! “This summer, just because they’re armless does not mean they are harmless. WAHHHHHHHHHHH!” Cue blood shooting out of ears and bursting crystal glasses.)

Seriously, I respect that babies spitting out their pacifiers is an actual issue but is their any chance that strapping said pacifiers to tiny little still-developing ears is a good idea? I hope Crazy Jim plans to sell them in conjunction with “safety tape.” (I’m picturing duct tape but with cute little piggies and sheep printed on it to use for swaddling your kid-let so they don’t rip their own ears off while trying to take the pacifier out to say their first words.)

Am I wrong here? Should you treat your baby like Tarantino’s Gimp? What are your thoughts? Most importantly, are there even WEIRDER baby/child related inventions out there? Share in the fun right down there in the comments!

Can You Hear Me Now? [Weirdest Inventions]

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

A topic like this, sometimes you owe it to the world to pay lip service to the big clichés. Case in point, I think we can all agree that if there’s one group of people we know we can count on to come up with one of the weirdest inventions we’ve ever seen…oh yeah…okay…I forgot already…it’s the Japanese. BUT, if there are TWO groups of people then the second one is DEFINITELY the military!

Have you seen this contraption? I thought I had. Knowing that it came from the breeding ground of weird that is the military-industrial complex, I was pretty sure it was the lecherous King of the Isle of Jazz’s artillery, until I remembered my Dad had assured me at some point that cartoons aren’t real. (Heartbreaking.)

Back to square one. Turns out this thing isn’t designed to go to battle with the Land of Symphony, it’s supposed to be a little like a giant tinhorn. You know, those metal horns old people stick in their ears to hear better in cartoons. (Hmm…somehow it already came back to cartoons.) Except this particular phalanx of inverse instruments is meant to alert the old man on the other end to incoming enemy aircraft. (At which point SOP states he must shake his cane, mumble unintelligibly for 10-20 seconds, then suddenly shout, “…OR I’LL SHOVE THIS WALKIN’ STICK UP YOUR @$$!!!)

Unfortunately, I’m not sure how well this fancy little listening device worked. Can anyone tell me what country those soldiers in the foreground are from? If it’s Germany, Hungary, Bulgaria, or the Ottoman Empire my guess would be, “not as well as they had hoped.”

Regardless, eventually the old men were replaced with radar operators…

Military history is rife with weird inventions. See if you can’t find me a few more that out weird this one. I dare you.

Keep the Lights On, I Want to Charge My iPod [Weirdest Inventions]

Monday, June 21st, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Inventions ever conceived.

A topic like this, sometimes you owe it to the world to pay lip service to the big clichés. Case in point, I think we can all agree that if there’s one group of people we know we can count on to come up with one of the weirdest inventions we’ve ever seen…it’s the Japanese.

So now, the problem becomes, where do we start? Which Japanese invention will hold today’s place of honor firmly in position while adding the necessary support to present it in the best possible light? Which Japanese invention will simultaneously lift the bar and separate itself from the pack? Which Japanese invention will allow for the most gratuitous use of thinly veiled innuendo?

I bring you…The Solar Powered Bra! (I can’t help but feel this is the perfect time for Thus Spake Zarathustra to reach its crescendo.)

I’m not even sure what I love most about this. Is it the beverage holding pouch attached to either… er… chest… piece…? Is it the extra-literal use of the term “green?” The scrolling LED billboard?

Ultimately, I think I’m just happy that women are finally being released from the shackles of having to plug their cell phones into a wall to charge while they sleep. Every. Single. Night. How daunting.

Finally, they have the freedom to charge their electronics as they go about their business in the work-a-day world! Provided it’s sunny out. And they aren’t wearing any clothes…

Also, please don’t wear this current coursing corset out and about on a rainy day. Or wash it. Or…I better stop now.

What do you think? Weird enough for you? If you’re a girl, can you imagine wearing one of these? If you’re a dude, can you imagine wearing one of these? Can you do weirder? Impress me, Team. Let me hear your thoughts.

A Bullet In The Brain Is Worth Two In The…? [Weirdest Survival Stories]

Friday, June 18th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

skitched-20100618-161642.jpgIf the playground taught us anything it’s that everyone needs someone to make fun of, if for no other reason than to feel good about themselves. That holds true even if your name happens to be Arkansas. Who does Arkansas crack wise about while hanging out near the monkey bars, pointing and laughing? Mississippi.

And, although both weird and awesome, today’s survival story sure as heckfire isn’t doing Mississippi any favors on the playground. I can hear the taunts now as Arkansas and Alabama high-five each other and look to New York and California for approval (who, of course, are too busy hitting on Indiana and Illinois to be bothered with southern shenanigans).

“HAHA! Mississippi don’t even use theys brains! We’d be deaderenadoornail if we was shot in the head! Right? *high-five*”

You guessed it. Today we’re talking about a good ol’ fashioned brain shootin’, right in Jimmy Hart’s hometown.

Tammy Sexton was asleep in bed, comfortable in the knowledge that she was safe and sound and that the restraining order against her abusive husband was as good as a George Zimmer guarantee that she would stay that way; when suddenly, much like a cheap suit, he was all over her.

After shooting Tammy once in the head, her husband, Donald Sexton, with a striking amount of foresight regarding the cleaning bills, then went outside and did the same to himself. Little did he know, not everything went according to plan.

When the police arrived sometime later they found Tammy with a rag to her head and an offering of a hot cup of tea. Which she had made. By herself. Alone. After being shot in the brain.

Turns out Donald’s bullet went straight through her skull making a clean exit and somehow only taking “bonus” bits of brain with it. You know, that part of your brain that’s just there for…um…decoration? Seriously. Not only did she make a full and complete recovery but she can still remember how to ride a bike and what the color yellow smells like. (I may or may not have made that last line up…)

That’s it. You’ve heard the five Weirdest Survival Stories ever told. How would you rank them? We have:

1. Wenseslao Moguel, shot TEN times by a firing squad (but not in the brain)

2. Ming Ming, the big eared chinese kid whose life was saved by his lobes

3. Miracle Mike, the headless chicken

4. Tillie Tooter the tough as nails old lady trapped in a upside-down car, and

5. Tammy “Extra Brain” Sexton.

Be loud and be proud, gang. I want to hear your opinions on this.

In My Day We Had a Cough Drop for Dinner…and Liked It. [Weirdest Survival Stories]

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Everyday this week…Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’m going to get a little personal today.

You see, I work from home an awful lot and sometimes when I’m busy I tend to forgo other important tasks…like eating. It’s not that unusual for me to take my first meal around 5pm.

Why 5pm?

Because that’s about the time when, no matter how focused I am, my body starts to turn inward on itself, screaming for sustenance and threatening to begin digesting my stomach lining as punishment for my gastronomical indiscretions. It’s the time when, completely without permission from my brain, my stomach orders my hand to start dialing for pizza. It’s the time when the spasms start and I end up in the fetal position begging my non-existent intern to bring me a sandwich.


Tillie Tooter, an 83-year-old woman survived being trapped in her car with only a cough drop, a peppermint and a stick of chewing gum as rations for THREE DAYS. There are a few items here that I feel are worth reiterating.

1. 83.

2. Cough drop, peppermint, stick of gum.


4. Upside-down in a tree. (Did I not mention that part?)

Thanks to a hit and run while traveling on the freeway at three in the morning Tillie’s car was pushed off of a raised freeway in South Florida landing 40 feet below in the clutches of a mangrove tree. She dangled above the swamp for three days before a passing landscaper noticed her Toyota Tercel. (Possibly the most disappointing fact of the story. Shouldn’t some little old lady who’s tough enough to survive stuck in a tree for three days be driving a Hummer or something? At least a Suburu, right?!)

In addition to her, ahem…food, (which, let’s be honest here, is probably just the stuff she’d been keeping in her purse since 1983 to punish any grandkids who whine about wanting a snack.) she collected rainwater in her quilted steering wheel cover and a pair of socks she hung the window.

Also worth mentioning, she had no internet service in the tree and I could find no information either confirming or denying whether she was the daughter of Wenseslao Moguel, mother of Ming Ming and/or owner of Mike the Headless Chicken.

Do you know any old ladies that could take Tillie in a bare knuckled brawl? How does her story stack up against the rest of this week’s weird survival stories? Seriously, a Tercel?!

Earn Big Bucks… Like A Chicken with its Head Cut Off [Weirdest Survival Stories]

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Everyday this week… Brett Rounsaville brings us the Weirdest Survival Stories ever told.

skitched-20100616-204818.jpgAs I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off the other day, scrambling to find a great/weird survival story, I had an epiphany. In hindsight it’s a blaringly obvious epiphany…but an epiphany nonetheless!

For simplicity’s sake we’ll call this epiphany, Mike.

Once upon a time in September of 1945 Lloyd Olsen decided he was having chicken for dinner. Axe in hand he grabbed a struggling Wyandotte chicken named, Mike (Coincidence? No. No it’s not.) and, much like the mighty Casey, the air was shattered by the force of Lloyd’s blow…the chicken however, not so much.

Lloyd managed to miss the carotid artery and a fair chunk of the brain stem despite lopping off the better part of Mike’s head. The result?

EIGHTEEN MORE MONTHS OF LIFE FOR MIRACLE MIKE. And as we learned from our pal, Wenny the other day, not dying is worth its weight in gold. The Olsen’s began touring with Mike raking in up to $4500 a month via sideshows and fairs. But wait, that’s in mythological 1945 dollars. How much is that in REAL money, you ask?


Sadly, in 1947, Miracle Mike choked to death in his swank hotel room like so many other rising stars who burn too bright. But forget dear Mike not, friends and readers! Instead, honor his memory by playing “Pin the Head on the Chicken” or entering the “5k Run Like a Headless Chicken Race” at the annual Fruita, Colorado “Mike the Headless Chicken Day” held the third weekend of every May!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find my axe and some practice chickens in the hopes of paying my rent on time this month…

Ever seen an actual chicken actually running around with its actual head chopped off? Will this beat Wenseslao or Ming Ming’s stories in the Weird Off? What else have you got for me?