Check out the above video while we lament the state of popular media for ever allowing this to become news. From this incident we can surmise one thing about God: he draws like a five year old given crayons for the very first time. Though to be fair, salami might not be his best medium, toast has been shown to be a much more effective vessels for heavenly images delivered from on high.

We’re also glad to see that Nancy Simoes’ friends put her claim through rigorous analysis before accepting it as a bonafide miracle. As CBS4 reported on Nancy’s Neighbors comments:

“I totally believe her 100 percent,” said one neighbor. “Me too,” said another. For twenty years this South Florida family has fried salami as a breakfast meat. “We ended up all liking it. We just do it. No words come out. No letters. No circles. It’s just fried salami,” said Natasha Batista, who is the daughter of Simoes.

And that’s more than we need to conquer our incredulity. One point of contention, there are entities we know exist that like salami an awful lot. We think if there was anything paranormal going on here, the salami was trying to spell out the word DOG. A possibility apparently lost on Ms. Simoes.

You’ve all heard of the infamous case of the Virgin Mary Toast, but what happens when a holy image is seared into the cooking surface instead of the food? According to The Associated Press:

“The hottest thing on the griddle at the Las Palmas restaurant these days isn’t the food. It’s the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe that a cook says she saw in the griddle. Restaurant manager Brenda Martinez said more than a hundred people have flocked to the small town of Calexico on the California-Mexico border to gaze at the image since it was discovered as the griddle was being cleaned.”

There have been no photo released as of yet, because the griddle in question has been “enshrined” in a storage closet for the time being. But if you need corroboration, a Mexican Wrestler, known as Mr. Tempest, stopped by the restaurant with a group of other Luchadors on his way to a bout, and called the griddle a miracle. So to give you an idea of what we’re talking about here, on the right is the Virgin Mary Toast that sold for $28,000 on eBay. We hope this incident gets just as many spoofs as the toast, but images on a griddle seem a little harder to replicate than images on a piece of bread.