I’ve never been attacked by an alligator while fishing in the traquil marsh lands of central Florida, but if I was, it’s probably sound something like this.

Thomas Swiader Jr. found himself on the business end of an angry gator who leapt from the water, jostling the fisherman in his kayak. What follows is a string of fairly hilarious obscenities. THE VIDEO BELOW CONTAINS THESE OBSCENITIES, PLEASE BE AWARE.

[Fox News]

Santino is sick of your gawking and he’s determined to gain sweet revenge by tagging your forehead with a rock.

Santino is a chimp at Sweden’s Furuvik Zoo. He’d gained a reputation for throwing projectiles at particularly annoying visitors so one researcher decided to track his pattern. He discovered a evolving strategy that showed signs of forethought and improvisation.

Here is one of his plots…

“After a visitor group had left the compound area, Santino went inside the enclosure and brought a good-sized heap of hay that he placed near the visitor’s section, and immediately after that he put stones under it,” Osvath said.

“He also appeared to have placed projectiles behind, just before he went in after the hay. After this, he sat down beside the hay and waited. When the visitors came back, he waited until they were close by and, without any preceding display, he threw stones at the crowd.”

How much longer until he starts getting mail order packages from ACME?

[Fox News]

I think he might have some sort of vitamin deficiency. Second fox related post of the month for those keeping track.

[Animal Oddities]

“Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.”

What a malarky sentence. It’s never safe. Ever. Stop thinking that people. There will always be something in there to kill you.

Take this brand new sea snake discovered off the coast of Australia. It’s venomous and coated in spikes, just in case that first part wasn’t enough.

Though some other sea snakes have spiky scales on their bellies, “no other [known] sea snake has this curious feature,” study leader Kanishka Ukuwela, an ecologist at the University of Adelaide, said by email.

Normally snakes have smooth scales, but each of the newly named Hydrophis donaldi’s scales has a spiny projection, he said.

Scientists cruising shallow seagrass beds in the Gulf of Carpentaria (map) recently captured nine of the rough-scaled reptiles.

Seriously, the ocean is a soup of terror. I will never feel at ease until James Cameron personally murders all of these horrifying little goblins and any others we haven’t accidentally run across.

From here on out, I live my life by the SALTY LANGUAGE PLEASE DON’T CLICK UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR CURSE WORDS code of Chris Cooper in Adaptation.

[National Geographic]

After a man left a grocery store, a fox stalked him and would not leave the man alone until he gave the fox some of his food. This was a fully grown man, by the way, weighing in at over 200 lbs.

“Despite making attempts to escape, the fox persisted and carried out a sustained attack on the food he had just bought from Tesco.

Eventually, Mr Baker claims, he resorted to offering the animal his loaf of garlic bread and the fox scampered off.”

Everybody knows foxes love garlic bread. However, wildlife experts do not think you should give in and give food to foxes, but should try and frighten them away. Perhaps with a weapon of some kind?

“The best thing to use is a water pistol.”

Ah. OK.

[The Telegraph]

Kids do the darndest things.

It can be a full time job trying to keep foreign, sometimes disgusting objects out of their mouths. But what if you could use the disturbing habit to your benefit? What if your infant could be used to safe guard the rest of family.

Who needs a dog when you can count on your child to murder snakes and eat their heads?

Here is the testimony from Palestinian mother Ghadeer Aylan…

“I was tending to a bottle of milk for my child Adhmad in the kitchen. I found in his hand the body of a small snake, its head in his mouth. I didn’t believe my eyes, and nearly died from shock and horror and almost fainted. I screamed at him, but he didn’t understand. Neighbors came over and carried on removing the body from my son’s mouth.”

Young Admad was rushed to a hospital and was found to be totally healthy. And the most hardcore baby on Earth.

Huge thank you to Weird Things reader Josh Souliere for finding and translating this story.

[Daral Hayat]

It attacks cats and leaves thick scratches in tree trunks, but state officials aren’t sure what is roaming through the Fort Lauderdale suburb of Davie. Residents swear it’s a Black Panther, others are saying it’s more likely a coyote. Either way, it’s scaring the beejeezus out of locals.

Fearing another sighting, or possible attack soon, neighbors are taking precautions, including cutting down on playtime for some kids living near the alleged panther sighting.

“Ever since they heard there’s a panther, we can’t go outside by ourselves,” said Matthew Okun.

An animal trapper is currently on the case, tracking the beast.

[NBC Miami]

In what would go down as the earliest Comic-Con publicity stunt in support of 2012′s new film Amazing Spider-man, a venomous lizard was captured in San Diego.

The 2-foot-long lizard, native to the southwestern U.S. and northern Mexico, is being kept at a county animal shelter in Carlsbad until officials with the state Department of Fish and Game can devise a relocation plan.

“It’s very dangerous and illegal to possess without a permit,” said Lt. Dan DeSousa of the animal services department.

Although we cannot prove this an organic way to get Southern California nerds terrified of lizards, just like Peter Parker will be on July 3rd in 3D and IMAX, we do hope that Rhys Ifans finds it funny.

[LA Times]

It’s under the water. Just below the gentle, lapping surface near Olympic Park in East London. It lurks.

What it is, we don’t yet know. Aside from the apparent taste for fat Canadian Geese, not much can be confirmed as no one has yet to put an eyeball on it.

Witnesses alerted environment bosses after seeing a 16lb Canada goose dragged under the surface, with fears there could now be a pike, alligator or even a large python stalking the waters near the Olympic site.

The number of swans on the river and waterways near the newly-built £9bn Olympic Park is also dropping.

No matter what manner of beastie is currently snacking in the waters, we will suspect it’s still less terrifying than the official Olympic mascots.

[Daily Mail]

A man convicted of his wife’s murder will get a new trial for two reasons.

1) It has come to light that the, since fired, State Bureau of Investigation agent in charge of his investigation mishandled evidence in several of his cases.

2) A new theory, backed by several experts, that a rogue owl got into the house and triggered the wife’s fatal fall down the stairs.

A successful author, Michael Peterson was first convicted of his wife’s murder in 2003. The new owl theory hinges on a feather found at the scene of the crime and injuries to the head of the victim which specialists from the Smithsonian Institute say are consistent with what would occur if an owl was tangled in her hair.

The case, sans owl theory, was dramatized in the 2007 Lifetime Original Movie “The Staircase Murders” starring Treat Williams.

[MSNBC]

The person who uploaded this video swears up and down that the noise made when the zebra opens his mouth is that of the animal and not of he or his friend. I believe him. Because, why not.

25 miles off shore, this big lug (let’s call him Alfie) decides to ominously circle this fishing tourists boat. You know, just for the lulz.

It should also be noted that this video was captured on an iPhone. Which could have lead to the greatest interaction with Siri ever.

Tourist: A Great White Shark is circling my boat, what do I do?

Siri: Let me think… Yeah, you’re screwed.

[KING 5]

We’ve talked at length on the podcast about the intelligence and possible threat presented by Octopi. This will do nothing to bury those very real, justified fears.

Two deep-ocean species of cephalopod, an octopus and a squid, can go from transparent to opaque in the blink of an eye, a new study finds.

This impressive camouflage swap is an adaptation that likely keeps the cephalopods safe from two different types of predators. The first are deep-sea creatures that hunt by looking upward for prey silhouetted against the light filtering down through thousands of feet of water. The second are fish that spotlight prey in “biological” headlights. These fish use bioluminescence, their own body-driven light source, to hunt for food.

They can go invisible now? Maybe it is time to align with the sharks…

[Live Science]

Gigantic snakes in the Everglades aren’t all that rare. Massive pythons that make snakes out of full grown deer? A little more cause for concern.

Doe. A meal. A female meal.

Scott Hardin, exotic species coordinator for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission, says workers found the snake on Thursday. The reptile was one of the largest ever found in South Florida.

Hardin says the python had recently consumed a 76-pound female deer that had died. He says it was an important capture to help stop the spread of pythons further north.

76-pound doe? Fat kids playing pee wee football don’t weigh 76 pounds!

It’s a good these things are in a far off remote area of the country. Unless you live in a town within 10 miles of the Everglades. Like I do.

Then you’re screwed.

Dammit…

[AP]

Are aliens controlling the minds of animals in an attempt sabotage state of the art jet technology? Did a rocket scientist accidentally leave a pic-a-nic basket within sniffing distance of the woods? Did a lonely bear simply want to get a look at the latest in high-flying tech?

Whatever the explanation a 200 lb. bear was seen wandering through the Jet Propulsion Laboratory’s Pasadena campus.

[KTLA]

Red Hartebeest: 1 – Biker: 0.

That looked pretty deliberate on the Hartebeest’s part. Also looks very painful.

[Deadspin]

Two counties in Southern England have kept a disturbing secret since 2000. Big cats. Huge, killer beasts have prowled their streets. According to a Freedom of Information Act request, over 205 sightings in a ten year time.

Details of the phone calls range from straightforward details of times, locations and descriptions, to the somewhat strange.

One call recorded in February 2000, from the Roche area of Mid Cornwall, states: “Sighting of large cat-type creature. Caller stated that her son saw a large cat in fields behind their farm in the last five minutes or so.

“Caller stated that it has disappeared again but she wanted to know if they could shoot it, if seen again, or is it protected?” Seven months later, a member of the public from Axminster said: “The beast of Bodmin Moor is in the top of my garden lying down digesting his dinner. I called you 30 minutes ago re. this.”

Although reports have tapered off in recent years, there still remains the mystery of where these cats came from and if they are still lurking in the darkness. Waiting to strike.

[This Is Cornwall]

Brasil! Home of Carnival! Steak houses where they never stop bringing you meat! Sports fans! Random schools of piranhas that swarm beaches with no warning!

Three out of four ain’t bad.

In a scene right out of a horror-movie, complete with scantily clad bathing beauties screaming bloody murder, a swarm of flesh-eating pirahna’s munched on 100 frolicking beachgoers in Brazil this week. The bathers were subsequently treated at a hospital for bites on their heels and toes.

According to River Monsters host Jeremy Wade the attack was most likely caused by swimmers disturbing the resting period of the fish. That would mean the wounds were defensive and not predatory.

What a relief.

[Animal Planet]

A man’s home is his castle. The sense of satisfaction derived from looking out his bedroom window at night and knowing “these walls protect my pregnant wife and family” can provide the strength to carry him through the day. It is the American dream.

Unless.

Unless when you look out your window you see the ground move. You’d inch closer to get a better look at why this strange phenomenon is happening if you didn’t already know the answer. It seems the idyllic $180,000 home you purchased in rural Idaho is infested by thousands of snakes. Sliding through the grass, contaminating your well water supply and slithering inside the walls.

Your castle has been besieged by dragons.

Each day, before his pregnant wife and two small boys got out of bed, Sessions said he would do a “morning sweep” through the house to make sure none of the snakes had made it inside. That didn’t always work. One day, he heard his wife scream from the laundry room, where she had almost stepped on a snake. He rushed into the room to find that she’d jumped onto a counter.

“I was terrified she was going to miscarry,” he said…

At the height of the infestation, Sessions said he killed 42 snakes in one day before he decided he couldn’t do it anymore. He had waged war against the snakes and “they won.”

The Sessions family fled the home and now JP Morgan Chase who owns the property has delisted it for future sale.

Snakes, why’d it have to be snakes.

[MSNBC]

And now: taxonomic correction during assault.

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into a Hoquiam apartment and assaulted a man.

The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker said, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a martin,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend’s apartment Monday night where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left carcass behind.

[The Seattle Times]

Forget about the shapeshifters on the loose - it is being reported that monster rats the size of small dogs are killing and eating children in South Africa. The rats can grow up to three feet long and have inch long teeth.

“The monster rodents are as big as cats are thought to have killed two babies in the townships, according to the The Sun.

Three-year-old Lunathi Dwadwa was killed as she slept in her parent’s shack in a slum outside Cape Town this week.

Another baby girl died in a similar rat attack, on the same day, but this time in the Soweto township near Johannesburg.

Last month, 77-year-old grandmother Nomathemba Joyi died after giant rats chewed off the right side of her face.”

[The Telegraph]

“Rick Sheridan was working in his garage when he heard gunshots. He went around the back of his house to a pond, where he saw three police officers. The three officers had spotted the gator and were lined up on the bank, shooting at the large reptile.”

No words.

[Fox 4 KC]

After somebody spotted what they thought was an escaped tiger through a camera zoom lens near a country club, police in Hampshire scrambled a helicopter equipped with thermal imaging and a tranquilizer take down team from the local zoo. It was only after the downdraft of the helicopter blew the tiger over that everybody realized that it was just a toy. Whoops. Police are treating the incident as lost property and looking for the owner.

Golfers at County Golf Club were also escorted from the course and Saturday’s cricket game between Hampshire Academy and South Wilts was suspended for about half an hour.

Tony Middleton, Hampshire Cricket Academy director, added: “Rumours came round that there was a tiger on the golf course and we just carried on playing until a policeman came over and told us to clear the area.

“I assumed there was [a tiger] with everything that was going on, but we felt quite safe here.”

[BBC via Gizmodo]

Florida is where the magic happens. Also, don’t turn your back on the wildlife.

[Jalopnik]

Ollie Frisk and  four of his friends were skiing in the backcountry at the Härjedalen ski resort, located in northern Sweden, when Ollie unknowingly skied over a bear den which collapsed and sent him sprawling into the bear that was living there. The bear woke up and mauled Ollie, but he survived to tell the tale.

“But Ollie didn’t die. Instead, he says, he quit struggling as he accepted the inevitability of his fate, and when he did so, the bear simply stopped attacking him. A few moments later she wandered out of the lair, where Ollie’s friends made loud noises to scare her away. They then helped Frisk from the den, and back down the hill to safety.”

[Gadling]

Post-Katrina, there is only one gang that rules the once-flooded streets of this suffering city. You can hear their affiliation calls bounce off the battered houses through all hours of the night:

Cluck. Cluck.

Chickens rule this town! Feral ones that don’t scare from humans no more. So far they haven’t become violent. So far.

[NOLA]

As the family enjoyed their time in the outdoors, a 200-pound spotted eagle ray suddenly leapt out of the water and into the boat, landing right on top of Jenny.  The animal was so large and heavy, her family couldn’t get it off of her.

Luckily, a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission boat was nearby and heard the family’s screaming and came to the rescue.  Miraculously, neither Jenny or the ray seemed worse for wear after the four-minute encounter.

“[It] just latched on to my shoulder, and I went back and it’s a gray squirrel,” victim Kevin McDonald told the TV station.

McDonald was shoveling snow outside his home when the sneak attack began. “He was holding on. He wouldn’t let go. I was finally able to get him off, and as soon as I got him off, he just jumped right at me again.”

You wake up one morning and your Upstate New York house is covered in a thick yellow goo. What’s more? The same has happened to your neighbors.

Intitial theories pinned the blame on a passing aircraft discharging the foul spread all over the unsuspecting property below. However, FAA officials rule that possibility out after checking flight patterns.

The new theory, now backed up by the Lab of Ornithology at Cornell? Birds got into some discarded McDonald’s fries and nature took care of the rest.

‘We received a call this morning from a woman who owns a house on the same street, Washington Highway. She gave us her explanation because it happened to her last year,’ Lisa Kistner, a spokesman for the Amherst Town Supervisor’s Office, told ABC.

‘She said it’s actually because the seagulls eat fast food at McDonald’s, which upsets their digestive tract,’ Ms Kistner explained.

The seagulls were eating leftover French fries out of paper bags discarded in the parking lots, the woman apparently claimed.

And, Ms Kistner said, as soon as the woman convinced fast food restaurants to clean up the rubbish in their parking lots, she no longer had that problem.

The Cornell lab confirms it’s likely bird droppings but pin the blame on a migrating species entitled the European Starling.

Those are some angry birds.

[Daily Mail]

They are coming. They don’t like being filmed. They are the otters who will one day govern Boca Raton, FL.

[Sun-Sentinel]

Andrew uses the unicorn deception to trick Brian and Justin into accompanying him on the adventure of a lifetime where Yeti’s and Bears engage in mortal combat.

Subscribe to the Weird Things podcast on iTunes
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Download url: http://www.itricks.com/upload/WeirdThings102310.mp3

Brought to you by these fine folks:

TheVillageSwanson.com
@AdamCSmith
@BradArdley BradArdley.smugmug.com

And The Ghost Vision Viewer available on the Apple App Store

Links:
Pilot Mystery
Yeti vs. Bear
SpaceX.com
VirginGalactic.com

Recommendations:

Andrew:

and

Justin:

Brian:

Holy crap! That is all.

[Nat Geo]

Apparently some small monkeys are freaked the freak out by flying squirrels. Researches have noticed that the otherwise even-keeled creatures lose their s@#$ when they see one.

When Japanese giant flying squirrels glided over to a tree in the monkeys’ vicinity, adults and adolescent macaques started hollering at it threateningly, the researchers report. Young macaques screamed and mothers scooped up their infants, while adults and high-ranking males in particular went and physically harassed the offending squirrel.

Onishi said other researchers have observed macaques responding in a similarly aggressive manner to birds that prey on the monkeys, such as the golden eagle and mountain hawk eagle. These raptors glide and swoop much like the flying squirrels.

Even when the monkeys climb a tree to get a better look at these air-borne rodents they still start hootin’ and hollerin’. Can you blame them?

[Live Science]

And on Shark Week no less! In the interest of fair comment the YouTube description says that fatal shot was fired because the injured shark was going to be eaten anyhow, so this was a mercy killing.

Still… OMFG! This completely changes how I think about Jason Mraz…

[YouTube via Deadspin]

Remember the 1995 Sandra Bullock romantic comedy While You Were Sleeping? This story is nothing like that.

Paramedics in Vienna had a shock when they answered a call – and found a man “eaten alive” by maggots.

Ambulance crew were called out yesterday (Tues) after a woman rang to say her elderly partner was having breathing difficulties.

But when they turned up they found the man’s corpse covered in maggots.

Police spokesman Roman Hahslinger said today the 34-year-old woman had been arrested to clarify the background of the man’s death.

“She lived with the 61-year-old man for more than 10 years in Brigittenau district,” he explained, adding that the man had been bedridden and partially paralysed after a stroke some years ago.

Remember the Wham! song “Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)”? In light of this, they should probably tack on “…Or If I Am Being Eaten Alive By Maggots”.

Thanks to Weird Things writer Darcy for passing this along.

[Australian Times]

[CNN]

Where does, “Mommy, an alligator bit my hand off” rank in the Top 100 Calls You Never Want To Make?

[CNN]

So you’re a cute little monkey, scampering about the Amazon. For the sake of this discussion, your name is Joe. All of a sudden you hear someone yell, “Hey Joe! Nice haircut!” You look around, but don’t see anyone. What anonymous stranger is shouting compliments through the thick underbrush of the rain forest? Do they really like my haircut, or was it one of those backhanded compliments?

Lost in thought you make a left through a bush only to find yourself face to face with a gigantic jungle cat. You’re paralyzed with fear. The cat repeats his haircut compliment in what you now realize is just an uncanny monkey impression.

“By the way,” Jungle Cat purrs in his natural brogue. “Your hair makes your face look fat.”

And with that, you’re devoured. Victim of a deadly impression.

[Live Science]

Tracking down rumors of a “Spider Forest” in our own South Florida backyard, Weird Things editor Justin Robert Young and myself found ourselves ambushed whereupon Mr. Young was savagely attacked by a spider.  With Mr. Young locked in mortal combat with the beast, it was all I could do to shout encouragement and reach for my iPhone to try to capture the epic battle.  The climax of which is embedded below (Warning: not for the feint of heart).

As soon as we set foot in the forest we got the sense of foreboding that WE DID NOT BELONG THERE.  It wasn’t just the impossible number of spider webs and spiders that covered nearly every square foot of the forest, it was the sense that all of the webs were interconnected into one giant web that we had haplessly found ourselves walking into.  Every footstep into the forest sent a silent vibration on to the meta web letting the spiders know that prey had been ensnared.  A million eyes were upon us…

The deeper we went the darker it became as the foliage began to turn the forest into an arboreal cave.  The other animals one might find in the forest were deathly silent.  They were there to be sure, but moved around with a gallows quietness.  Further in it became apparent that we had stepped into a labyrinth from which we may never emerge.

In the black heart of the forest the attack occurred under most peculiar circumstances.  I was trailblazing and using my height to boldly knock down any webs that would impede our safe passage.  As I scouted ahead I heard a shout from behind.  I turned to see Justin punching into the air in a desperate attempt to defend himself from the vicious beast that was trying to devour him.

The spider moved too quickly to get an accurate description, but it was easily as large as my open hand.  I helplessly watched as the spider flew around Justin using its web to trap him.  No sooner would Justin try to swat at it then would the spider swing to the other side.  It became immediately apparent what the spider’s strategy was; like a great white shark or a crocodile that uses a victim’s thrashing to ensnare them deeper into their jaws, this cunning creature was using Justin’s furious energy to wrap him into its web so tightly there would be no escape and the spider could drain him of his vital life fluids at its leisure.

With the image of a comatose Mr. Young searing into my mind’s eye, knowing the spider’s devious intent to use its victims vain attempts to free himself against him, I knew I had but one solution: Render the panicked Justin Robert Young unconscious lest he trap himself so surely in the creature’s web the only escape would be through the shedding of his mortal coil.

I tried to plan the quickest and most humane strike.  A Ju-Jitsu punch to the head?  A Mui-Tai kick to the chest to knock the wind from his lungs, making him take pause?  All of this made complicated by my admittedly encyclopedic knowledge of martial arts techniques.  Had I wanted to kill my target the choice would have been immediately and the results deadly.  In this instance I deliberated for too long.  For this I apologize to Mr. Young.  My hesitation in striking him unconscious could have cost him is life.  A life I’m no doubt certain he would gladly sacrifice in the service of Weird Things, but a life stricken down too soon no less.

Instinctively pulling my iPhone from my pocket to capture this conflict, the spider suddenly changed its tactics.  It became clear that it had not been aware of my presence.  This is not an uncommon occurrence.  It’s been said that I have a preternaturally stealthy manner not unlike those invisible masters of Ninjitsu.  Some of this is second nature to me, part of it is due to training I received in certain places from people to whom I have sworn secrecy.  Once the spider sensed that I was there and all eight of its cruel eyes were locked on me its attack became a retreat.  In the presence of a greater predator it knew this battle could not be won.  For sure his plan to incapacitate Mr. Young was almost complete, but the moment I materialized into view it knew its hope of devouring Mr. Young unmolested was lost.

As quickly as it appeared, the spider faded back into the forest.  I had to resist every urge to leap off the trail chase after it and kill the beast out of loyalty to my friend, but vengeance had to be put on hold to make sure that Mr. Young was indeed okay.  As we made sure that he hadn’t been bitten and injected with some deadly venom, I realized that chasing after the creature would have been a very bad idea.  Its retreat could have been a ploy to separate the two of us to divide our efforts to defend ourselves.  My bloodlust impulse to seek out the foul creature and drive my fists into it carapace had to be abated.  Now was the time for logic and reason.

We hastily made our exit.

In retrospect we are left with several questions.  Since I was in the advance we know that the spider was laying in wait to attack.  There was no web for Mr. Young to step into.  Was this attack a genuine attempt?  Or was it a feint to test our defenses?  While my catlike ability to prowl unobserved may explain why the spider didn’t sense me and attack, it still doesn’t confidently explain why I wasn’t attacked at any point even though I was in the lead throughout the expedition.

I suspect the ambush was the forest as a whole trying to find out if it could pick off our party one by one from the rear until we were all ensnared.  Unsure of our who or what we were, it sacrificed one spider to find out.  I cannot say for sure what it made of us.  Clearly it saw Mr. Young as prey.  As for myself, I have no idea if it saw me as prey or predator.  I do know that I am happy that we escaped with our lives intact.  And next time, and there will be a next time, we will step into the forest more aware of its treachery and have perhaps some of our own to offer up in response.

In the meantime, although Mr. Young seemed unscathed beyond physical exhaustion from the ordeal, psychological speaking it was quite traumatic.  I know he would appreciate your well wishes to a speedy mental recovery.  Please let him know in the comments below that your thoughts are with him.

Peruvian researchers have pieced together the remains of what could have been the ultimate whale killing machine. Introducing Leviathan melvillei…

A team of researchers recovered 75% of the animal’s skull, complete with large fragments of both jaws and several teeth. On the basis of its skull length of 3 metres, they estimate that Leviathan was probably 13.5–17.5 metres long, within the range of extant adult male sperm whales (Physeter macrocephalus).

Its largest teeth, however, are more than 36 centimetres long — nearly 10 centimetres longer than the largest recorded Physeter tooth.

Modern sperm whales lack functional teeth in their upper jaw and feed by suction, diving deep to hunt squid. Conversely, Leviathan had massive teeth in both its upper and lower jaws, and a skull that supported large jaw muscles. It may have hunted like raptorial killer whales, which use their teeth to tear off flesh.

Hard. Core.

[Nature]

Dolphins emit a calming noise that notifies all other dolphins to chill out when dolphin emotions run high and a dolphin fight is about to break out… dolphin-sytle.

The burst-pulsed sounds are used “to avoid physical aggression in situations of high excitement, such as when they are competing for the same piece of food, for example,” said lead researcher Bruno Díaz of the Bottlenose Dolphin Research Institute in Sardinia.

Bottlenose dolphins make longer burst-pulsed sounds when they are hunting and at times of high aggression, he said, and these calls allow each individual to maintain its position in the hierarchy.

“Burst-pulsed sounds are used in the life of bottlenose dolphins to socialize and maintain their position in the social hierarchy in order to prevent physical conflict, and this also represents a significant energy saving[s],” Díaz said.

So next time things are about to break down at a bar late night, make like a dolphin and croak out a low burst-pulse sound. Then leave the story of what happened in the comments.

[Live Science]

Weird Things Live: Hunting the Night Creeper from Andrew Mayne on Vimeo.

Last Monday night in front of a live internet audience we set out to solve the mystery of the Night Creeper. Ghost? Frogman? Or something else? Although we’re pretty sure we figured it out, we haven’t definitively proved our theory. The mystery continues…

Running time 55 minutes.

Check out our photos of the scene on Flickr.

My bet is on pterodactyl.

[io9]

Welcome to Indonesia, where safety is job one on our construction sites. Make sure you wear your hard hat and goggles at all times and stiffen up that right cross for the occasional lizard attack.

JAKARTA, Indonesia – An Indonesian worker freed himself from an attacking Komodo dragon by punching the reptile’s snout until it released him and ran away, a national park official said Monday.

Agustinus Jenaru, 20, was working inside an unfinished wooden bungalow on Rinca island when the 6.5-foot (two meter) lizard entered and bit onto his left hand on Saturday, said Komodo National Park official Daniel Bolu Ngongo.

Jenaru hit the jaws of the giant lizard for several seconds until it freed him. Jenaru was taken to a clinic for treatment of lacerations and a puncture wound.

…and beyond that, no one is sure if that lizard was even union.

[AP]

No one expects to Sget their camera stolen by an octopus. Which makes it the perfect crime…

[Stuff.co.nz via Pharyngula]

The trio determines what would force them to become vigilantes. Andrew describes his frightening superhero creation that involves deranged circus animals and human dismemberment. Brian tries to retcon the creation in a most horrific way.

Subscribe to the Weird Things podcast on iTunes
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Download url:

http://www.itricks.com/upload/WeirdThings021210.mp3

Florida is under attack from giant snakes. If that’s not bad enough, in a turn fit for the SyFy channel, authorities now worry that different breeds of python may be merging together into some new kind of “super snake”. From the Sun-Sentinel:

…state environmental officials worry that the rock python could breed with the Burmese python, which already has an established foothold in the Everglades. That could lead to a new “super snake,”…

The rock python, native to Africa is know for eating crocodiles and even children. If it breeds with the more common Burmese python, the hybrid could end up being even meaner and larger than either individual species.

The semi-good news is that the cold weather is bringing them out into the open and killing a few off. The bad news is that we might be left with really hardy snakes seeking out warm places. Did we mention that Weird Things HQ is located in Florida right off a canal?

link: Pythons in Everglades: African rock pythons add to worries about snakes in Everglades – South Florida Sun-Sentinel.com

The crew of the Diasan Shinsho-maru were plunged into the ocean off the coast of Japan when they tried to haul in their net filled dozens of giant jellyfish.

Each of the jellyfish can weigh up to 200 kg and waters around Japan have been inundated with the creatures this year. Experts believe weather and water conditions in the breeding grounds, off the coast of China, have been ideal for the jellyfish in recent months.

Lately the Sea of Japan has been invaded by the giant creatures. Overfishing of their natural predators is one probable cause.

Giant creatures brought on by environmental damage wreaking havoc on Japan; what an interesting story point…

link: Japanese fishing trawler sunk by giant jellyfish – Telegraph

Giant Jellyfish: Arctic Lion’s Mane | Cyanea capillata

After thorough forensic analysis of the remains of the lions featured in the film Ghosts in the Darkness (based in part on the book The Man-eaters of Tsavo – which I kid you not, was bedtime reading in my household growing up), researchers from University of California, Santa Cruz have concluded that the murderous pair of lions only ate 35 people and not the 135 some had reported.

By looking at isotopes in the teeth of the lions (currently on display at the Chicago Field Museum) scientists were able to put together a very detailed picture of the lions eating habits:

The results suggest that during the final months of what John Patterson described as the lions’ “reign of terror,” fully half of one lion’s diet consisted of humans, with the balance made up of mid-sized grazing animals such as gazelles and impala. Strikingly, the other lion ate very few humans, subsisting instead on herbivores. That dietary disparity leads Dominy and Yeakel to infer that the Tsavo lions worked together to scatter everyone, both humans and wild game, setting the stage for one to gorge on humans and the other to feed on herbivores.

While some may say that 35 or 135 is really just detail, especially since the research only shows how many humans the lions *ate* and not just murdered, it’s a fascinating example of how modern science can be used to look at historical accounts.

Reference: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences

UCSU: Legendary “man-eating” lions of Tsavo likely ate about 35 people–not 135, say scientists

Tsavo maneaters – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sea Monsters are awesome. What’s even more awesome than that? Live blogging your investigation of said sea monster in 1855! How is that even possible? In 1855 the New York Times was on the cutting edge of tech journalism utilizing telegraphs and locomotives to report the news live from the scene:

Having received this morning very private information, a vague account of the discovery of another sea-serpent near our city, we immediately dispatched seventeen of our reporters to the spot, having first “chartered” the “exclusive” right of the telegraph, and eleven locomotives.

By securing an communications connection via telegraph, reporters were able to send back a blow-by-blow account of their investigation as it unfolded.

Two minutes past 10 o’clock A.M – Serpent’s head seen – struck at one of the party with a stick – blow missed – terrible splashing.

One o’clock P.M. – Serpent showing himself frequently; struck at by Zedekiah Hornbush; club hit Zeke Williams; fight; puddle very rily.

Two o’clock P.M. – Serpent hit by a boy with a stone; dove when hit with a triple bellow – (that sounded as if it came from a neighboring pasture,) rose to surface again; hit by Dutchman; blood flowing from Serpent’s nose; awful scene; contortions of reptile; final capture.

What was this mysterious creature that Zedekiah and Zeke fearlessly confronted with their clubs? The report doesn’t quite get into specifics other than to say it may be of the “Garter” species – which suggests that it’s what we call a Garter snake today. They point out that there is no doubt he was in some relation to the Serpent that tempted Eve, “as he looks very wicked”. Wicked indeed. Remember this was four years before Darwin published The Origin of Species.

The story is a fascinating read and well worth checking out: Sea-Serpent in Wisconsin–another Monster–Terrible… – View Article – The New York Times

Inspired by this and recent accounts of a nearby sea monster, the Weird Things staff is contemplating live blogging its own expedition to find such a creature. We’ll keep you posted.

Hans Rollman, professor of Religious Studies at Memorial University of Newfoundland, writing for the Telegram has shared some details about Newfoundland sea monster lore. The best part? These are amphibious man eaters!

A sea creature of considerable ferocity is also known to the Inuit of Labrador. Nennorluk derives its name from the polar bear (Nennok, nanuk), but the Inuktitut affix “luk” indicates its evil intent. One of the earliest mentions of the Labrador Nennorluk appeared in David Crantz’s “History of Greenland.” Crantz, preserving a 1773 tradition from Nain, says that the legendary amphibious creature “hunted and devoured the seals.” Each of its ears was “large enough for the covering of a capacious tent.” Worse yet, the “beast did not scruple to eat human flesh, when he came on shore.”

link: The Telegram – St. John’s, NL: Columns | Newfoundland and Labrador sea monsters

In the NBA, they’re called crossovers or ankle breakers. An offensive player moves convincingly enough one way that a defender follows, only to realize he’s been had when the ball handler darts the opposite direction.

Enter the Tentacled Snake: the And 1 Mixtape baller of the Homalaspinae group of colubrids.

As illustrated in this video, TS is known to body fake snakes into fleeing the wrong direction, namely into the predator’s mouth.

Thanks to Weird Things reader Dodd Vickers for the video.

Bees decided to derail the ninth inning of a Major League Baseball game at PETCO Park yesterday in San Diego. According the MLB.com, a swarm of over 2000 flew into the stadium from center field, over the seats in left before settling into a jacket which was quickly abandoned by a ball girl.

The game was delayed, a local bee keeper was called and the game was resumed after a 52-minute delay.

Amusingly, MLB.com got comment form the manufacturer of the jacket which apparently served as a fun new hive for the swarm.

“To our knowledge this is the first time that bees have swarmed Majestic on-field MLB apparel,” Majestic said in a statement. “We can only guess that the bees are attracted as Major League players to the warmth and comfort of our performance fabrics.

“However, players and fans should rest assured that our product testing has shown no risk from swarming bees. We regret the inconvenience and Majestic will be providing the affected ballgirl a replacement jacket shortly.”

Good to know.

Image Credit: Alison Smith

For those of you that didn’t check out Der Spiegel’s headlines for today, you might have missed the title of this article:

Man Uses Live Swan to Beat up Victim

We did a double take too. According to Der Spiegel: the assailant, a Mr. Sebastian P., grabbed a passing swan from the bank of the River Munich by the neck and wielded it like a club, repeatedly striking his victim with the feathery armament. His victim, an east German tourist identified as Steven L., was not harmed in the altercation, nor was the winged billy club used in the beating. The assault weapon flew away unharmed.

Now you can write this off as random drunken Germans beating each other with the most convenient hitting implement, or you could take a closer weirdthings look. We believe this was no mere drunken shenanigan.

There is only one ancient order that is trained in the art of hand to swan combat:

Ninjas!

Mr. Sebastian P. was obviously a very skilled practitioner of the ancient Japanese martial art of Swankuri. Why Swans? Think about it, swans are the perfect weapon. They are easily trained, heavy and dangerous when wielded by a professional. They are all terrain and easily transported (they cans swim and fly). And best of all, they blend in with their natural surroundings so your victim is none the wiser, until you open up a can of whoop-beak on em and by then it’s too late. Then you simply put the swan down calmly, walk away, and watch your murder weapon fly off into the sunset, setting off for it’s next post.

….But seriously….a swan…come on Munich.

Local fisherman around Vietnam’s Lake Rung suspected changing weather patterns were the culprit when fish started dying off in large numbers last year. When they headed out last month to collect fish they caught around two tons of a strange, blob like, creature. The fish caught along side the blobs perished soon afterward. Touching the blobs brought itchiness and sore eyes Thanh Nien News reports:

“We didn’t know if they were animals or plants and began called them the “strange creature,” Xuan said.

She showed a bucket containing some bryozoans, adding that they had died after being caught a day earlier.

Yen, a worker at the cooperative, said the strange creatures stick themselves to the plants, bags, or the lake floor. He also said some were as small as a finger-tip but others weighed almost a kilogram.

That’s right, the fish-killing blobs are bryozoans. Byrozoans are tiny coral like animals that usually form rigid, calcium carbonate structures in salt water. This particular batch are known as Pectinatella magnifica and are a rare, gelatinous freshwater form of the species that can grow up to two meters. According to Vietnamese authorities, these massive blobs are a first in the nation of Vietnam and the government is working to contain the outbreak from spreading to other village lakes.

Image Credit: AAP

The crocodile hood ornament these Papua New Guinea men are sporting on the front of their car was not a gift from Pimp-My-Polynesian Ride. It’s a killer 13 foot female crocodile that has been terrorizing their village in Madang Province. They lured the beast to its death in the Gum river with a piece of lamb on a giant hook.

Rumor has it that seven locals have been murdered by the reptile and the young men pictured utilized techniques their people had used for many croc hunting centuries to subdue the brute. They then sent DNA samples off for testing in Australia, hoping to prove that this was the croc who claimed the latest victim, a 17 year old girl.

Steve Irwin would be proud.

Also, a male rumored to be her mate is still at large….could they have caught….the wrong croc?

Queensland, Australia: Massive spiders have been invading the outback town of Bowen in recent days. Heavy, unseasonal rain has driven hordes of usually shy, behemoth Eastern Tarantulas (barking spider/bird eating spider) out of their hiding places in the brush onto the streets of Bowen. Local pest control experts have been hitting payday as thousands of calls ring in from around the town from desperate locals looking to get rid of the gargantuan arachnids. Eastern Tarantulas are among the world’s largest spiders as you can see in the video below:

Cottonwood, Arizona locals hanging out at Chaparral Bar had their evening rudely interrupted by an unwelcome whisker clad intruder. As you can see from the bizarre security camera footage above, the cat attacked and injured two patrons. We bet the guys hanging out at the bar have never been so freaked out by a cat fight before. Some fled, some jumped up on stools and tables and some grabbed pool sticks to defend themselves in what must have been quite a scene.

The cat knows how to make an entrance, we’ll give it that. This wasn’t the bobcat’s first stop on its night out on the town. A woman phoned police from a Pizza Hut after she was scratched by the animal and when police got a second call around 11 pm informing them that an underage felid was wreaking havoc down at The Chaparral, they caught up with the beast in the parking lot, where they shot and killed it. Let this be a warning to all Bobcats who want to go out for dinner and drinks: steer clear of Cottonwood, Arizona.

A big cat, caught on tape, has been attacking livestock in Poland, freaking out local farmers and residents. Poland doesn’t have much in the way of big cat populations, so a mystified group from the Krakau Zoo took hair samples from dead animals to determine the beast’s origins.

Turns out it’s a Snow Leopard. You might recognize the Snow Leopard from the BBC Series ‘Planet Earth’, in which a camera crew spent three months in the mountains of Afghanistan to capture seven seconds of footage of the endangered felid. We bet the BBC team is going to be miffed this week when they find out that some Pole with a camcorder got as much footage as they did without risking life and limb.

photo credit: newagecrap

So how in the world did a Snow Leopard, indigenous to the mountainous Central Asian region, wind up so far away from home?

The above image shows the Snow Leopard’s natural trekking grounds, this particular Snow Leopard is roughly 2500 miles out of its element. So we’re guessing it either walked a very long way without being spotted up until now, or it escaped from somewhere. There are over 230 captive Snow Leopards in Europe and here at weirdthings.com, we’d like to think that someone at an Eastern European zoo is too embarrassed to tell their boss that they lost the leopard.

Our thoughts go out to the frightened farmers of Poland, while local radio continues to give big cat warnings, telling people to stay in doors after dark.