Find the Fiend

Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a.) This gilled, razor-clawed man-fish is known for terrorizing day-tripping teenagers.

b.) This legendary monster can supposedly be summoned by witches to enact revenge upon those who have wronged its summoner.

c.) Though human, this ruthless, burly killer is alleged to have had all of his teeth replaced with those of a ferocious dog.

Answer AFTER THE JUMP

The correct answer is a.)

A dead ringer for the Creature From the Black Lagoon, the Thetis Lake Monster has, on two occasions, appeared to visitors of Victoria, British Columbia’s Thetis Lake conservation area: once on August, 22, 1972, when it burst forth from the lake and chased two beach-combing adolescents, one of whom suffered a laceration to the hand when the monster slashed at him with its grotesque, unmanicured fin-claws; then, on August, 26, 1972, when two adults watched a strange, reptilian creature emerge from the lake, take stock of its surroundings, and gently ease its way back into the water.

In truth, there are likely two separate solutions to the mystery of the fearsome Canuck gillman. On the same day that two grown men looked on in knock-kneed terror as the ferocious manphibian evil-eyed its tranquil surroundings, the local paper got word that a man had lost his pet Tegu lizard – a four-foot long, carnivorous bruiser that seemed a likely match for the witnesses’ kill-crazed, but otherwise sedate, lake-dwelling antagonist. Subsequently, one of the boys who had allegedly played blood tag with the aquatic miscreant reported that he and his lollygagging buddy had fabricated the entire encounter because it was probably either perpetrate a cryptozoological hoax or eat ham sandwiches with their moms.

Statement b.) described Pumpkinhead from late special effect maven Stan Winston’s directorial debut, “Pumpkinhead.” A witch calls Pumpkinhead out of his sinister pumpkin patch to help Lance Henriksen get revenge on the teenage miscreants who accidentally killed Henriksen’s young son. The resurrection of the ancient vengeance demon swiftly reveals itself to be the worst Plan A on record. That having been said, I do like to imagine Pumpkinhead is what Linus van Pelt is actually waiting for and that, once present, will slaughter the rest of the Great Pumpkin-doubting Peanuts gang. But leave Schroeder alive long enough to the play the music… because Pumpkinhead doing the Snoopy dance? (The answer to this question can only be expressed by my expectant grin.)

Statement c.) described the character Bulger from Glenn McQuaid’s 2008 period horror comedy “I Sell the Dead.” So, Bulger is a super minor character and I only really included him so that I could recommend this movie to y’all. Dominic Monaghan plays Arthur, a Victorian-era grave robber who stumbles into a specialized niche of the casket-plundering business – corpse theft of monsters, aliens and the undead. Working with his partner Willie (Larry Fessenden), the two predictably bumbling exhumers desecrate vampire, alien and zombie gravesites, all the while trying to avoid rival cadaver-snatching gang The House of Murphy, which includes the aforementioned dog-toothed henchman. Pace-wise, the first half of the film could use a good kick in the arse, some of the humor is a bit too winky-winky and production costs were obviously kept to a bare minimum (though the make-up is great, and I found some of the more blatantly cheesy effects [e.g., excessive graveyard mist] to be adorably charming), but if you like this sort of thing (or if you’re suffering from “Lost” withdrawal and already gave up on “Speed Racer” and “Stealth”), you really ought give this film a look-see.

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