Below are descriptions of three grotesque monsters. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a creature that has actually been reported. Can you Find the Fiend?

a) This fearsome humanoid bear-like creature, which is said to have the face of a man and the feet of a swine, supposedly resides deep inside a cave near Colorado’s Manitou Cliff Dwellings.

b) Part owl, part bear and part man, this 7-foot-tall flying monstrosity stalks the skies surrounding an ancient church.

c) This grotesque mystery of nature exhibits both feline and canine features. Research into the animal’s parentage has turned up few leads and even fewer revelations.

Answer after the cut.

The correct answer is

b) The Owlman, whose first victim was a family holiday that ended three-days early after two young female vacationers spotted the dreaded creature circling Mawnan Church in Cornwell, Great Britain. Two years later, another pair of girls encountered the Owlman while camping in the woods near the church. According to one of the girls, the red-eyed monster, which she discovered skulking around outside her tent, hissed loudly and took to the sky. Subsequent Owlman sightings, paired with increased UFO activity in the area, have kept cyptoozoologists wondering: “Is the Owlman a sinister alien visitor with a dark past, or simply a human pedophile who molested a radioactive owl?”

Statement a) described ManBearPig, the homicidal half man, half bear and half pig abomination that Al Gore sought to destroy in the aptly named “South Park” episode “ManBearPig.” In recent ManBearPig news, an Afghanistan war update printed in the New York Times on February 1st, 2010, included a reference to Observation Post ManBearPig – a Marine-occupied watch station in Treekha Nawa. The US government has since stated that if this tactical South Park reference proves successful in the War on Terror, pentagon authorities will initiate the detonation phase of a massive Middle Eastern Snuke campaign.

Statement c) described CatDog, a gross cat and dog hybrid that starred in its own eponymous Nickelodeon cartoon from 1998 until 2004. CatDog is disgusting. I don’t know how it defecates. Probably out of the cat’s mouth and then the dog eats it and that goes on over and over again in an endless loop, like some kind of copraphelic M.C. Escher drawing. It’s probably the only children’s cartoon that no serial killer has ever masturbated to. Revolting.

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