Find the Fiend – Pharmaceutical Edition

Below are descriptions of three medicinal compounds. Two of them are merely the fictional creations of popular artists; one is a prescription drug that actually exists. Can you Find the Fiend?

A This drug is effective in chemically treating near-sightedness, but causes life-threatening allergic reactions in some users.

B In high doses, this substance can decrease the human body’s metabolic rate to a near-death crawl; the military has experimented with smaller doses intended to dull soldiers’ emotional responses.

C This intended anti-depressant has been known to cause yawn-induced orgasms.

Answer after the cut.

The correct answer is c.

When the “Canadian Journal of Psychiatry” began researching a woman in her 20s who claimed to experience a powerful orgasm every time she yawned, the likely culprits were happily crossed neural wiring or some kind of weird boredom fetish. Instead, the phenomenon turned out to be a side effect of clomipramine, a tricyclic anti-depressant that the young woman was taking to manage her gloomies. Rather than trade in her coochie-zapping happy tabs for a bunch of pills that didn’t help her come during “Chariots of Fire,” the patient trained herself to yawn voluntarily. Given that one of clomipramine’s other side effects is insomnia, I’d say her gloomies were effectively managed.

Following the publication of the journal’s article, a study found that 5% of clomipramine users experience yawngasms. Clomipramine, which was developed in Switzerland, is still in use today.

Statement a.) described Retinax, a standard 23rd century remedy for prebyopia. Unfortunately, James T. Kirk, who began finding it increasingly difficult to locate the “yes to all” button on the food replicator’s pizza topping menu, is allergic to the drug, and, as a result, is forced to wear reading glasses. This minor character detail was given a whole new level of significance in Star Trek’s final episode, when Kirk finds himself stranded on an adult bookstore planet, but then stumbles, causing his glasses to shatter. “That’s… not fair…. There was… time… now!”

Statement b.) described betathanatine, a drug used both professionally and recreationally in Richard K. Morgan’s indescribably awesome cyberpunk noir novel “Altered Carbon.” The drug, street-named “The Reaper” and “Stiff,” is used by teenage hop-heads to experience a mind-dulling near-death high, and by military agents to suppress emotions and lower the body’s core temperature so as to avoid detection by thermal sensors. Perfect for evading predators and faking Alaskan king crab fisherman deaths. I’m on to you, Captain Phil Harris. I’m on to you.

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