This week Weird Things’ Matt Finley explores the failed utopian societies of history. Monday, he traipsed through the memories of the Oneida sex community, Wednesday we delved into the most oxymoronic utopia ever conceived. Enjoy!

As Monday’s post was all about fringe spiritualists and Wednesday’s was dominated by fringe philosophers, you’ll be glad to hear that today you get a little of both. New Harmony, Indiana – even the most well-mannered smart-ass among you surely can’t help but ask, “What happened to Old Harmony?” (And even the most dapper pothead among you can’t help but snigger and give the well-mannered smart-ass a limp high-five.) The answer is “finicky Shakers and drunken abolitionists.” Harmony was established by the Harmonists, a sect of Lutheran separatists who, according to the Historic New Harmony website, “lived by combining the Swabian work ethic (‘Work, work, work! Save, save, save!’) with the Benedictine rule (‘Pray and work!’).” So… “Pray and work, work, work! Pray and save, save, save!” Constant excitement. The Harmonists had already established a colony in Harmonie, Pennsylvania, but, with an eye on expansion, purchased the much larger tract of land in Indiana.

Starting in 1814, they built an entire town. Visitors from nearby Shaker communities stayed with them. Their neighbors, a rowdy (or, at least, rowdy by Harmony standards) group of abolitionists looked at them. Then the Shakers started getting argumentative, and the abolitionists (who they viewed as drunken lollygaggers) began to harass them. Finally, in 1824, a comparable land opportunity opened up in Western Pennsylvania, and Harmony founder George Rapp sold Harmony to British utopian idealist Robert Owen. The Harmonist gang – work horses, save benches and prayer mills in tow – headed back to PA, and Owen went to work on New Harmony – a godless paradise for working class radicals.

New Harmony was founded on the basis that religion is nonsense, an individual’s will and actions are 100% environmentally defined (the “blame society” model) and labor ought always be conducted via the put-out system (individual skilled subcontractors putting out in the privacy of their own homes rather than uniting in a factory for mass whorish industrial orgies). Owen was so confident about the success of his communal, 800-person “New Moral World” that he shipped over progressive European educators and scientists to help ensure the commune’s success. United States currency was abandoned in favor of Harmony-minted “time money,” with each note worth a certain number of labor hours; necessities were assigned prices in the form of time increments, and sold at the “time store.” Luxury items and the notion of private property were also abolished, so that everyone would work for the good of the community, which would, in turn, ensure each individual’s personal well-being.

Well-mannered smart-ass – is that you laughing? You’re nothing if not perceptive. With no common goal or shared belief system beyond the perpetuation of an arbitrary cloistered society, Harmony quickly fell apart. The first problem was that, while many of the community’s residents were dedicated thinkers, skilled laborers and imported academics, plenty of others were wandering philosophers, transient misanthropes, and even petty criminals looking for a fresh start. The second problem was a complete and utter lack of leadership, or even mutually held ideological beliefs (this partially stemmed from Owen’s refusal to live full-time in the community, as he was simultaneously managing a similar failing communal experiment in Europe). In four years, Harmony collapsed under the weight of the very same ideals it was founded upon, as, without individual responsibility, residents were able to selfishly exploit community resources while blaming their capitalist upbringing.

I know, dapper pothead – no high-fives here. No high-fives here.