Just last week, I mentioned the waddling, headless meat mutants that have been erroneously cited as the source of KFC’s chicken. In Florida, rumors of bizarre genetic experimentation are still used to explain the pervasive presence of sex-crazed flies referred to as “love bugs” (in truth, the insects are South American natives that are believed to have hitched a ride on a North America-bound freighter sometime in the 1920s). Urban legends featuring bizarre animal experimentation (and the resulting grotesqueries) are six for a nickel. This Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Weird Things takes a look at the top-shelf stuff – Real animals. Actual experiments.

Today: In Soviet Russia, Dog’s Head Transplants You

Before Soviet scientists began launching dogs into outer space, they spent a couple decades cutting the animals up, reconfiguring them and benefitting science via cruel and twisted experiments. Sergei Bruyukhonenko, for example, was known as the dog decapitator. He earned this fitting (though perhaps sensationalistic) moniker during his quest to introduce open-heart surgery to the USSR. In the 1920s, Bruyukhonenko invented the “autojektor,” a simple apparatus that was designed to fill in for a patient’s heart and lungs while doctors futzed around inside his or her chest cavity. To test the machine, Bruyukhonenko simply lopped the head off a dog, wired all the tubes and vessels up to the autojektor and watched in delight as the pup’s disembodied noggin came back to life (clinical low-brain-function life, not high-enthusiasm Beggin’ Strips-commercial life). The doctor was so pleased with his results, he held a public demonstration of the autojektor, during which he entertained the audience by feeding a dog’s head some cheese, which promptly oozed out of the neck through the disconnected esophagus (some Russians still grate cheese this way).

Thirty years later, an eager young scientist named Vladimir Demikhov showed up with a smile and a sewing kit. Demikhov was interested in perfecting live organ transplants – specifically heart transplants – and set about practicing on animals. While he made several important contributions to transplant medicine, he’s best remembered for a 1954 experiment in which he detached a puppy’s head, shoulders and front legs, and then sutured them, alive, onto the back of an adult dog. Remember the nasty esophagus cheese that leaked back out of Bruyukhonenko’s dog? This time it was milk, and it gushed out all over the host dog (some Russians still bathe dogs this way). Sadly, after only a couple weeks, the pitiable beast died of infection. Supposedly, though Demikhov never found a way to successfully transplant a heart, he did go on to make 19 more bizarre pup-and-dog recombinations, none of which survived longer than a month.

Less than ten years later, Rob White, a scientist in Cleveland (coincidentally, a city that measures its collective morale in units called “Trotskys” [1 Trotsky = -5 smiles]), used Demikhov’s transplantation techniques as a jumping off point to successfully perform the complete transplant of one monkey’s severed melon onto another’s decapitated body. Post-surgery, the plug-and-play primate, though paralyzed, retained use of its core senses. According to White’s notes, the monkey bit several lab techs.

This grumpy, neck-sutured, paralytic simian is the perfect segue into Wednesday’s diabolical (again Soviet) scheme – the monkey/human hybrid.

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