One movie. Five people, living or dead, at the screening. Who and why?

Today’s screening: “The Blair Witch Project”

Now that there’s an entire nation of teenagers axe murdering message board bandwidth with their rabid insanity for the low-budget POV horror flick “Paranormal Activity,” it seems appropriate to revisit the first popular “recovered footage” film.

William Castle (1914-1977), Filmmaker, Entrepreneur

Known for rigging joy buzzers to theater seats, employing live props and offering life insurance certificates in case a viewer died from fright, Castle would appreciate “Witch Project”’s straight-faced assertion that the movie is actually found footage. He’d probably also suggest supplementing it with some kind of scream-activated sprinkler filled with fake blood, or whoopee cushions that sound like Dracula laughing.

Virginia Dare (1587-unknown), First child born in America to English parents

Dare, by virtue of America’s unhealthy fetishization of babies, is the most famous of the ill-fated Roanoke colony’s vanished inhabitants. This is a no-brainer. She has a culturally ingrained fear of witches and firsthand experience with disappearing into the American wilderness. It’s like showing “Halloween” to Jason.

Ruggero Deodato (1939- ), Filmmaker

Though “Blair Witch” is often regarded as the first recovered footage horror film, two other movies – 1998’s “The Last Broadcast” and 1980’s “Cannibal Holocaust” – preceded it. Deodato directed the latter, which focused on a group of ethnologists setting out to film a cannibalistic tribe. Seeing as his movie was so convincing that it got him arrested for allegedly filming actual murders, he’d probably rank “Blair Witch Project” somewhere between chamomile and Ambien, but who doesn’t love a good nap?

Albert Maysle (1926- ), Documentarian

Albert Maysle and his late brother David helmed some of the 20th century’s most candid and affecting documentaries (“Grey Gardens,” “Gimme Shelter”). Given that the protagonists of “Witch Project” are introduced as documentarians in training, it seems fitting to have a seasoned professional grade them on their concept, execution and ability to cope in the field. I’m betting they lose points for all that running and screaming.

Gerald Gardner (1884-1964), Occultist

Inspired by pagan history and egged on by the infamous Aleister Crowley, Gardner founded the Wiccan religion. As such, he’s the go-to source for determining whether all the Blair Witch’s twig art and tent shaking were ritual necessities or superfluous theatrics. And I need to learn that spell that makes your neighbor’s cow sad.

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