No one is all bad. Weird Things Cultural Researcher Matt Finley takes a look at the silver lining in famous fictional monsters.

Two weeks ago, Weird Things took a look at the cooler-than-you clique of vampiric adolescent rapscallions in “The Lost Boys” and flirted with the possibility that they were, you know, from like a socio-political standpoint, maybe not all that bad. Today, the site looks at a group of gainfully employed, adult vampires from the 1996 film “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn,” and the positive ramifications of their self-made debauched corner of Mexican heaven, the Titty Twister.

A Boon to the Trucking Industry

More than just a vampire strip club, the Titty Twister is essentially the corporate headquarters of a consulting firm that evaluates the work ethic, morality and efficacy of big rig truckers. No trucking company wants its employees delaying shipments and spending their company allowances drinking bottom-shelf tequila off vampires’ feet while jabber-jawing with Danny Trejo. The staff of the Titty Twister weeds out los huevos malos to ensure that North America’s economy isn’t further damaged by shipping delays, and, in doing so, creates the legend of a vampire strip club, which subsequently terrifies other potential slackers while popularizing new CB radio warnings, such as “fanged beaver” and “drac muff.”

Preservation of an Historic Landmark

By ensuring that the ancient, evil pyramid that the Titty Twister is constructed upon stays in the hands of the grotesque, undead monsters that it was presumably built to honor, it’s guaranteed that one of Mexico’s most impressive and sinister National landmarks doesn’t get demolished to make way for a just-over-the-border human cloning facility or a just-over-the-border human cloning facility that also sells fireworks.

A Boon to Tourism

Imagine that the Titty Twister didn’t exist and all the vampire strippers, musicians and bar tenders had to fan out across the country, finding employment at various different taverns and strip clubs, and then murdering patrons indiscriminately at all of them. College spring breakers and middle-aged resort hoppers would pack up their Spanglish and alcoholism and take them somewhere that didn’t boast a blood-drinking killer in every pub. The Titty Twister ensures that blue collar vampires with experience in the service industry can find gainful employment and a healthy quantity of unwitting victims without disrupting the influx of binge-drinking Americans that Mexico depends on to keep their hospitals open.

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