One movie. Five people, living or dead, at a screening inside the head of Weird Things Culture Researcher Matt Finley. Who comes and why?

John Carpenter’s 1982 remake of “The Thing From Another World” re-imagines the latter’s rampaging monster as an insidious, parasitic shape-shifter that takes the form of anyone it kills. The scientists who unwittingly unleash the alien threat are trapped at a remote Antarctic research station, where the prolonged isolation and inability to determine who has been assimilated lead to a fevered downward spiral of paranoia, fear and violence.

• John Campbell Jr. (1910-1971), Author of the short story “Who Goes There?”
Though Campbell’s story inspired both films, the shape-shifting element, present in his story, was removed for the ‘50s version in favor of a boilerplate alien menace. The fact that Campbell didn’t live to see Carpenter’s more faithful adaptation is devastating, and I hereby declare Shenanigans on it.

• Roald Amundsen (1872-1928), Norwegian Explorer
Amundsen and his team were the first humans to reach the South Pole, arriving on December 14, 1911, and beating rival British explorer Robert Scott by just 35 days. Amundsen would surely relate to the film’s portrayal of Antarctica’s baron, freezing conditions, the inner ache of isolation and the out-sized masculinity of a scotch-swilling Kurt Russell.

• Ron Moore (1964- ), Screenwriter/Producer
Best known for his revelatory contemporary reimagining of the ‘80s sci-fi series “Battlestar Galactica,” Moore is currently at work on a script for a remake of/prequel to “The Thing.” I want him at the screening so that I can say, “I love ya’, buddy, but are you sure about this?” and then give him a haircut.

• Emil Kraepelin (1856-1926), German Psychiatrist
Most famous for dividing the diagnosis of “psychosis” into two separate, distinct forms, “manic depression” and “dementia praecox,” Kraeplin also introduced the term “paranoia” into the vernacular of the psychiatric profession. I want to get his opinion on my theory that just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean that this adorable pure-bred husky isn’t the thing.

• Goldie Hawn (1945- ), Actress
This otherwise nerdy group of writers and scientists could sure use some occasional, amusing real-life Kurt Russell anecdotes, and who better to provide them than the mother of his kids? Goldie can tell us all about when a frustrated Kurt poured liquor into their home chess computer, or the time he ordered her to “call it Plissken.”

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